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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should my friend's DH pick her up after work?

199 replies

totallyscunnered · 06/01/2012 20:32

I think he should, she won't ask.

She finishes work at midnight. It's a mile walk home, along a partially lit country-ish road (fields on one side)

He has the car, she doesn't drive.

They have 2 DC's who are 13 and 11.

He doesn't want to leave the DC's in the house alone.

I think he should go and pick her up and not leave her walking home.

MN Jury, AIBU to think this?

OP posts:
radiohelen · 06/01/2012 21:53

Walking in the dark is dangerous. Walking the same route in the dark regularly is very dangerous. Walking late at night is dangerous.

Up to date enough for you news

SecretMinceRinser · 06/01/2012 21:57

I can post a load of horrid things that have happened to people in the daytime if you like then we can all barricade ourselves in our homes and be done with it Hmm

SecretMinceRinser · 06/01/2012 21:59

No problem Martha and have a few Hmm Hmm Hmm back as you like them so much!

Gumby · 06/01/2012 22:02

If she's been doing it for years why hasn't she got a more practical job by now or moved nearer to a decent bus route?

MarthasHarbour · 06/01/2012 22:08

thanks secret it has always been my favourite emoticon! Wink

zest01 · 06/01/2012 23:11

No more dangerous at night than in the day imo. she should just get a cheap bike and cycle it or look for a different job

coldwed · 06/01/2012 23:18

She is very brave. I am scared to walk in the morning at 8am and I live in a 'safe' area. I just hate the dark.

Her husband really should be picking her up.

coldwed · 06/01/2012 23:24

StealthPolarBear - Well when everyone was snowed in last winter, one MNer ( a health care worker?) was called lazy by a fair few people for not wanting to walk to 5 (iirc) miles to work, starting at 5am to be sure of being there on time. In the ice and freezing temperatures. When she pointed out it would be dark she was told to get a torch.
I may hav a couple of details wrong, but am amazed that this thread seems to be saying the opposite.

What? torch? to get to work in the dark?| lol - that is shocking. Couldn't be me.
I would have to pack the job up. Nothing is worse than that.

kickassangel · 06/01/2012 23:25

tbh, cycling or walking are not that safe from people driving too fast at night. It's prob more the walk home at the end of a long day when she's exhausted & could do with a little tlc.

but I don't see that there's much op can do about it. (if it were me, I'd hate you to be picking me up, I'd be embarrassed)

if this were a reasonable marriage, it would seem ok to suggest that if she's tires/weather's crap, that she ring earlier & ask him to stay up & meet her, or some such compromise, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

startail · 06/01/2012 23:26

If the weather was awful DH would come and pick me up, but otherwise a mile is no distance at all. You don't get free bus passes for infants for under 2 miles or under 3 miles at 8
I like the dark, I stroll up the hill in the dark quite often.

carernotasaint · 06/01/2012 23:30

Nagoo said "you dont see a soul and its unlikely she would either"
Claudia Lawrence probably thought she would be ok in the early hours of the morning too.

startail · 06/01/2012 23:31

Torches and florescent vests are cheap and readily available.
The ladies of my WI would suggest a nice heavy magliteWink

lurkinginthebackground · 07/01/2012 00:54

At fist I thought he should pick her up. 11 and 13 year olds are perfectly fine to leave as long as he explains before they go to bed that he will pop out for 10 mins to pick up their mum. However, seeing that he is actually asleep in bed then no I don't think he is being unreasonable.

solidgoldbrass · 07/01/2012 01:01

If she's been doing it for several years its clearly not that risky. Or she would have been murdered several times over.
I can't imagine whining for a lift for a 15 minute walk but then I am car free and always have been, so I walk a lot. And use night buses. I think your friend is pretty cool to not buy into all this crap about what fragile ickle flowers women are.

working9while5 · 07/01/2012 01:11

You gave her "a rollicking about driving lessons"? Hmm.

Are you her mum? There is nothing that gets on my wick more than listening to people passing remarks about adult non-drivers as though they were children because they haven't achieved at a particular skill. I would wager that, like most of the rest of us out there she has taken a fair few lessons in her time and for one reason or another (money, fear, incompetence) has not passed a test. I have had this for years. People feel they can stick their oar in and talk to me like I was some sort of lazy half-wit because despite ALL my other achievements in life, this is one that just hasn't come easily.

