women who 'get on better with men'

[bejeezus]

I would have said this about myself into my 20's. I have 2 acquaintances who are women who 'get on better with men' 'have more male friends than female'

Neither of this women IMO have what it takes to be a good friend. They are both quite fickle and seem to lack empathy,I wouldnt trust them or rely on them. I can't really put my finger on what it is about them; they seem a bit fair-weather

On reflection, when I was younger I was less open and was probably emotionally immature (compared with peers) and didnt really have any great girl-friends when growing (not that I recognised). Since having made good female friends,that i do appreciate- there is nothing like it. I think girl-friend relationships are much deeper and enduring and there is nothing like it

Whats your experience of women who 'get on better with men'?
AIBU if I think they are a bit rubbish?

TheLadiesman - as time goes on male friends from Uni aquire wives/girlfriends who get invited round for dinner too! I can't imagine a situation where an old male mates partner wouldn't feel welcome in my home, or included in activities. It's the same as old school friends aquire husbands.

Friendship as the years go on involves supporting people through awful things like bereavement/family illness/redundancy etc as well as "good times". Mutual interests & complimentary temperments sustain friendships with either sex. Both can change over time, (I no longer have the fascination with motor bikes I did in my teens, but enjoy my veggie plot instead lol!)

I have realised, in my forties, that I am a woman's woman through and through. I used to think I liked men and women equally (in a platonic sense) but I realise now looking back, that my attraction to men in social settings was never without an ulterior motive. I am still a terrible flirt (I am told) but it is done in the utmost innocence on my part. Since I've been married and happily so, with no eye on a fling, (20 years) I cannot think of a single man I have met who has interested me or who I have connected with (conversationally/intellectually ) more than my women friends.

im not at all understanding those of you that have said that women are bitchy/talk about nothing but babies/worry all the time about how thin they are/chat about outfits/get excited about shoes (fancy or otherwise!)/enjoy cliques/going out or on holiday in large groups/moan about the school cleaner

This does not describe me or any of my friends

Who ARE these women??????

I find men quite dull and/or self-absorbed conversationalists generally, in comparison to women. not all of them, obviously, but lots of them are just dullards.

Also I find many women talk a lot and I don't, I will converse but I cannot deal with stream of conscience chatter, it basically does my head in. I have never met a man that does this but I know of plenty of women who do. Oh boy, I know I am going to get biscuited now!!!

I think yabu. I have friends of both sexes. But i probably err on the side of having more male friends. Mainly because I don't get accepted by groups of women. I don't understand the unwritten rules.

For example, a group of women who know each other through a toddler group - on their 2nd/3rd children, so known each other for several years. One of them decides to organise a night out. But for her own reasons she decides to deliberately exclude one woman and not invite her. Yet none of the others in the group protest or take it upon themself to invite the left out woman. They maintain a stoney silence about it. I should point out that the woman hasn't done anything to offend anybody. Now what is that all about?

Now my dh has several different packs of friends and they just don't behave like that.

I just find the rules that go with male friendship easier to understand.

cogito

so you are saying you PREFER your male friendship BECAUSE they ARE more fickle and less deep?

But fickle and superficial aren't the same thing, bejeezus...that's what's confusing me.

What's wrong with preferring superficial friendships anyway? I have 2 female friends I tell everything to (one of whom seems to have ditched me now that she has a man) and my partner and beyond that I don't feel the need to spill my guts to everyone I meet. It doesn't mean I'm a superficial person.

Well, I talk a lot to my female colleagues about outfits and shoes, so these women do exist.

I think I don't need a deep female relationship,where I share everything etc. etc. as I have DP who is my bestest friend and I can confide in. I like having more superficial relationships; it's refreshing.

I have friends of both sexes. I have male friends from my high school years. One of my dearest friends is married to another very dear friend of mine.

To be honest, I really think it is possible to have a close friendship with a man, even if I believe that friendship woman/woman and woman/man flourishes on different bases and different emotional needs.

