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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be 'judgy' over my friend leaving her 8 & 6 year old home alone for 10 mins?

283 replies

nevermore · 06/01/2012 15:52

Popped round to see a friend the other night and her two boys answered the door saying both parents had popped out. Was rather shocked since they are 8 & 6. OK it was a short time and only a few streets away but they went by car (therefore risk of being involved in crash) and it was late evening. I told her I was shocked and thought that if police had called they could have been in trouble. More worrying though to me is fire etc. Am I being a smug suburban mother (am certainly not perfect) but I find this quite shocking & suspect we may fall out a bit over it.

OP posts:
Waltons · 06/01/2012 20:21

I was a latch key kid from the age of 8, walking home alone or with friends, and spending at least an hour home alone until my mum or dad got in from work. I seem to have lived to tell the tale without acquiring any physical or emotional scars or burning the house down.

catsareevil · 06/01/2012 20:22

I have a friend who does this. I think that it is acceptable, depending on the children.

I'm surprised at an 8 year old not being taught how to use the phone though, how can they have avoided learning this?

InExcelsisDeo · 06/01/2012 20:24

Very unfair to leave an 8 year old with the responsibility of a younger sibling to babysit.

Pagwatch · 06/01/2012 20:28
mrsmaltesers · 06/01/2012 20:31

I very occasionally leave my dd aged 9. Bit she is under the strictest instructions not to answer the door or phone. Its 15 minutes or so when i get ds from a group.

Would not let either child open door when i am not there.

squeakytoy · 06/01/2012 21:22

"This is an eye opener for me. I would never even assess the possibility of leaving mine alone for any period of time at 8 and 6,nor teach them to use the phone"

Why on earth would you not teach a child to use the phone. There is probably more chance of you falling down the stairs and knocking yourself unconcious, WHILE your child is in the house, than there is of you getting hit by a bus if you popped to the shops for two minutes.

Morloth · 06/01/2012 21:34

Well I wouldn't be leaving those particular children again because they opened the door.

DS1 is at home every now and again by himself now, he is 7 and a half, he also is allowed to the little park near our house by himself for short periods (if I can hear there are other kids there).

He can use a phone, mine, DHs, grandparents numbers all on speed dial and he knows the emergency numbers.

They are not toddlers.

He knows the rules and he appreciates his independence and knows that it will be revoked immediately if he breaks our trust. He isn't stupid.

countessbabycham · 06/01/2012 21:35

Exactly what I'm saying squeaky!This is making me reassess why I haven't considered teaching my eldest to use the phone (7 years old)! I think the reason is not a deliberate decision not to - just not really having thought about it.But you're quite right - there can be no harm in teaching her how to use it,and there could be harm in not teaching her. I think this thread is making me realise that I need to do more to increase my kids independence to equip them better.

exoticfruits · 06/01/2012 21:50

There have been cases where 3 yr olds have saved the life of the mother by using the phone and dialing 999.
People assume the worst if they go and leave their DC, they never seem to take in the possibility that they might fall downstairs themselves or knock themselves out. Accidents happen.
There is also the assumption that responsibility is unfair but some DCs love it-I did when I was young.

sashh · 07/01/2012 05:38

Would it be OK for them to walk to school? Far more danger on the way to school than sitting at home watching TV.

yellowraincoat · 07/01/2012 05:47

Oh, we were left on our own loads at that age. Maybe just 10 or 20 minutes at a time, not a big deal.

We wouldn't have opened the door though, they should really be told not to do that.

skybluepearl · 07/01/2012 06:24

I wouldn't be happy leaving the 6 year old. I'm sure they are quite safe on the whole but still wouldn't take the risk. It's them answering the door which is most worrying. I remember being left at home as a child and the meter reading guy pushing past me to take a reading despite me telling him he couldn't come in.

seeker · 07/01/2012 06:30

Were they wearing their special tin foil hats to prevent alien abduction? If so, they were fine. If not, inform social services immediately.