Invariably, those who have the most to say about it passed at 17 on lessons provided from the bank of Mum and Dad. Many of them had a handful of lessons many moons ago, yet think that after 2/3 years + of trying and passing that you are just weak if you don't try, try and try again. A fair few of them have had a lot less expert tuition than those of us who fluff it in test situations and, I dare say, a lot of them should never have passed their own driving tests in the first place.

Driving a car is not mandatory and though it can be a pain in the butt from time to time, it is not the life-limiting disease some car drivers think it might be. It's up to this adult woman to decide what she wants to do with herself, her time and her money. Get your beak out of her business.

carernotasaint · 07/01/2012 01:18

Agree 100 % working. I am a non driver too.

yellowraincoat · 07/01/2012 01:20

tbh, I'd walk a mile home at night. It's a mile, it'd take, what 20 - 25 minutes. Not that big a deal.

BluddyMoFo · 07/01/2012 01:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RosieBooBoo · 07/01/2012 01:57

I'm quite shocked at some of the response's and i honestly believe that 99% of the posters saying YABU would NOT be walking home from word at midnight if their dh/p were able to pick them up... and yes my DP would be picking me up as would i if he was in the same boat...
I am also a non-driver and get very annoyed when people tell me "well get driving lessons!". You're right i could get lessons but it would be pointless as i cannot afford to buy a car, pay for insurance, MOT etc...
YANBU

yellowraincoat · 07/01/2012 02:12

Really, Rosie? I can't drive and I regularly walk just short of a mile home. In fact I walk a mile there and a mile back every day and then again if I've been out. So sometimes I do it at 12 o'clock, sometimes later...

We don't have a car, and I can't drive, but I certainly wouldn't expect my partner to pick me up. I don't understand why people are so scared of walking a little bit - it's good exercise, it's a little bit of time to yourself, it's relaxing. 4 times a week when there's kids to be looked after is ridiculous.

iscream · 07/01/2012 02:20

For those calling the husband lazy, that is a bit weird. When I was off work at 7 am, my dh had to leave at 6:40 am to pick me up. He would bring ds who was 12 with him. One morning he decided to not bring him as he didn't want to wake him up, and I was so anxious, my imagination going wild with visions of sudden electrical fires breaking out and murderers breaking into the house.
I did arrange for someone else to pick me up. Luckily it was just a temp job for 2 weeks.

Looking back, I think it would be more logical to have told our neighbors that ds would be alone and they would have been aware of anything weird happening. The fellow across from us was usually sitting on his front porch at that time of day anyways.

And don't assume people do not drive because they are scared, lazy or whatever...there could very well be a medical reason!

goodasgold · 07/01/2012 02:34

I have never driven a car, They won't let me, But I have always been happy to walk 1 or 2 or 5 miles home. That bit of walking time gives you time to think and daydream. People have offered lifts that I have declined, I'd rather have the head space.

RosieBooBoo · 07/01/2012 02:39

Yes, really Yellow. I'm not ashamed to admit that i would be scared of walking home on a partially lit country road in the middle of the night after a shift at work, especially when the kids will be in bed asleep. I'm also not ashamed to admit that my dp would not 'let' me walk home at that time and would come pick me up. And yes, walking is very relaxing, but only in the daylight and on an actual path.

yellowraincoat · 07/01/2012 02:41

You'd be far safer on a country road in the middle of the night than walking in the city. What on earth is likely to happen?

If the OP is scared, she can call her husband or a friend and chat the whole way home. That's what I do if I'm feeling a bit freaked out.

RosieBooBoo · 07/01/2012 02:58

You're right, logically not much is likely to happen but most people's imagination and fears are not logical, i know mine aren't Smile
TBH if i needed to call my husband whilst walking home from work at that time of night and asked him to talk to me because i was scared and he didnt get out of bed and come pick me up i would be asking serious questions about my relationship!
And if i called a friend after midnight instead? Lots of swear words Grin