I used to have several very very close friendships with men, but not one of them survived me meeting my DH, and I think that says something. Not sure what though.

I agree with Abs, I don't have a 'best' female friend either, and haven't for about 15 years - though I have had several quite ong-standing 'best' friends up until then - one or two of whom were guys. I have my DH and I have my girlfriends, and they are great, but I don't need to spill my guts on everything that goes on in my life to one person - apart from my husband.

I find I am less close to my female than male friends because women are socialised to be a bit more indirect in communication and men are socialised to be more direct. I'm not good at picking up on subtle signals (in some cases passive aggression, which winds me up) which can hinder these relationships and over the years this knocked my confidence so that I feel shyer around women in the first place, making it harder to get close to them. I often find that I am judged or not trusted by many women who conform more to the gender norm in terms of appearance and interests than I do.

I think your post is quite judgey.

I am heavily involved in a very male-dominated hobby which means that I have a lot of male friends and get on very well with men, but not because they're MEN per se, but because they're nice people.

The same with women.

It is impossible to generalise in that way.

If you find friendships with women too bitchy, perhaps your friends with the wrong women? (or perhaps it's you?)

"so you are saying you PREFER your male friendship BECAUSE they ARE more fickle and less deep?"

I didn't say anything about fickle. Less deep is great. Less nosey works as well. My good female friends know not to proble about personal stuff because I'll mostly clam up and tell them to butt out. Men don't seem to want to know in the first place :) Also... and this is probably a terrible failing... I find men are easier to organise!

Out of my 5 oldest friend (26 year friendships) 4 are male.
They have all married fantastic partners who are now as close friends.
i think I talk, share feelings, laugh, and tease in the same way with all 5 males as I do the 5 females.
I'm sure if you have the right friends it shouldn't make a difference what sex they are just how much you love their company.

YABU. I have some lovely close female friends but in a group situation I always feel more comfortable with men, mainly because my humour and personality suit them better. And I am in charge of communications so I think my social skills are just dandy thanks.

Prefer men. And I'm not flaky. And not all men, most of them are gits. Actually, most people are dicks.

yellow

I didnt say there was anything wrong with prefering sperficial friendships

OK,yes fickle is different to superficial

cogito...i dont understand your point about men being easier to organise?

cumbria eh? I dont find women bitchy

Well you pretty much conflated "fair weather" with "rubbish" so.

I have always had friends of both sexes but thinking about it, I tend to have one or two very close female friends and a larger, more casual group of mostly male friends. It's been like that since I was at school. I put it down to having some quite nerdy interests.

I find it easier to make friends with men - they seem on the whole much happier to just sit down and blather on about stuff or share a joke, often without bothering with names, even - thinking about it, men traditionally have a culture of going down the pub on their own and just chatting to whoever happens to be there and that's much harder for women I think.

I don't get on with women who mistrust other women because they get on with men though, or men who don't trust their female partners because they get on with men, or men who willfully misinterpret a friendly blather as a come-on and can't think of any other reason a woman would want to talk to them.

I think superficial and fair weather friendships are rubbish

But they're not for everyone. For me they are more comfortable. It doesn't mean I want to nick your husband as some have suggested.

so I don't think I'd get on with bochead or TheLadiesMan (whose name says it all )

I've always got on better with men. Personally, i've had less in common with the women i've met.

I have only had 3 female friends in my life in which which i had things in common. I am sure all of you are interesting (which is why i come on MN - for a feminine perspective) but IME the women I have met have spoken about tedious things.

I have spent a lot of time temping and the women i have worked with have spoken about; reality tv, moaned about men, or talked ad nauseum about how many points there are in food (like it's some kind of elaborate scoring system).

Of course there are many men too who like to discuss sport and other things who i also don't have anything in common with.

I would dearly love some female friends but i always end up getting on with blokes more. Even when i go out with my parents and their friends, i end up chatting with dad and 'the men' (talking about politics, music and films) rather than sitting with mum and 'the women' (talking about each others outfits, where to buy the best tights and who said what to who)

i also drink pints