To think that just because her baby was conceived through IVF does not make them more "precious" "loved" or more likely to be preyed on by sex offenders??

[BackToB4Beatrice]

I sometimes take DD out with a group of friends and friends of friends for a dog walk and some tea and cake. One woman (friend of friend) has an adopted teenage son, and then a daughter (2.5) through IVF.

There was about 12 toddlers out today, and a one point two of them were missing (for about 15 seconds, had snuck into a small wooded area). When they were found, said mum turned to me and said "the thing is Beatrice, people just don't understand how precious X is, we just love her so much, and she is so beautiful she is just the kind of child somebody would, you know, TAKE"

This is not the first type of comment like this. And I'm afraid to say I just snubbed her a bit, raised my eyebrows and said "really?".

I'm sure it was a bit rude of me but I just felt like telling her to fuck off. Every child is precious, and me and DP love DD so so much, despite being unplanned and probably being a bit young (not teenagers, I was 21 but we definately could of done with a few more years before she trundled along!) when she was born.

And don't even get me started on the "taken" thing! WTF?

Go on, I'm BU, aren't I? Guess I Gould cut her more slack?

Perriwinkle - thank you for clarifying your last post. I'm sorry you found my post "odd". I found your original post really nasty, but now you have explained yourself more fully can see what you meant.

I just think that this woman was trying to articulate how precious her child is to her and it came out very wrong. Of course her child is no more precious that someone else's, but why can't people see her comment for what it was? An ill thought out, foot in the mouth moment which we have ALL had and which she was likely very much regretting later.

... and WibblyBibble is right. IVF does warp your view of things. During the 2 years that we were actively doing IVF, I spent all my time on IVF websites talking to other women who were doing IVF and researching into new techniques, etc. I didn't know anybody who was trying naturally. Everyone I knew was having a 'test tube' baby, so to speak.

Then I got talking to a colleague who told me that her and her new DH were trying for a baby. I asked her what she was doing, and she said "oh, just f*ing like rabbits".

I don't know where it came from, but I blurted out "oh yuck". It just seemed so uncouth and, well, animalistic.

WibblyBibble that's a great point you made there about people living with infertility being unable (although very understandably so) unable to sympathise with people who are suffering the emotional torment of dealing with an unplanned pregnancy.

Again, it illustrates my point that we're all ultimately driven by our own selfish needs and wants and people living with infertility will see the situation of someone bemoaning an unplanned pregnancy as being unjust and unfair - on them.

Huge generalisations here, especially from WibblyBibble. After one of my 'yet another failed attempt', I supported my sister who has 3 kids through a miscarriage and later on, I supported a friend who was having a termination. I wanted to have a family with my husband and everyone elses life was theirs.

Yes I can see how for some people the stress and disappointment of IVF can lead to problems and you do need to be careful for it not to be all-consuming, but to say it has an effect on all infertile women's mental health is like going back to Victorian times.