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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

women who 'get on better with men'

287 replies

bejeezus · 10/01/2012 16:04

I would have said this about myself into my 20's. I have 2 acquaintances who are women who 'get on better with men' 'have more male friends than female'

Neither of this women IMO have what it takes to be a good friend. They are both quite fickle and seem to lack empathy,I wouldnt trust them or rely on them. I can't really put my finger on what it is about them; they seem a bit fair-weather

On reflection, when I was younger I was less open and was probably emotionally immature (compared with peers) and didnt really have any great girl-friends when growing (not that I recognised). Since having made good female friends,that i do appreciate- there is nothing like it. I think girl-friend relationships are much deeper and enduring and there is nothing like it

Whats your experience of women who 'get on better with men'?
AIBU if I think they are a bit rubbish?

OP posts:
toptramp · 10/01/2012 19:20

I once had a flat,mate who didn't have any female friends; because she hated women. She also tried to steal my ;love interest. She was just very insecure and couldn't hack the competition! I do think that men make fabulous friends though. I find men much easier to handle as mates rather than as partners.

memphis83 · 10/01/2012 19:28

My real friends are all men, we have grown up together, it started off as a group of girls and lads, then one by one all the girls slept with or kissed and messed about with the lads and then vanished, I never went with any of them and 15 years later they are the best friends in the world, I had an awful pregnancy and they were there, they get on great with my DH.
But I have missed out on mates holidays as th lads would go as a big group with mates from outside our group who wanted it all lads, and I have never had close female friends who I would holiday with, I have one school friends who I see a couple of times a year who is a woman but we are so different she has lots of female friends and is carreer minded, she seems the more unemotional, cold person out of the two of us amd she always cancels on me.

Xenia · 10/01/2012 19:36

My close friends have always been male. I think there seem to be quite a lot of us out there on this thread. There's nothing wrong with being in either camp or both. People just differ.

Portofino · 10/01/2012 19:38

I have never really thought about this before! Most of my closest friends are certainly female but also I do have very good male friends too. I think I have more in common with my female friends - we are "of an age", we mostly have children. I am not aware of any cliquiness or bitchiness - maybe this is because I am older and/or never did the schoolgate friends thing?

I am cetainly too busy (and life is too short) to cultivate the fickle. I am who I am. Like me or don't like me - and vice versa. I don't see the people I DO like often enough.....

OldMumsy · 10/01/2012 19:40

Spuddy, I relate totally. Wanna be my friend??

Spuddybean · 10/01/2012 19:41

Love to! Wink

ReduceRecycleRegift · 10/01/2012 19:44

I don't distrust women who HAPPEN to have more male friends than female, but do distrust women who describe themselves as getting on better with men.
making any sense?

Original poster
bejeezus · 10/01/2012 20:03

I am cetainly too busy (and life is too short) to cultivate the fickle. I am who I am. Like me or don't like me - and vice versa. I don't see the people I DO like often enough.....

this is so true

OP posts:
yellowraincoat · 10/01/2012 20:04

I don't get what you mean, Reduce. Is it because we're going to steal your husband?

ReduceRecycleRegift · 10/01/2012 20:11

"I don't get what you mean, Reduce. Is it because we're going to steal your husband?"

Grin bizaar! why do you make that leap?

was it because I said I don't trust them? you added on "with my husband" - why did you do that?

I don't trust them to enhance my life, that's all I meant Grin. I don't have to trust 50% of the population of the world with my husband, I just have to trust him.

asdevil · 10/01/2012 20:11

I don't get what you mean, Reduce. Is it because we're going to steal your husband?

No, it probably means she would question your intelligence, as would I. I do have an issue with people who make such sweeping generalisations

limitedperiodonly · 10/01/2012 20:20

People are people.

I have friends. Some of them are male, some of them are female.

I mistrust women who say they can't get on with women as much as I mistrust men who say: 'Limited, you're so unlike other women. I like you so much.'

IME they both have a flawed agenda just like people who claim never to 'suffer fools gladly' which is shorthand for 'I am an intolerant arsehole.'

SolpadeineMaxed · 10/01/2012 20:21

Most of my friends are male. If that makes me a bit rubbish, well, I can live with it.

I have a couple of female friends and at times I find their competitiveness and their tendency to over-analyse excruciating. I always have to choose my words carefully so as not to cause the slightest offense, otherwise I have to spend the rest of the day explaining what I actually meant or didn't mean.

I find women hard to figure out and easy to offend (in general, not all).

Also should mention that I've never tried to shag someone else's DH.

OldMumsy · 10/01/2012 20:22

Or it could be just someone who doesn't want to waste their time with idiots?

Original poster
bejeezus · 10/01/2012 20:22

i think yellow was being sarcastic,because ladiesman said,he didnt think a relationship between a man and a women could ever be pleutonic

OP posts:
OldMumsy · 10/01/2012 20:23

Addressed to Limited

Original poster
bejeezus · 10/01/2012 20:24

platonic! Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
bejeezus · 10/01/2012 20:26

limited
people who claim never to 'suffer fools gladly' which is shorthand for 'I am an intolerant arsehole

people who say this usually ARE the fool

OP posts:
ReduceRecycleRegift · 10/01/2012 20:27

Limitedperiod! agree re people who "don't suffer fools gladly"

and men who are not on civil terms with any of their exes (I'm just talking about being able to say "hello how are you?" and be polite if they bump into each other, not expecting the break-ups themselves to not be crap but if they can't be pleasant to anyone they spent significant periods of their lives with, then I don't want to spend part of mine with them IYKWIM)

People who say that people always let you down

All those statements make me not want to trust someone, Don't think any of them are more likely to shag my husband than anyone else though Grin

ReduceRecycleRegift · 10/01/2012 20:28

"Or it could be just someone who doesn't want to waste their time with idiots?"

maybe, but I've only heard it come from the mouths of particularly ignorant types who fitted the bill of idiot better than the people they were "on one" about

limitedperiodonly · 10/01/2012 20:29

Oldmumsy I find the phrase 'doesn't suffer fools gladly* a cheap excuse for an inexcuseably intolerant attitude.

Maybe that reveals my own intolerance for intolerant and unimaginative people.

ReduceRecycleRegift · 10/01/2012 20:31

"Maybe that reveals my own intolerance for intolerant and unimaginative people"

Grin
Spuddybean · 10/01/2012 20:32

i must say i have had sex with all my male friends tho (apart from the gay ones). Long times ago though - teenage fumbles. The 2 i hadn't slept with both tried it on when my H and i got divorced (within days of my separation) - one said that surely it was now his turn, as he'd been waiting long enough and if i went to the clinic 1st he'd shag me without a condom. Shock

I stopped being his friend pretty quickly!

yellowraincoat · 10/01/2012 20:33

I was being ironic, Reduce, don't worry, I'm not after your husband.

Doesn't suffer gladly is definitely what people say to mean "I am an arsehole".

ArtexMonkey · 10/01/2012 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.