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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband has just rung me to say he's spent £30k on a car....

291 replies

Openmouthedshock · 27/01/2012 20:07

I am still trying to pick my jaw off the floor...

Who the fuck does this?

Why would you do this without consulting your wife?

What the fuck do I do?

He's home in 20 minutes.

I've namchanged!

Fucking bastard...

OP posts:
redrubyshoes · 27/01/2012 21:31

Open

Your OH has some explaining to do and every weekend and evening is going to be spent doing DIY.

While you watch. Enjoy Grin

Openmouthedshock · 27/01/2012 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Popbiscuit · 27/01/2012 21:33

Haha! Love it, RedRuby.

Original poster
Openmouthedshock · 27/01/2012 21:33

My mum is clueless and doesn't quite get that's it an issue.

She has no understanding of what a sports car costs (she lives abroad and is staying with us)

OP posts:
garlicfrother · 27/01/2012 21:34

DH does the house every weekend while OP and DC go out for lovely, fun drives in his her new BMW.

All wearing lovely new gear, every weekend, bought 'autonomously' with family funds.

:)

Original poster
Openmouthedshock · 27/01/2012 21:36

Thanks Fabby always so rational, straight to the point.
It's what i need right now

OP posts:
happyhohoho · 27/01/2012 21:36

Ignorance is bliss in this case for your mum. :)

Hope you can resolve this quickly, just think you can put your foot down and demand renovation to commence immediately.

TheCuntwormUnderfoot · 27/01/2012 21:37

Goodness me Kirstie, what an almighty steaming twat you sound Grin

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 27/01/2012 21:39

I would be going utterly mental.
It doesnt matter if you are 'well off' (relatively) 30k is still a fuck load of money to spend on a car.
Spending 30k without discussing it with your partner is way out of order unless you are Elton John.

I am not suprised you are upset.

scarletforya · 27/01/2012 21:40

Isn't there a 10 day cooling off period on big purchases like cars...

randommoment · 27/01/2012 21:41

Tell him he can keep it if he does the school run (for at least a month) in your Picasso and he lets you go for a really fun drive over the Downs or the Moors or the Mountains or whatever is the nearest bit of wild open empty roadspace nearest you. xx from the daughter of an ex F1 driver.

MrGin · 27/01/2012 21:42

openmouthedshock

your dh does have a lot of explaining to do.

Suggest you sleep on it, leave a duvet and pillow for him on the sofa.

With all due respect, a bottle of wine and bun fight on MN isn't the frame of mind you need for the coming conversation about the car.

Possibly you have 24 hours as a consumer to change your mind.

Whatever. Go to bed, sleep and haul him over the coals in the morning.

CarrieAnnRegardless · 27/01/2012 21:44

FabbyChic - you can buy and drive away on the same day. I have done it twice from Car Giant, for example.

OP, I would be speechless in your position. It's all very well QuattroCentro talking about 'autonomy' as if you are trying to own him. Financial autonomy is one thing if you maintain an amount of money each for independent spending, or know that you could do something similiar and it could be afforded, but wanting a say in how the joint money ofr the house renovation is spent is hardly encroaching on autonomy!

I would be asking him why he thinks it was OK to use the house renovation money.

StealthPenguin · 27/01/2012 21:46

Do a checklist of everything that needs doing in the house. For example: if you need a new bathroom ask him if the new car will keep you and DC's clean? Will it accept your piss and shit?

If the answer is no, the car has to go. Simple enough. Wankstain!

MrGin · 27/01/2012 21:47

.... and text him to tell him not to drive like a loon.

Powerful heavy car + midlife crisis + emotion is not a good mix.

toptramp · 27/01/2012 21:54

At least he has £30 k to spend on a car Envy or at leat the means of paying it back. I'd be lucky to have £30 atm to spend on myself. (grumpy yorkshireman emoticon)

I need a rich man.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 27/01/2012 21:55

Honestly? I'd be raging. DH needed a car last year, we discussed a budget and then he bought what he wanted out of that (very small!) budget. I would never ever consider spending money likethat, even on major things for the house, without discussing it with DH, and I would be absolutely gobsmacked if he did.

Even if we could afford it, I would be upset, because it is an essentially selfish purchase, which is ok if it has been discussed and agreed. I am not impressed at all by cars (especially BMWs- sorry OP!), so to spend all that money on what is inherently just a status symbol would upset me for all sorts of reasons.

