In thinking that if you won't go out alone at night because you've got a vagina, you are actually a bit pathetic?

[solidgoldbrass]

Because, statistically, if you have a vagina, you are far more at risk of being murdered if you stay at home If your home has a man in it. Yet time and time again there's this 'Waa, waa, I need an armed escort or a male owner to protect me if I'm ever going to set a foot out of doors after dark. It's so unreasonable to expect me to use public transport or walk anywhere...'

I don't need to be walked home here - it's the middle of nowhere so a car or bus has to be involved somewhere.

BUT - when I lived in London, I walked home, drunk, after midnight many times without any problems. The one and only time that I was robbed, was when I had just finished work and was waiting for a bus.

The OP is generalising IMO; everyone's experiences are not the same, some people may have very good reason to not want to go out after dark, or by themselves.

Yank

I was attacked on the street late at night on 3 separate occasions. The first time I had to fight off a gang of teenage girls, second time I was attacked by 3 men who all raped me (i aborted the result of this encounter 5 weeks later, so I know it was not just a horrible dream), the third time I was attacked by one men who got more than he bargained for and he run away.

At home I have a loving husband who never done anything other than loved and cared for me.

Fuck your statistic SG

And fuck you for calling me pathetic (for being afraid to walk home alone)

When i was about seventeen my friend decided to ewalk home from the nightclub. I got into a taxi and the driver jumped on top of me and ripped off my tights. I hit him, escaped and hid in a friends back garden, terrified he wuld find me with his torch. I never told anybody. When i was 23 i was mugged at 6pm in the Winter by a gang. When i was thirty two my boyfriend stole from me.

I was followed from the tube station in Highgate at midnight.
I was always told by my Mother never to risk walking alone in the dark. Also I've watched Crimewatch since the programme started which doesn't help.

Most attacks on Crimewatch seem to happen at night.

I'm scared to go out at night because I have PTSD after being r, yet I was r in my own bed. Makes no damn sense, but that's PTSD for you.

YABU. I'm not pathetic; I'm awesome. [preens]

at Yank.

I have had some odd experiences out and about at night, been followed, approached, etc and just taken it in my stride. If it happened now I would be terrified and looking back I'm surprised nothing bad ever happened to me.

But thinking about it my husband is quite protective, not in a controlling way but since we have lived here has always offered to pick me up, dislikes me walking alone etc and this combined with the fact that I'm hardly ever out at night as a matter of course as I used to be has probably conditioned me to feel vulnerable, as at says.

I used to laugh at my mum for not answering the door at night but now I too feel vulnerable and I really don't like it!

X-posts with some horrible posts. I'm so sorry you all went through such awful things.

I'm totally pathetic. I hate being out on my own in the dark and if I had someone with a penis I would definitely put him to good use. In many many ways! Sorry that was a bit pervy. Can't do emoticons on my mobile but if I could I'd be giggling. I'm childish and pathetic.

Surely it's situation and location rather than night or day?

My walk home from work when I did nights was just as dull and uneventful as when I did days.

Except for weekend nights then it was an arse at times.
But it was also an arse walking past the same pubs at 4 pm in the afternoon too.

Oh and I never liked having to walk home in a posercut when the street lights were out, but I should imagine penis owners would feel the same, as that's more of a primal "fuck a tigers going to get me fear".

Posts like the OP's that have no real thought or diplomacy applied to the writing of the post are really unnecessary and show a complete lack of respect to MNers who have had traumatic experiences whether they choose to disclose it or not.

Why do some women think other women are pathetic because they choose not to take the same risks as others?

My self-preservation is essential to the wellbeing of my children and husband and I won't take any unnecessary risks that may put that in jeopardy. Some may call me chicken, pathetic, over cautious but I call it common sense and love for my family.

That's so awful Bebe and Lizzie. I am so sorry. :(

I was raped, and it was terrible, and fuck if it's going to happen again. I will hurt you. I will give as good as I get and possibly more. I have pepper spray, a taser, and a lot of rage. Good frickin' luck.

And SGB I think that's a needlessly and purposefully upsetting OP.

Solid Using your logic, should I sleep outside in a cardboard box, as the vast majority of accidents happen within the home?

I think you've been a bit naive and tactless, especially given the experiences of some of the posters here.

I don't think that anyone should be chastised for avoiding circumstances where they feel uncomfortable or at risk. I am male and will get the bus/taxi late at night, as I do not feel safe walking home through a vast unlit park that has been the site of numerous robberies with violence in the last few months.

Whilst statistically I am unlikely to be attacked on any given walk home, I am not prepared to cause myself anxiety and run that risk in order to prove a point to anyone.

I do not understand why folk are so afraid of the dark. 8pm in December really shouldn't be any more dangerous than 8pm in June.

Do you really not understand ragged?

Posts like the OP's that have no real thought or diplomacy applied to the writing of the post are really unnecessary and show a complete lack of respect to MNers who have had traumatic experiences whether they choose to disclose it or not

Agree with the above.

