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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Little boy flashed me yesterday - aibu to tell his mum?

190 replies

allgoodindahood · 29/01/2012 09:32

So I'm walking home from the shops yesterday when I heard a knock on a window. I ignored it and kept walking but then it knocked again. I turned round to see a little boy standing in his front room window with his trousers round his ankles shaking his 'tinkle' at me. Wtf! I turned round, marched straight to his front door and started knocking. And then it got really wierd.

Said boy answered the door and started apologising, physically shaking with fear and begging me not to tell his mum. So I explained to him how naughty that was and asked him where his parents were. He said they were upstairs but plleeeeaaassse dont tell them. I was about to leave it and told him to 'watch it, cos I know where you live' but then someone from upstairs shouted down asking him who was at the door.

Well, then he changed his tune completely and shouted up that its just some 'silly woman asking stupid questions...go away silly lady and dont knock here again!' and slammed the door in my face.

So then I got really annoyed and started knocking again. After three attempts of knocking he finally answered the door and told me he 'hadnt done nuffink' and he's really sorry, he 'just had an itch'.

I was baffled and shocked by his ability to lie and act. Would I be unreasonable to knock on the door and have a word with his parents? Although the lady upstairs was his nan so maybe he lives with her?

OP posts:

southeastastra · 29/01/2012 21:29

i think hunty you are over estimating the capabilities of social services and surely calls of this type of thing would take up their time so more important cases would get left

if a kid was being abused do you really think they would wave their willies at passer bys?

they would be ashamed of anything related to part of their bodies surely:(

southeastastra · 29/01/2012 21:30

oh don't be such a martyr goodinahood

Nagoo · 29/01/2012 21:31

huntycat please don't think that I think you are lacking in common sense.

We are all coloured by our experience, and I thought your post was well balanced in expressing your view.

Equally all I am trying to do is offer my take on it, as for me the behaviour is well within the realm of 'normal'.

VickityBoo · 29/01/2012 21:32

Originally I thought haha silly boy having some silly boy fun at a poor innocent passer-by.

Then I was shocked that the op knocked on the door. I wouldn't have but maybe I'm not as confident as the op. Although I'd have just kept walking anyway I know I would.

Then I was shocked that the op threatened the child with the 'I know where you live' line. She said she used a child friendly tone though so maybe it just came over wrong in the original post? It may have been more 'don't forget that if I see you do something naughty like this again that I know where to find your parents so I could tell them'.

Then I was doubly shocked that ss may be involved.

I hate to think that children being naked is seen as sexual by some. Are you against 5 year olds playing naked on a beach by any chance? Because I'm not.

On the subject of age I do know a 3yo who is often mistaken for a 4/5yo because of his height and appearance so looks aren't always an indication of age.

I think...I know I'd put it down to silly boy behaviour and shaking because of parents finding out or a stranger telling him off. I'd have been mortified and terrified as a child had that telling off happened to me. I'd have been scared of my parents finding out too. Not because I was afraid of any type of harm but I'd have been completely ashamed and embarrassed.

We used to all play a game at school of jumping off school benches flashing knickers to whoever was around. There was a rhyme that went with it. Can't remember what but something to do with curtsying to the queen or something. Wasn't in the slightest bit a sexualised act, just a game.

Having rambled on about that, gut instinct is huge. Did op see the house through the door did it look safe for a child?

Nagoo · 29/01/2012 21:35

I am snurking at 'cliquey fuckers'.

FFS.

CardyMow · 29/01/2012 21:40

SEA - Not necessarily 'ashamed of your body'. You think it is NORMAL and at that age, you aren't normally 'ashamed' yet.That comes LATER when you are old enough to realise what is actually happening to you, and old enough to KNOW that it shouldn't be happening to you. So I will respectfully disagree with your assertation that someone of 6/7/8yo who is being or has been abused will be 'ashamed' of their body, for the simple reason that at that age, if you are or have been abused, it still seems NORMAL to you. You think that EVERY step-dad, or 'uncle' or whoever does this with the 'special child' in their family. You'd be surprised at the methods that are used by abusers to 'normalise' their behaviour with their victim. And how well it works. .