Hope you get it sorted, OP

happylittlebear · 27/01/2012 22:02

Fabby I have bought a car from a dealer and drove it away on the same day - three times.
Admittedly they were for A LOT less than a BMW Envy but a long as there is no finance to arrange it is still doable.
I paid with a card, rung up insurance and was covered over the phone and the car was already taxed.

CarrieAnnRegardless · 27/01/2012 22:02

"Powerful heavy car + midlife crisis + emotion is not a good mix." Agreed.

Powerful heavy car + midlife crisis + emotion + reading texts while driving is even worse.

whomovedmychocolate · 27/01/2012 22:04

He's twitchy because of the amount of work on the house and is attempting to displace his worries by buying a big shiny thing. It's what men do. They are weird.

Kick him in the nuts and sell his record collection for 99p on ebay. Then point out that HE will be doing all the work on the house after work because he's spent the money you would have hired people with on his wheels.

TuftyFinch · 27/01/2012 22:11

Speaking as someone who has never spent more than £500 on a car, that's a lot of money but it is sort of relative because when we buy a £500 car on eBay we usually sell it back after a year and choose something else. We get most of it back-sometimes more.

When you've both enjoyed it you can sell it. You'll get your money back.

Whether your DH should have done it or not, well, I'd not be happy and did actually veto a BMW convertible for our last car because it was £1000 pounds over budget at £1500 (was quite old) and not practical with small DC. But. I know DP really did want it. We also couldn't afford it.

But...it's a really nice car. I'd love to have a drive of that Grin.

I had, before DC, a classic 1970's BMW 2001i. I bloody loved that car. We couldn't afford to maintain it though and not practical but if I ever had any spare money I'd get another one.

I think most people know you're not stealth boasting.

Kistie you sound a bit, well, childish really.

Cabrinha · 27/01/2012 22:13

My H used to have a 645. Two sports seats only in the back - and the reason we traded it was because our daughter would be out of her group 0 seat at some point and there was no way we'd have got a group 1 in the back!
So presuming the 635 is similar (is it same body but with a 3.5 not 4.5 litre engine?) I'd be unimpressed that it couldn't be used with the whole family.

I'd also be very sad if my husband did this... He has his own money, decides his own cars, but we talk about what he wants (and vv) because - well, because couples do talk about what they're up to. He'd never buy a car without chatting to me about it - not getting permission, not even for my opinion - but just daily chit chat.

Tbh, I'm confused by your posts. You start a thread saying you're really angry, but you really don't come across like you are. Sounds more like you like the sound of the car, and are quite enjoying the drama.

As to the amount of money... If the 30K was partly yours, it's out of order. If it was one time only money earmarked for house (inheritance, ISA maturing, equity from previous house) then I'd be seriously angry. moreso if it was for large scale much needed renovation. But if it was savings built up over a few months and was only needed for a new sofa cos you fancied one, not needed it, and could be saved up again, it's not such a big deal.

I'd still find it odd that my husband didn't want to talk about it with me though.

Amateurish · 27/01/2012 22:21

Lovely car and a good choice. Don't forget that it is an asset so even if he sells after a year he will get most of the money back.

I would still be pissed though!

Original poster
Openmouthedshock · 27/01/2012 22:25

Not enjoying drama cab the intitial shock made me vent on here (I love MN for that) but it's really not in my style to go off the wall. There are few things that make me rage! We had talked about and had agreed on a reasonable sum, but this was a lot more than planned.

He's having a mini mid-life crisis, I know it! I have bigger fish to fry to be honest. He's genuinely not a bad guy but this is one big fuck up.

He has agreed to make amends from 'his' pot of money (don't ask, it's all ours technically but there are various pots from various sources which belong to us as individuals) and so the house decorating funds have been put back.

Can't say he seems happy about it though.

Tough titties.

Thanks for all your very frank and helpful advice.

OP posts:
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 27/01/2012 22:27

When I got pg with DD OH went out for a drive in his Cavalier and came back in a fucking MANTA.

A MANTA. It didnt even have sodding seatbelts. It was a 3 door and the doors were massive and went 'squeeeeeeeeeeeee' when you opened them (with both hands because they were so heavy)

Idiot.

When I had DS he went out and bought a convertable jeep with no back seat belts so great for baby car seats then Hmm. He sulked for a week because I wouldnt let him get out of the car and sent him straight back to get seatbelts fitted (at great expense).

People kept poking things under the hood on the way home from the pub. We were always finding odd things in it. The kids hated it. I have some hilarious photos of them looking grumpy on a holiday in Cornwall with blankets wrapped round their heads.

Fecking cars, fecking men.