To not care what DH thinks of my appearance.

[wantstosleepnow]

This is a long running argument between DH and I.

I have changed hairstyles a few times since we met, when I had long jet black hair.

He hates short hair, and he doesn't like my hair colour(white, almost grey).
So although my hair isn't that short, I did cut it(myself) into a bob last week. He got a bit moody and said why would I do things to make myself deliberately unattractive to him.

The thing is I could never imagine myself not experimenting and trying new
Looks, it's part of what I do. And no, I don't really take into account what he thinks.

Should I?

tinker some people have a gft/knack at cutting their own hair. Like people who can draw...or do their makeup well. It's not uncommon.

MeltedIf its your own frigging BODY then it's nothing CLOSE to selfish or ignorant! What IS selfish and ignorant is to attempt to influence someone ELSES body in a way they may not like.

for fucks sake...the ignorance is astounding!

Oh come on BandOMothers. Not liking your partner's hairstyle is hardly the fucking crime of the century.

BandOMothers - OP can compromise. I doubt this is the only hair style in the world that she would like!

If my DP decided to grow his hair long I would not find him as attractive. I would still love him and think he looks good but not as attractive. I wouldn't think he would suit it as much. That is from someone who went out with a few long haired guys! You can't hep what you like and find attractive/unattractive.

It is pretty rotten imo to completely disregard your spouse, whether male or female! Whether about finances or body.

YABU to not care.

There's a difference between not caring and caring a bit but deciding that my desire for short hair is currently more important than his liking for long hair.

Exactly PocPoc. OP has said that her DH still thinks she is attractive. She says he DOES NOT dictate! He was probably moody that she completely ignored him!

It's like the difference between taking someone's argument into consideration but still thinking they are wrong vs just ignoring them completely.

Does seem like I should care then, and I do, that's why it's playing on my
Mind.

Pic of homemade bob is on profile on twitter @holliejobber.

I'm a feminist. And I post on the feminist boards. And I think it's generally considered affectionate and respectful if both parters try not to radically alter their appearance in ways that they know their partner will find unattractive. Not that they don't have any right to, just that it's not a great sign in a relationship if they're entirely uninterested in whether the partner finds them attractive.

I have always had the same hair because it is really curly and looks weird short, but I KNOW even if I came home with a shaved head DH would never, ever make me feel like I was "making myself unattractive" to him, because it is MY hair and he fancies me for more than my hair. If he DID say "dont get X haircut", I would be so surprised that he would think he had some sort of control over what I did with my appearance I don't know what I'd do to be honest.
Similarly, he has had long hair, beard, short hair, cleanshaven, moustache, when he goes to music festivals he dyes it, he has had a mohawk, he sometimes wears clothes I wouldn't choose, but it doesn't bother me in the slightest because it is still him. It's crazy that the OP is being accused of disregarding or ignoring her husband just because she fancied cutting her hair. Very strange!

linky?

I've sat here reading and I am ashamed to say I completely go off my DH when he has a beard. I hate it. I don't fancy him with it at all. I make him shave.

I don't know if that is aesthetics or the feel of it though.

I'm reading this and all I'm thinking is I WANT TO SEE A PHOTO OF YOUR HAIR.

Oops, took so long to read the thread in-between eating pudding I see you have linked a photo . Will go look now.

There is nothing at all wrong with your hair.

That's not really the point though.

Take your DH put of the equation.

IF a GF comments a particular (past) style suited you better than the one you have now, would you be similarly offended?

I dont do twitter and I certainly have no desire to join up, beg you to befriend me, just to clock a look at your pictures. No offense, but is this a 'ooh I have loads of followers' sort of accrual thing?

Can somebody please link the photograph.

if my husband told me I was less sexually attractive to him because of my hair style I would consider that to be creepy and coercive

I would certainly question why I married him...I would wonder why I married such a dickhead

Can we see the pic without joining twitter?

You don't have to be friends with someone
On twitter to look at a photo, that's why I did it

Not sure it's working anyway!!

Well I like it :)

I don't think you're being unreasonable, it's your hair and up to you how you style it. I probably would prefer it if my dh liked my hair, but I wouldn't style it a certain way just to suit him.

I do think your Dh is unreasonable to call you unattractive though.

The only photograph I could see was of two women both wearing hats.

I was going to write a long reply but i'm tired and can't be bothered

The gist of it was, OP I agree with you