While I am NOT saying this IS the case in this situation, I think SS would be best placed to make that decision. And no, SEA, I am NOT 'putting too much faith' in SS, I have been on the receiving end of some of their worst results, both as a child and as a young parent when I first had my DD, I KNOW they aren't infallible. But I would STILL err on the side of caution, and contact SS and leave it in their hands.

countessbabycham · 29/01/2012 21:42

I don't understand where the adults were in all of this.

Original poster

allgoodindahood · 29/01/2012 21:43

I hear you vickity. The house looked fine, neat both in and out. Do you think the fact that he kept knocking to get my attention could just be part of his game iyswim?

OP posts:

cyb · 29/01/2012 21:45

Yes of course. What else could it be? He wanted to show off his todger like a little monkey and shock a grown up. Till she battered his front door down and scared the bejeezeus out of him

he wont do it again!

southeastastra · 29/01/2012 21:49

dear me. maybe if op made attempts to befriend the carer rather than wail about if on here we would have a much nicer community

southeastastra · 29/01/2012 21:50

IT on here

cyb · 29/01/2012 21:51

south I dont even think thats necessary

This is no more sinister than someone lobbing water balloons off a balcony IMO

Original poster

allgoodindahood · 29/01/2012 21:51

Countess there was a lady shouting from upstairs but she didn't come down and he wouldn't fetch her.

OP posts:

unusualsuspect · 29/01/2012 21:53

I'm not surprised he wouldn't fetch her , maybe she was on the bog or in the bath?

Original poster

allgoodindahood · 29/01/2012 21:54

Yes southeast. Good point. I'll storm the house next time and force her to talk to me.

OP posts:

southeastastra · 29/01/2012 21:55

eh? wtf has water balloons got to do with anything?

bucketbetty · 29/01/2012 21:55

I haven't read the whole thread, but surely the child's behaviour was not sexualised? Why are social services being mentioned? Surely its a child being silly and not much else? I don't get whats going on on this thread. I'm puzzled. Surely just just let his mum know so that she can tell him not to do it.of course he will be frightened but its his parents job to teach him right from wrong. Again, I'm in shock that some of you are judging his parents because they weren't observing him constantly. Mum could have been on the loo. Seriously, I might be missing something but I just don't get peoples response to this. The world had gone bloody mad.

countessbabycham · 29/01/2012 21:55

He answered the door,then slammed it saying it was a silly lady asking silly questions.He then answered again after about three more lots of knocking.He's about 7.
If I've got that right,where were the responsible adults to find out what was going on?
Doesn't seem OK to me.

southeastastra · 29/01/2012 21:56

i do find all this report to the so called authorities very weird

southeastastra · 29/01/2012 21:57

oop sorry cyb agree.. it's childish behaviour by a child

unusualsuspect · 29/01/2012 21:57

I bet the nan thought you were a Jehovahs witness

BeerTricksP0tter · 29/01/2012 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

countessbabycham · 29/01/2012 22:00

Sorry,I'm a slow typer and x posted.

I realise there was an adult there,but there was a problem of some sort going on at the door and I would get out of the bath or off the loo,if that was the case!!!

Salmotrutta · 29/01/2012 22:02

I'm not sure what I'd make of this boy's behaviour TBH - are you sure he's 7?
He definitely knew he was being naughty and that's why he lied to whoever was upstairs. Which may suggest he has done similar before and his parents have disciplined him?

I really don't think I'd have been banging on the door and confronting him the way you did though.

Forgive me if this has already been asked - but I was a bit confused by this:

allgoodindahood Sun 29-Jan-12 11:01:53
Cats I've sneaked out of church to answer your post.
You had your phone on in church? I don't go to church (heathen) and even I know that's disrespectful!

Original poster

allgoodindahood · 29/01/2012 22:06

I bet she did tbh, loads round here. If she would've come to the door I could have told her what he was doing and left it at that. So I was wondering whether its worth going back or just leaving it. It's good to get some perspective

OP posts:

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