To think that just because her baby was conceived through IVF does not make them more "precious" "loved" or more likely to be preyed on by sex offenders??

[BackToB4Beatrice]

I sometimes take DD out with a group of friends and friends of friends for a dog walk and some tea and cake. One woman (friend of friend) has an adopted teenage son, and then a daughter (2.5) through IVF.

There was about 12 toddlers out today, and a one point two of them were missing (for about 15 seconds, had snuck into a small wooded area). When they were found, said mum turned to me and said "the thing is Beatrice, people just don't understand how precious X is, we just love her so much, and she is so beautiful she is just the kind of child somebody would, you know, TAKE"

This is not the first type of comment like this. And I'm afraid to say I just snubbed her a bit, raised my eyebrows and said "really?".

I'm sure it was a bit rude of me but I just felt like telling her to fuck off. Every child is precious, and me and DP love DD so so much, despite being unplanned and probably being a bit young (not teenagers, I was 21 but we definately could of done with a few more years before she trundled along!) when she was born.

And don't even get me started on the "taken" thing! WTF?

Go on, I'm BU, aren't I? Guess I Gould cut her more slack?

YANBU

I think you are being unreasonable.

I have 2 DCs who I would die for in an instant but I have not gone through the pain of not being able to conceive and really think it would put a diferent slant on someone's perspective of things.

YANBU. The woman sounds like she has issues. Issues that will probably not do her dd any good.

As the mother of an unplanned but much loved child, I would slap anyone who insinuated that their planned child was more precious or more loved than mine.

God, how weird. Of course all children are equally precious. Sounds like the sort of woman I'd hate to be hanging around with if she spouts this sort of crap

YANBU

Well, she sounds very self-absorbed, but by definition, that's about her and no reflection on you, your child, or your relationship with your child.

I'd maybe worry about someone like her stifling her child through anxiety. If that was happening, that would upset me on behalf of the child

I think you're being harsh actually.

She hasn't said that her child is more precious than yours. You are inferring that but from what she's said she hasn't said that.

Sounds more to me like she is trying to explain why she is neurotic.

It sounds like she has a really bad case of PFBitis, which may or may not have anything to do with means of conception.

The taking thing is odd but sadly not all children are equally loved or precious to their parents. So YABU about that part.

I think you are being harsh . The pain of not being able to conceive is one of the greatest. If you are fortunate enough to be able to use IVF and it works it is understandable that you think your child is infinitely precious.

yanbu she sounds a bit strange tbh. However . . . I think many people who have had problems conceiving possibly have more frequent moments of sheer gratefulness for finally being 'allowed' to have a child, and sometimes it can slide into thinking that others who have not gone through that do not appreciate and therefore do not treasure their kids as much. Nonsense of course but you can see how people get there.

But she still sounds weird :o

YANBU

I had to have fertility treatment for DS1+2 and I would never say they were any more loved/precious than the next child.

Feel a bit sorry for her adopted teen though if this is how she goes on.

I've been through not being able to conceive as well MadamC, but I certainly wouldn't put the love I have for my DC as being above other peoples for theirs because of it.

Or make them out to be more special.

YANBU but I can sort of understand what she meant. A friend of mine had IVF and the struggle to have a baby totally took over their lives. Even now she is more obsessed with her child than the rest of our group . We all adore our babies but she really thinks she Has the most amazing baby ever born. Just ignore her

Yanbu

She needs to know her child is an equal..

YANBU

My DD was also not planned and I don't for a second think that if I went on to plan a child then potentially have problems conceiving that child, I would think that child was more precious.

I think you reacted well, I doubt I'd of been able to keep a straight face.

Grrrrrrrrr I have had this. First child was unplanned and my dsis had been trying for 3 yrs before falling pg - she was 6 mnth ahead of me so our DC are similar age. The amount of times I have had such comments, it is unreal. When I went back to work dsis said "I admire what you're doing but I could never do it, I just love DS too much to leave him with someone else, probably because we had to wait so long for him it means we value him so much more"

I have planned and unplanned DC but the love is the same - overwhelming, thorough and total. I would do anything for any of them and tear anyone from limb to limb who tried to hurt them.

I get that is must be hard ttc and waiting for so long BUT it does not make you love your child more. YANBU at all.

She didn't say anything about her being more precious than other children, though...

I guess what she said was kind of dickish, but I'd give her a pass since she was freaking out when her child was missing.

We have a similar issue amongst our friends at the moment. Slightly different circumstances to IVF but equally distressing for the parents. It irritates me beyond belief when comments like that crop up but I do bite my tongue because I have no idea what it must have been like to suffer the pain they did. I also feel quite sorry for mother and child; mother must be in a permanent state of fear and tension for her offspring and God only knows what that level of special treatment is going to do to the child.

YADNBU!

Rather than be annoyed, just pity her. She has issues which will be a burden on her DD in the coming years.

Yanbu.

She was daft to say it but not to think it. DD was born 51 weeks after DS2 was born and died in my arms. She was my 5th pg and my only girl. She is unbelievably, breathtakingly special to me always has been, always will be. She was our miracle.

She did kind of say that she thinks her child is more precious. What else is it supposed to mean when you say to the mother of a child the same age as yours 'people just don't understand how precious X is'.

I would take that to mean she obviously didn't think I would understand because my child isn't as precious. I can see that others might take that sentence differently, but that's how I would hear it.

YANBU. But if I heard someone saying something like that I would assume they were not very bright and cut them alot of slack.

marriedinwhite - so sorry. I really can imagine feeling this way too.

I don't think anyone else should see it as a slur on them, but as I said, I imagine you'd want to guard against burdening your child with too much expectation/anxiety