SaraBellumHertz · 07/01/2012 08:40

Bit odd that mum and dad went out together but I leave my DC's (5&7) for short periods, I also allow them to walk alone to neighbours and play in the park across the road.

Bunbaker · 07/01/2012 08:57

I wouldn't have left DD alone at eight. She is a very timid, unconfident child and simply wouldn't have wanted to be left alone and just wasn't ready.

"I'm more shocked at the fact your friends chose to drive 'just a few streets away'. That would be worth falling out over"

I disagree. I presume they drove because if they had walked the 10 minutes might have been half an hour.

I'm baffled as to why they couldn't take the children with them or why both of them had to go. Was this just before Christmas? Perhaps they had left the children's presents at a friend's/relative's house.

Inidentally, if something had happened the press would have had a field day writing about the "home alone" children. This is the argument that OH has when I have been urging DD to be a little more independent.

Whatmeworry · 07/01/2012 09:00

All these judgeypants made of cotton wool!

lucky4 · 07/01/2012 09:29

With you all the way..they are young children they should never be left on their own!An old neighbour I knew did this leaving her kids then 8 and 4 while she popped to shops or popped to a neighbour for coffee...one day I was getting something delivered and as the lorry was backing in to my drive the driver just spotted the 4 year old running beside him to go up my drive to see if his mum was at my house!!The poor driver was shook up...the mum had again popped to shops and as she strolled back we called her over and told her what happened..she justified it by saying she just needed a birthday card and was only gone 15 minutes!!! she got very angry with her son and took her embarrassment out on him by shouting..we stopped from talking shortly after that..so in the I only left them for 10 minutes speech alot can happen!!!She could of had a tragic accident on her hands that day....you are dead right nevermore!!!

duchesse · 07/01/2012 09:41

Utterly depends on the maturity of the children involved. If they are play with matches, hang out of the window, beat the crap out of each other children, then probably not a good idea to leave them alone. If they are sensible and are armed with common sense about how to deal with emergencies, cannot see a problem.

Lueji · 07/01/2012 09:47

What happened with a 4 year old is beside the point. The youngest here was 6! Quite different!

seeker · 07/01/2012 09:47

They were 8 and 6, not 4. Nobody is suggesting leaving a 4 year old at home alone. So using something tht happened to a 4 year old as a reason for an year old not to do it is just silly.

WhyohWhyCantIThinkofaFabName · 07/01/2012 09:47

YANBU Nevermore...an 8 year old child should not be left with the responsibility of a 4 year old child or itself for that matter...as Lucky4 pointed out dreadful things can happen in a short time !! What was so important for both parents to go and not take the kids??!! Yes I understand that kids are at risk when outside etc etc and I agree that kids needs to play to grow, but why place them in a potentially risky situation when it's not necessary ??? I know I for one couldn't live with myself if I had done that and something bad had happened.
Nevermore I don't thin you should be apologising for thinking you are now over reacting because of some of the views on here...

seeker · 07/01/2012 09:51

Ok.

List me all these dreadful things that can happen to an 8 and a 6 year old left alone at home watching a DVD for 20 minutes.

I accept that spontaneous combustion, alien abduction, tornadoes, lightning strikes, mad axe murderers and tidal waves are all likely risks that need to be guarded against, but what else? Oh, and I suppose a jumbo jet could crash onto the house.....

Bunbaker · 07/01/2012 09:55

In my case I simply wouldn't feel comfortable leaving an 8 year old and a 6 year old alone in the house. This is based on my experience of when DD was 8 and would have freaked out if I had left her on her own to go out in the car somewhere. That's all it boils down to. We all have our own comfort zones and I resent being called judgy because I wouldn't have left my own daughter alone at that age.

lucky4 · 07/01/2012 09:57

Either way whether its a 4 or 6 year old is by the by why is the responsibility being put on an 8 year old CHILDS shoulders..it is not ok to ever leave a child alone of that age

WidowWadman · 07/01/2012 09:58

So they opened the door to someone they know - that's not that irresponsible.