AIBU to be 'judgy' over my friend leaving her 8 & 6 year old home alone for 10 mins?

[nevermore]

Popped round to see a friend the other night and her two boys answered the door saying both parents had popped out. Was rather shocked since they are 8 & 6. OK it was a short time and only a few streets away but they went by car (therefore risk of being involved in crash) and it was late evening. I told her I was shocked and thought that if police had called they could have been in trouble. More worrying though to me is fire etc. Am I being a smug suburban mother (am certainly not perfect) but I find this quite shocking & suspect we may fall out a bit over it.

Where did they go and why? I find it a bit odd but it's not the end of the world.

Thinking about it I probably would pop to shop while DSD watched TV and she is 8. Personally i think you should only leave DC alone if you can trust the youngest one to be sensible - it is too much of a burden on the older one to 'be in charge' if the younger one decides to be naughty.

Mine tend to be in the same place I left them whether I'm gone for 15 minutes or half an hour. Love the PS3 sometimes.

Actually, that is right DoMeDon, despite what I said earlier. I trusted my older one to be alone a few years back, but would not have left him with the younger one.

Sparkling - I used to be that person! My son used to walk home from school (at around 9 or 10) and have to wait outside til I got home from work (only 10-20 mins). I wouldn't give him a key though as I didn't trust the other little darlings in his school not to nick it and use it to come into our house.

I am now quite happy to leave my 14 year old for extended periods of time, my 8 year old for short periods of time, but not my 6 year old at all. He is a very impetuous and lively 6 year old though.

I've been known to pop to the post box or up the hill for a breath of air, when my two were that age.
Not the end of the world and defiantly not worth falling out over.

OP - I might mention to my friend that the kids opened the door to you. I would hope she had told them not to do that.

Fair enough Oakmaiden. Hadn't thought of that.

Top be honest there were some - erm - "colourful characters" at the school....

I thought it was because people don't want there DC inviting random friends in and having a party. I think the ones I knew didn't trust their own DC oakmaiden.

I think it is a bit risky but life is full of risks. It is all a matter of judgement. 10 minutes (if that is how long it was?) is really only a short time. I wouldn't worry about it.

Just to add, its possible that they opened the door because they saw the OP out a window or similar and know the OP, and therefore she didn't "count" as "don't open the door to strangers". It might have felt rude to them not to because they know her, and they figured it was strangers their parents said not to open the door to...

True Tatty, could be. But worth clarifying with the kids.

Sorry posted to soon. I do think it depends on the maturity of the child. My 10 will not let me leave him alone in the house for 10 mins, believe me, I have tried! He is however happy to walk to the "corner" shop with his friends.

Yes, OP, ultra unreasonable!

This is an eye opener for me. I would never even assess the possibility of leaving mine alone for any period of time at 8 and 6,nor teach them to use the phone.I have long suspected I am overprotective!
I am beginning to wonder whether,reading this, I should be nurturing some more independence in mine.Too much independence could be a bad thing,but perhaps being too dependent makes kids more vulnerable,in some ways.Food for thought.

We have very nice neighbours. They are mostly in their 60's and there is always someone in. I know that any of them would help out if my two needed them, and the neighbours have said that's fine with them.

It all depends on circumstances.

I love the way it always comes down to 'we might be in a car crash' -the implication being that your DCs must be in it with you!!
If I was in a car crash my first thought would be, thank goodness the DCs weren't with me. Even if they are upset, at home, it is a lot better than experiencing the crash.

The thing of being in the car crash isn't that you'd all be happily maimed together, more that they'd be left alone, in the dark etc etc for ages before they knew what was going on. Of course they would go to neighbours in such a situation, I think I was working on misguided instinct but see that I'm way too overprotective & intend to leave for the Maldives first thing. Alone.

I think the point for me that if you do leave the children alone then you have talked about and if necessary practiced scenarios with them to ameliorate risk. That means teaching them your phone number, talking about what to do if they smell smoke, or gas, telling them to only answer the phone if I have given "3 rings" beforehand, telling them not to climb on any high things etc etc.

I would not fall out with your friend but I would not leave a child at that age to look after another child. What would happen if they decided they were hungry and wanted to cook something or make a cup of tea and burnt themselves. You can adopt the argument that they know how to use the kettle safely etc but the law of cusidness (sp) says that they will decide to do it when you are gone for a few minutes and burn themselves. It can happen even when you are there. A friend of mine left a pan that she had cooked fish fingers in on the hob at the back and one little boy wandered out to the kitchen and came straight back to the room. It was only when the pan was on fire that she realised that he had turned the cooker on . It was an accident but she was there and able to deal with it. You can tell kids about the dangers but sometimes they do things without thinking.

I used to leave my mum and dad home alone to go up town three miles on the bus aged 8. They were okay.

As a ttcer, I am likely to turn this risk averse the moment a baby passes through my vagina (or sunroof)? It genuinely baffles me that anyone would think that sensible children of these ages could not be left alone for 10 minutes. What on earth do you think is going to happen (fire and car crash have been mentioned on this thread) and how likely are those things? Life is about assessing and managing risks sensibly. I just cannot see how the risks are higher leaving children in a house for 10 minutes than taking them out in a car or crossing a road with them. (I would mention opening the door though, they should not be doing that.)

I left my 7 year old at home when I went to the phone box recently. I can see it from my bedroom window, so DS stood in the window the whole time waving at me and pulling faces. My Mum was horrified!
Not quite the same as OP, and I don't think I would leave them if I couldn't see the house, I didn't think it was the 'done thing' but maybe it is?