Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should my friend's DH pick her up after work?

199 replies

totallyscunnered · 06/01/2012 20:32

I think he should, she won't ask.

She finishes work at midnight. It's a mile walk home, along a partially lit country-ish road (fields on one side)

He has the car, she doesn't drive.

They have 2 DC's who are 13 and 11.

He doesn't want to leave the DC's in the house alone.

I think he should go and pick her up and not leave her walking home.

MN Jury, AIBU to think this?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/01/2012 20:41

So she's been in the job for years and still hasn't learnt to drive?

I agree her DH should pick her up, but I can't blame him for being pissed off if she hasn't sorted out her transport by now.

Original poster
totallyscunnered · 06/01/2012 20:41

She says I see it differently because I have a car Blush maybe I do, but even if me and my partner only had one car, I wouldn't like to be walking home alone.

So, the jury's out then? Grin IApossiblyBU

OP posts:
Gumby · 06/01/2012 20:41

Perhaps he just wants to go to bed at 10.30pm like me it needn't have anything to do with the kids

Nagoo · 06/01/2012 20:42

And I wouldn't agree to picking him up every night either.

WorraLiberty · 06/01/2012 20:43

And skint or not, I'm sure she could have picked up a cheap or even freecycle (scuse the pun) bike by now.

Original poster
totallyscunnered · 06/01/2012 20:43

I would pick my partner up if it was me, and leave the kids in the house to do so. Blush If we had one car, and I had the car in the evening I mean

OP posts:
ReduceRecycleRegift · 06/01/2012 20:43

If he is always asleep when she gets in then that is kind of different to how it would be if she walked in and he was sitting up watching tv or something isn't it? Does he work early in the morning or do the school runs etc? if so I think its fair that he gets an early night. I don't see why she doesn't get a taxi, its not going to cost much if it's 5 mins away.

Original poster
totallyscunnered · 06/01/2012 20:43

Worra that's true, or borrowed one from somewhere

OP posts:
Original poster
totallyscunnered · 06/01/2012 20:44

They don't do a school run as such, the kids walk to school.

He works normal hours - 9am start I think (leaves around 8.30)

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 06/01/2012 20:46

Well when everyone was snowed in last winter, one MNer ( a health care worker?) was called lazy by a fair few people for not wanting to walk to 5 (iirc) miles to work, starting at 5am to be sure of being there on time. In the ice and freezing temperatures. When she pointed out it would be dark she was told to get a torch.
I may hav a couple of details wrong, but am amazed that this thread seems to be saying the opposite.

redwineformethanks · 06/01/2012 20:46

Cycling - that must be the answer. Quick and safer in the middle of the night with no cars on the road

cory · 06/01/2012 20:46

Does she have an opinion on this at all?

Original poster
totallyscunnered · 06/01/2012 20:47

Stealth - Shock

I will keep my nose out, and as much as possible collect her when I can.

OP posts:
thepeoplesprincess · 06/01/2012 20:47

Does she (i.e. not you) actually think there's a problem with th;eir current arrangement?

Original poster
totallyscunnered · 06/01/2012 20:48

Cory - she just does it because she always has.

She's quite depressed atm and has a ton of stuff going on (elderly parents, money worries, issues of her own, other issues in the marriage) and this is just a small thing I can do to help her sometimes.

OP posts:
Original poster
totallyscunnered · 06/01/2012 20:49

She wishes he would collect her in the winter when it's dark, cold and icy but she won't ask him to.

OP posts:
PenguinArmy · 06/01/2012 20:50

ok, in freak weather circumstances I would ask DH

marriedinwhite · 06/01/2012 20:51

If she had done it for years and the children have got bigger and old enough to be left alone, I don't see why it has suddenly become a problem. Not sure I would want to do it but I think at the very least I would have got myself a bicycle or learnt to drive. There is so much on here about equality and this seems to fly in the face of all of it.

troisgarcons · 06/01/2012 20:52

My DH would never let me walk anywhere but i'm bone idle and I always pick him up.

However Im a bit confused exactly what can happen @ midnight that can't happen @ midday.

Persoanlly, I would think an 11 and 13yo should be fast asleep - but I would never have left mine alone together, individually, yes, but together no. They would have eaten each other.

FabbyChic · 06/01/2012 20:52

The DC's are fine alone in the house they would be sleeping and are old enough. He should pick her up or give her the cab fare she should not walk at midnight thats real shit.

makachu · 06/01/2012 20:56

I don't think a mile is that far to walk and if they are countryish roads she is really probably not at all at risk. Does she have to walk through any areas with particularly high crime rates? I wouldn't want to be walking through some areas of London alone at that time of night, or any time for that matter! But when I lived in the countryside(ish) and the city I live now it would have been absolutely fine. It's highly unlikely that there will be a mad axe man mugger rapist out waiting on the deserted road to drag her off somewhere. If she's happy walking then that's fine, she can walk, I'm sure she's assessed the risk herself. Then again, I don't drive and I don't mind my walk to and from work, it's nice exercise and it gives me a chance to clear my head.

Maybe she hasn't learned to drive because she doesn't really need to because she is happy to walk and because it's expensive to go through getting a licence and to pay for extra insurance?

I think he should probably pick her up if it snows, is very rainy or there are gale force winds, the kids would be fine and they shouldn't be used as an excuse. They are old enough to know not to let anyone in the house, not to play with fire and what to do in an emergency, but I don't think he should have to pick her up every night at midnight when he has to get up in the morning.

Original poster
totallyscunnered · 06/01/2012 20:58

OK OK IABabitU I just felt bad for her when it was tipping with rain and very cold and her feet were sore and she was tired and white as a sheet and had a cold and was miserable Sad Blush

And I'm a lazy bitch and I'd get my partner to pick me up.

But each to their own and all that

OP posts:
oikopolis · 06/01/2012 20:59

the issue is that this is obviously a routine. she walks this route on certain days of the week etc. and always at the same time. that makes her very vulnerable.

Criminals looks for routines, and vulnerabilities in routines - times when victims are alone, distracted etc. If she was walking home every so often on a random night, it would be much less risk because it's not a pattern.

there's no way in hell I would let DH do that, let alone DH letting me. DH wouldn't even want me to take a job where I had to walk home at that hour regardless of circumstances. her H should pick her up, or she should arrange transport either via a friend or a taxi.

SecretMinceRinser · 06/01/2012 21:00

OP if your friend is happy with the arrangement then it's none of yours or anyone elses business ho she gets home. Maybe she likes the exercise or just doesn't feel the need to be chaperoned everywhere just because she's a woman?
She obviously doesn't mind walking or she would get a cab/learn to drive.

oikopolis · 06/01/2012 21:00

it's good of you to pick her up OP, it's the right thing to do if you're able to.

Swipe left for the next trending thread