AIBU to be 'judgy' over my friend leaving her 8 & 6 year old home alone for 10 mins?

[nevermore]

Popped round to see a friend the other night and her two boys answered the door saying both parents had popped out. Was rather shocked since they are 8 & 6. OK it was a short time and only a few streets away but they went by car (therefore risk of being involved in crash) and it was late evening. I told her I was shocked and thought that if police had called they could have been in trouble. More worrying though to me is fire etc. Am I being a smug suburban mother (am certainly not perfect) but I find this quite shocking & suspect we may fall out a bit over it.

But, BunBaker, nobody's saying that leaving a child is compulsory! Your child wouldn't be happy to be left, so don't leave her. Mine would, so I did. Where's the problem?

It should all depend on the child and what the child is happy with. Parents hive a duty to manage their own neuroses and to be clear sighted about them. Pretending that it's because a house suddenly becomes a death trap when the magic presence of Mummy leaves, not being clear sighted.

Hmm seeker??? Plenty of children are injured in the home by their general surroundings??? When parents are at home...is there a strange phenomenon most of us aren't aware of that gives kids a protective force field when the parent buggers off out??!!!!

No. The house is exactly the same. How many children do you know who have been injured while sitting on the sofa watching the telly?

"List me all these dreadful things that can happen to an 8 and a 6 year old left alone at home watching a DVD for 20 minutes."

If I left my 4 and 2yo one of two scenarios would happen:

• cereal stuffed down the sofa
• poo on the rug
• toys EVERYWHERE (and i mean literally a sea of toys)
• milk splattered up the walls in the kitchen
• Kung Fu Panda on at FULL BLAST

or (less likely but possible)

• both sitting calmly drawing, sharing pens and pencils politely, conversing in Queen's English and DS teaching DD how to write her name, with DD saying please and thank you

I hope they mature in the next 4 years, otherwise I won't leave them for my own sake :o

Yes, but your children are 4 and 2.

We are talking about 8 and 6 year olds.

I know - I was just thinking about the worst that could happen and thinking the worst that could probably happen would be to the house :o

Righty - ho! I reckon that I am too over protective and I need to equip my kids better and give them more independence (eg using the phone) as actually that could increase their safety.I still don't think I would leave mine at 8 and 6 though.This is maybe because they are more dependent than perhaps they should be,or maybe because they are the "fighty types" .Whatever,its outside of my personal comfort zone for my kids.It is not up to me to make that call for anyone else's kids though.
However,I do think that children are more vulnerable when alone.I know particular events are highly unlikely but they can happen.Just as my child should be able to phone an ambulance if I knock myself out,a parent should be there if the 8 year old were to knock themselves out,so they can deal with the situation rather than the 6 year old.I think it IS all about whether the child could cope if there was an emergency,and the decision should be made based on that,not on the belief that nothing bad would happen.

DS1 has been going to beavers (there is a point to me telling you this)

as part of one of his badges, he has been taught about contacting mergency services. what happens when you call 999. the sort of times where you may call 999. what to do in a house fire. if you are separated from your family and feel lost.

he is now 7 and from time to time I have left him and his 5 year old brother in the house whilst I have gone across the road to a friends house for 10 minutes,
they know not to answer the door to anyone, not to anser the phone and if there is a fire or another emergency to leave the house immediately and go to said neighbours house.

I have tested them on it by knocking on the door. and by phoning.

I don't do it alot, but it buys me 5 minutes to nip to the local shop without having to take everyone.

Erm the kids answered the door....therefore they did move from the sofa where they were watching the DVD....my son tripped in the school playground when he was 4 1/2 yrs old...no he doesn't have brittle bones etc it as just an accident, he fell wrong and snapped his leg....now I reckon he could just as easily have done that at home running to the loo...because I know very well that young kids have to run pretty much everywhere !! So from my point of view would I have wanted that to happen to him whilst he was at home alone being watched by an 8 yr old ??? Would I want an 8 yr old child to have to deal with something like that??!! Erm no I wouldn't...so I don't think I am being unreasonable to support the OP....clearly we all have different thresholds

Clearly it's a great idea to equip kids with what they need to do in an emergency, but actually are you comfortable that in a real life incident a child would remember all taught ?!! I know as an adult in an emergency I have sometimes hesitated as to what to do next. My opinion is that you give kids the tools to protect themselves as much as possible, but in the hopes that they will never have to use those skills...whilst as a child anyway

But if you're not going to leave a child alone at home in case they break their leg then you'd never leave them- I'm not sure how my 16 year old would cope if she broke her leg when she was home on her own! Not sure how I would, to be honest!

