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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband has just rung me to say he's spent £30k on a car....

291 replies

Openmouthedshock · 27/01/2012 20:07

I am still trying to pick my jaw off the floor...

Who the fuck does this?

Why would you do this without consulting your wife?

What the fuck do I do?

He's home in 20 minutes.

I've namchanged!

Fucking bastard...

OP posts:
marriedinwhite · 27/01/2012 22:29

Hope you have a better day tomorrow OP. Hope that in a year or two you will both be able to laugh about this. FWIW I think there are men who do far worse things and speaking as someone who has been married for 21 years they do need humouring on occasion. Good luck - sleep tight.

Serenitysutton · 27/01/2012 22:37

Urgh. This is the sort of thing mine would (and has, unfortunatly for far frigging more) done. I know how angry you are x

TartyMcFarty · 27/01/2012 22:37

I notice Kirstie has Shut The Fuck Up. Prick.

marriedinwhite · 27/01/2012 22:42

Acually, I'm a little bit jealous. I would love my dh to bring home a really sexy car instead of his environmentally friendly and ghastly to look at and ghastly to drive electric GWizz that takes up my space on the drive because it has to bloody well be charged in the day time where possible to maximise the bleeding leccy produced by his photovoltaic panels. If only he would buy himself a nice Porsche Boxter for me to drive to enjoy himself in.

gardenplants · 27/01/2012 22:43

If my DH did this, I would be struggling to decide between chopping his balls off with a kitchen knife or murdering him.

On a practical note, when you buy a car, don't you put a deposit down and then pay the balance a few days later? Can he back out of the transaction? It seems that he has bought an impractical and expensive car, which would be OK if you had money to burn but you don't, you have important things to spend it on.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 27/01/2012 22:48

Glad you got it sorted, OP, but I would be a bit Hmm if my DH had a secret stash of £30K that I knew nothing about, if he can make good from his own "pot" of money!

BrandyAlexander · 27/01/2012 22:50

If its a BMW dealership I doubt he walked in, bought and drove away. Certainly not my experience anyway. I stiil think the fundamental issue that would piss me off is not being consulted. Doesn't matter whether you can afford it or not.

Cabrinha · 27/01/2012 22:52

The separate pots thing may get some people ranting, but we're the same, so I get you there. I'm glad it's resolved and your joint money isn't paying for some of his car!

I do think there is a bit of slightly overdone drama in first page OP and subsequent posts though. Gives the impression the car was a shock (not just the cost!) and that it had wiped out your DIY money.

Reality somewhat different - you knew about car, just more money than expected and he had the money to replace the DIY money.

Which explains why you moved from 'fucking bastard' to 'well it is a nice car' pretty quickly!

I'd still suggest he rethinks though. Convertibles are great (miss ours!) and it's a shame to spend that much on one you can't even get the whole family in!

MrGin · 27/01/2012 23:01

My sympathy kind of went at the various pots of money.

He bought a more expensive car than you'd discussed on impulse, payed for it from his pot of money, you've got 30 thousand pounds worth of BMW, presumably some other pots of money, and the funds to do up your home.

Sounds good to me.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 27/01/2012 23:05

Well if he had another pot of 30k to use to replace the house money it's not really a big deal is it... it's also drip feeding.

marriedinwhite · 27/01/2012 23:09

I get the secret separate pots of money. DH has some and I have some. I think it's a bit of game and we put up with each other's pots because there are no shortages of money. It is rather odd and I think it's also a control thing but I can understand it in an odd sort of way.

Sparklingbrook · 28/01/2012 06:50

Shock at all these pots of money. So things weren't quite what they seemed. Confused

ThompsonTwins · 28/01/2012 06:57

Advertise it for sale and remove his conjugals until it's gone. I would be more than incensed. How on earth can he justify this? Is he accustomed to just getting exactly what he wants? Sorry, sound a bit hard.

NinkyNonker · 28/01/2012 07:57

Who cares if there are other pots of money? They may have been set aside for other, more-important-than-a-penis-extension things. Like redundancy, roof collapse etc. Question is, would he be so happy if she skipped off and bought herself a £30k indulgence just for the hell of it, without discussing it first? We're not short of cash, but still run any larger than day to day purchases past each other when it is joint cash like this

Sparklingbrook · 28/01/2012 08:00

I thought that because of car purchase the house stuff would have to go on hold, but it's not the case Ninky.

NinkyNonker · 28/01/2012 08:09

I know, but as it was joint money it was prob there for a reason, savings tend to be. So money they had both put aside for something else is now being spent on their house because he decided he needed a penis extension.

DamnBamboo · 28/01/2012 08:36

Who cares how much money they've got.
Lots of people have money put away from investments, it could even be saved as equities etc... (not cold hard cash) which to my knowledge is not for spending!

It's irrelevant how much has been saved, it's the fact that this guy spent £30k on a car without consulting the OP. This is what seems to be the problem, and it is!

Not sure where the drip feeding is, it's fairly clear to me that the complaint is aobut the fact that he did it without consulting - clear as day in the OP.

They are nice cars and it is a decent price from what little information we've got, even if it's an older one.

I could have £200k in the bank, but my husband would be in shit if he spent £30k of it on a car without telling me first.

Avantia · 28/01/2012 08:39

A refreshing thread from doom and gloom of ' benefits '.

YANBU .

Needs discussing - my DH wants an Audi convertible for his mid life crisis - but we have had to put his 'crisis' on hold until we get the money .

We have discussed it and I quite fancy it myself - might fancy the DH then aswell Grin

FredFredGeorge · 28/01/2012 08:45

So he spent the money allocated to the house (because it was there as cash presumably) but has refilled that pot from his other money which is his to do as he wants with. So clearly he could comfortably afford and the OP was being completely unreasonable at her approach and sending him off out was wrong.

Especially as OP has diagnosed a mid-life crisis in her DP and instead of supporting him and helping him get through it, she's shouts and locks him out the house.

YABU

DamnBamboo · 28/01/2012 08:49

OP said in 22:25 post they'd talk about and agreed a reasonable sum. but he spent a lot more than planned.
Clearly they do discuss finances and had decided on a sum and he went way over!

I fail to see how people can think is reasonable behaviour on behalf of OP DH

Avantia · 28/01/2012 08:50

He has got through his 'mid life crisis 'by buying a car - he doesn't need support - he needed a car ! Grin That's what men do - either buy a car or find a younger woman .

NinkyNonker · 28/01/2012 08:51

No, Fred, OP said it was all their joint money, but in different names for various reasons. Not his own money at all.

CalamityKate · 28/01/2012 09:18

Well it all sounds a bit like a storm in a teacup - although he's clearly got more money than sense and I'd be FUMING if DP did the same.

Pinot · 28/01/2012 09:20

Well this is an interesting thread.

Jolyonsmummy · 28/01/2012 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.