The irony of a thread like this where a woman insults other women in the name of her feminist stance.

Considering more attacks happen during darkness than daylight, it really should not be that hard to understand.

And I completely agree with you Amberleaf. This kind of thread, and the tone of the OP are the very reason why I find the majority of the feminists on this board to be aggressive and scornful towards other women. Not particularly sisterly, or supportive at all. :(

I actually like living with a man who loves and cares for me enough to stay sober, get out of bed and pick me up.

Ironic as it is - i don't allow DCs to walk home alone late at night either. Boy or girl.

I wouldn't want dh to walk home alone and would collect him.

So in this house we are weak and pathetic. (and that's with knowing, painfully) that you are far more at risk at home.

The irony of a thread like this where a woman insults other women in the name of her feminist stance.

I am find a huge amount of irony from feminists all the time.

I think, as one poster has been brave enough to talk about on here, that terrible experiences often lead to an emotional response. That has little to do with statistics and more about where that woman feels secure.

It then makes sense that they would feel unsafe when alone, and in an unfamiliar place, regardless of where they had previously been when they had bad experiences.

yabu, smug, insensitive, thoughtless and a little bit bitchy.
I've been followed and kerb crawled on a few occasions, both at night and during the day, mostly in central areas of a lively town. It's a terrifying experience, you're dealing with an unknown quantity and the realistic fear that you could very easily be attacked at any minute. One man even tried to reassure me by telling me he was not going to hurt me and mentioned the name of a locally murdered girl.
I have had a taxi driver kerb crawling me in the early hours, swearing and telling me to get in now and How stupid I was to ignore him.
I was actually in another taxi when the driver told me he could drive me to a remote spot and rape me and noone would ever know.
really too many to go into now but I am so angry at your derogatory comments and gross generalising.
I have also worked alone with dangerous criminals but had the benefit of knowing the risk factors plus a good idea of their capabilities.
Take away mystery and a lot of the fear disappears .

I was once followed home and as a result I never go out after dark unless it is life or death (or calpol!) unless I have someone with me.

I was about 22 ish, out til elevenish for my friends birthday and walked home as I wasnt drunk and felt fine about doing it. It was just over a mile.

I was fine but then I was a bit freaked by this man walking behind me. I thought I was probably overreacting so I did the whole crossing the road/speeding up/walking near the kerb and everything I did, he copied me. Where I lived at the time was at the top of a hill and there were three roads to it. I picked the longer walk but up a less steep hill, which was sheer luck as my friends parents lived on that road. By the time I got to next door to their house I was terrified as he was right behind me and he said "alright love, whats the rush" in a kind of leery way, and I just shouted "MUUUM!!! I'm home!!!!" and belted through the gate and hammered on their door. He just stood there watching me as I think he knew I was panicking and thought it wasnt the house of anyone I knew. I knew they were up as the lights were on, and friends dad must have flown to the door, probably because of my hammering. I fell into the house and just said I was being followed, friends dad saw this guy hovering in the street and said to me, very loudly, "CALL THE POLICE" and then started to go out to him, and the guy legged it. They called my parents who came and fetched me home.

It was the second most frightening thing that has ever happened to me, and it has stayed with me ever since. The fear I feel out on my own in the dark is not something I can adequately describe.

Call me feeble and pathetic and I will tell you to fuck off.

I made a similar point on another thread, but I can only assume - for the love of Keith, let it be so - that SGB is referring to women who have no tangible reason (or previous experience) to actually be afraid. And is not blanket referring to literally every woman, even those who've had actual, awful experiences.

As I said on the other thread, women have been massively conditioned to be very afraid of nameless, faceless attackers - when statistically, as a group, we're more likely to be hurt by someone known to us, even someone who loves us, than by a random. Far, far more likely.

Me as an individual? I'm personally way more likely to be attacked by a random - assuming I find myself in such a situation - but that doesn't alter the overall figures.

I think the OP was just a very cack-handed way of trying to challenge ingrained ideas and fears. [/givesbenefitofdoubt]

Bogey - that man sounds like an utter fuckwit.

It reminds me of my Dad saying that he was walking home from work in winter (so twilight/dark) when he noticed one our neighbour's daughters walking a way off in front of him. He noticed her glance back, see someone and speed up and instantly recognised that she was a bit scared, so went to speed up himself so as to overtake her and put her mind at rest. But as he sped up, so did she - obviously becoming more scared. At that, he stopped, and let her hurry on, before continuing on his way.

He said it was such an eye-opener as to how women feel when out walking alone at certain times of the day, where men in the same position would be totally oblivious to any sense of unease - and then downright discomfort when actually sensing a actual, perceived threat.

No decent person would get their kicks out of scaring someone. Who was that man? Someone's son, brother, friend, even partner perhaps. Probably the type to ultimately present an actual danger to a person known to him; a date or girlfriend. :(