Yes I've often thought that
TBH falling down the stairs would be so so easy - I don't think my 4yo is any more likely to do it than me but it would be so easy and so nasty for either of us.
That said hopefully most falls down stairs aren't from the top and involve tripping and tumbling rather than just straight down

Interesting point about remembering what is taught, I think the main thing he would remember is that he needs to cross the road and get some help. (quiet cul de sac not maain road) I think if he needed to dial 999 he would be able to be prompted by the operator at the other end.

I would not personally go out for more than 5 -10 minutes to a place that the children could actually get to me easily. It is totally individual choice, and if my son was some of the children his age from school I would not make the same decision

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interesting as I have a DS, who's 7 and my friend has 2 DD's (6&8). DS has recently asked if I would leave him home alone whilst I drove (600m ish!) to corner shop when we have milk/ bread emergencies!

I live in a flat where I can detatch the intercom so he couldn't answer the door!

Food for thought but to sum up my thoughts atm I agree with pag

Won't comment on if UBU or not as done to death already.

That's right seeker...but IMO the ages of those children are too young to cope with potential emergencies that COULD very easily happen. Like I said earlier we all have different thresholds and I wouldn't want my child to have the responsibility. As a poster mentioned earlier her own friend had a go at the older child when he didn't look after the younger one...it wasn't his place to do that...it was the parents. I can't imagine a situation that would have meant when my kids were that age I would have done that..they were awake...it was 10 mins....just take them!!!

But they couldn't very easily happen! When did you last hear one happening?

I might add when we get to shop in such emergencies ^^, DS stays outside in car, round back or opposite shop. I really do wonder of at home for the extra 1 minute is any less safe! although I may need to go buy more food on my return!

All children are different. We don't personally know these children. The parents who left them do. I am confident that my 8yo would be able to comfort a younger, injured child and would know whether it was neccessary to alert a friendly nieghbour or not. She is very grown up and very motherly towards younger children.

My two are always seated in the exact same position as when I left them when I nip to the shops. In front of whatever they were doing when I left them. They don't answer the door unless they have been told I am expecting someone they know. Dd1 checks through the window whether it is the right person, if it is not she does not unlock the door and tells the caller they must wait. We don't know if these children have been told only to open the door to people they know.

I think the point to be remembered also is that its not just a case of the older one looking after the younger one,but the younger one being able to deal with the situation if something happened to the older one.

Surely in most situations such as popping to the shops,you can take them?

Why on earth would you ban the children from answering the phone? Could a poltergeist use the line to enter the house and savage them?

I think if you speak to anyone who work in an A&E dept they will tell you numerous stories of injuries that you would think could never happen but do....I agree with countess who is spot on in that it's whether the 4 yr old is able too look after the 8 yr old in an emergency...please tell me there aren't people who think a 4 yr old is capable ??!!

My DD1 at 4 could recite her address, phone number and use the phone. Not sure whether she could have done any of those in a difficult situation, but she could actually do it.

And in this instance the 4yr old was actually 6.....

The children in the OP are 6 and 8.

In an emergency a 6 year old would be able to call 000.

Well, my 6 year old was capable of that.

If you talk to people who work in a and e you would get a very strange view of the world indeed. full of people doing very strange things with hoovers and vegetables for a start.

Do you know personally of anyone who has suffered an injury while watching a DVD? Or while going to the loo?

If an accident had happened to me when my children were 6 and 8, then they would have been saddled with the responsibility of ringing for an ambulance. Does that mean it was irresponsible for me to be alone in the house with them? I know plenty of adults who have had accidents in their own homes. Which is a good reason to teach your children how to call emergency services at a young age even if you never intend to leave them alone; that is no guarantee they won't need them.

The only reason it would be worse for an 8 yo to be left alone with a 6yo rather than an adult is if you think the 6yo is more likely to have an accident. Which may of course be the case, but it would depends very much a) on the individual 6yo b) on the situation. On the whole, I would have thought there was a greater risk for the need of emergency services when daddy is doing DIY or when I am stepping up onto a chair to get something than when ds is watching the telly; otoh I know children who are likely to cause accidents because they fight or can't keep away from dangerous behaviour.