To think that just because her baby was conceived through IVF does not make them more "precious" "loved" or more likely to be preyed on by sex offenders??

[BackToB4Beatrice]

I sometimes take DD out with a group of friends and friends of friends for a dog walk and some tea and cake. One woman (friend of friend) has an adopted teenage son, and then a daughter (2.5) through IVF.

There was about 12 toddlers out today, and a one point two of them were missing (for about 15 seconds, had snuck into a small wooded area). When they were found, said mum turned to me and said "the thing is Beatrice, people just don't understand how precious X is, we just love her so much, and she is so beautiful she is just the kind of child somebody would, you know, TAKE"

This is not the first type of comment like this. And I'm afraid to say I just snubbed her a bit, raised my eyebrows and said "really?".

I'm sure it was a bit rude of me but I just felt like telling her to fuck off. Every child is precious, and me and DP love DD so so much, despite being unplanned and probably being a bit young (not teenagers, I was 21 but we definately could of done with a few more years before she trundled along!) when she was born.

And don't even get me started on the "taken" thing! WTF?

Go on, I'm BU, aren't I? Guess I Gould cut her more slack?

I've gone through invasive treatment too but have never felt our two are any more precious than anyone else's child. It's an odd comment.

So her daughter is more precious to her than her son?

YAB a bit U.

She means how precious the child is to her, which for women who have struggled with infertility does make having a child something that cannot be taken for granted as easily as it can be for others.

Does anyone take having a child for granted?

My DC are IVF and strangely enough I have had the opposite experience, ie someone acting like my DC are somehow inferior to his children because they are not "natural".

YANBU.

My MIL's neighbour used to say that at least if anything happened to any of MIL's DSs (she had 3) at least she'd have the other 2

I have been told this before and have been a bit

All babies are precious, no baby is more precious than any other.

(And I have miscarried a twin and carried the other full term and had several incidents where the survival of my dcs has been in question.)

They are all precious.

Marriedinwhite I just conojetely don't know what to say.

I agree with fishyonadishy

OP - YABU as se didn't say her child was more precious to her than your dc are to you. She was saying how precious her dd was to her. Ok a little odd in the taken, but you have no idea of her history being a friend of a friend. I'm pretty sure I acted a bit OTT with ds1 and part of it was paranoia part of PND.

Having gone through Ivf privately spent thousands and the heartache that goes with it, I feel very lucky to even be able to have DS.

However I do not agree that he is any more loved that he friends who were conceived naturally by accident! As for being taken said friends needs to get a grip and get over herself. All children are precious to those that love them regardless of fertility issues.

I conceived all my do through treatment. I find it annoying when people assume I will feel differently because of how they were conceived. Actually, as soon as I was pg, I felt like a normal mum, no more special than anyone else, and that was the joy of it - one of them anyway. I remember being grumpy (inside-smiled sweetly externally) when I resigned my job and a friend said " well yes, you would want to be at home with dd after ivf and everything". It just labelled me as different. So Yanbu. All children are precious. Ivf creates normal families.

Does anyone take having a child for granted?

A lot of people do. I have friends at the moment who have one child, and they are planning when they are going to have their next one. I was chatting with someone the other night, friend of a friend, who casually said she was going to get pregnant in the next few months. Lots of people plan babies and do have those babies, so for them yes, they can, until they have difficulty, assume that getting pregnant again will not be a problem.

She sounds very tedious but hopefully you can limit your exposure to her. Annoying people are peppered throughout the population and there isn't a whole lot we perfect people can do about it.

Oh and I had the ivf thing and have never ever felt my child is more precious than anyone else's. Absurd. And he is in childcare. Should I be home with him because he was hard to get? Pfft.

I have an IVF child, and as a result know a fair few others. None have EVER said their child is extra previous because of it. However, I have heard that opinion from at least 5 people - all with uncomplicated conceptions. Well meaning perhaps, but patronising (much?).

The only difference I notice, and I really so see this (at least in first 3 years which is where we've got to) is IVFers in my personal experience complain less - e.g. Re sleepless nights.

I think it's just your friends pfb issues not necessarily down to her ivf. Out of my mummy friends a few have conceived after ivf and our dd 1 was a accident surprise and dd2 conceived after first try - yet I am probably the most anxious/ pfb parent (though I really try not to be)

YANBU

It's like when people imply that only children are somehow more precious to their parents than children who have several siblings , as if we have 'spares' or something!

Strange what you say about the complaints about sleepless nights-I'm like that. When we were ttc I went through a funny patch where it did my head in hearing people moan about their children and I might be different because of it. Although I equally hated to be treated differently. It was horrible. Without knowing it, no one could win whatever they said because what I really wanted was to be pg

YANBU.

Her child may well be more precious to her than some crackwhore's kid is to them, but it certainly doesn't mean any passing paedo will choose her over the next toddler based on how long it took her parents to conceive. Which is what she basically meant.

Very odd thing to think, and a monumentally rude thing to say to another mother.

No, IVF doesn't make those children any more precious, and if that's where she was coming from with the comment, then she was being an arse.
However, unless you have gone through years and years of fertility treatment, and night after childless night of believing that you would never have a family, and crying yourself to sleep for months on end because you're not normal, then I guess it can be hard to imagine how some IVF mums might feel. Your children are always going to be the most amazing creations in the world, but in my circle of friends (which include several adopters, several IVFers and mostly natural conceivers) it tends to be the adopters then the IVFers who take things forgranted the least... probably because they spent 5, 6, 7 and more years having the possibility consuming their every thought...
Yanbu, OP, but maybe her neuroses are fair enough...

YANBU she sounds like a self obsessed idiot

It's not her PBF if she already has a teen son...

I'm not sure I'd see it as anything to do with the way her child was conceived, to be honest. She sounds like an immensely tiresome woman, though, and that remark about how a 'beautiful' child is more likely to be 'taken' suggests to me she's a total fruit loop - does she actually think that being an ordinary-looking child is some kind of defense against paedophiles? Does she think predators hang around in the woods holding some kind of toddler beauty contest?

She was being monumentally insensitive. Of course her child isn't any "better" than yours, just because she was conceived with IVF.

I think I understand where she is coming from though. We went through the trials of infertility, and when I finally conceived I was particularly anxious about the pregnancy and newborn stage when SIDS is most common (more than I think is normal).

For me, it wasn't about "replacing" a baby if our baby had died, because of course, you can never replace a baby, they are all unique and precious. It was more that it had taken so long and we had gone through so much, and there was a massive question mark about whether we would be able to have another. So if she had died, it wouldn't just be losing a baby (which is pretty much every parent's worst nightmare) it would also be about being childless again, because we thought that we couldn't have another one. And we were very keenly aware of how painful childlessness had been.

Sorry, that was very rambling, and I hope that it makes sense.

DD1: 1.5 years of trying and 2 miscarriages.
DD2: 2 days trying.

Should I value DD1 more? 'Course I bloody shouldn't. And I don't.
You were very reasonable, someone needs to point out that her choice of wording (regardless of what she is trying to say) could insult people.

YANBU.

However, I concevied really, really easily so have no clue of what people who have trouble ttc go through. I guess she just didn't do a very good job of getting her point accross.