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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be 'judgy' over my friend leaving her 8 & 6 year old home alone for 10 mins?

283 replies

nevermore · 06/01/2012 15:52

Popped round to see a friend the other night and her two boys answered the door saying both parents had popped out. Was rather shocked since they are 8 & 6. OK it was a short time and only a few streets away but they went by car (therefore risk of being involved in crash) and it was late evening. I told her I was shocked and thought that if police had called they could have been in trouble. More worrying though to me is fire etc. Am I being a smug suburban mother (am certainly not perfect) but I find this quite shocking & suspect we may fall out a bit over it.

OP posts:
Original poster
nevermore · 06/01/2012 16:09

OK OK!!!! Realise I've been OTT and have just text her to say it's none of mine! Cheers.

OP posts:
D0oinMeCleanin · 06/01/2012 16:09

We don't own any matches. Dd1 would not play with them anyway. She knows all the horror stories.

Lueji · 06/01/2012 16:09

How little were they, loosyloo?
Were they aware of what to do if there was a fire?

What if they played with matches while their mother was asleep?

Pagwatch · 06/01/2012 16:12

nevermore
Aibu does not work like that. Plus people don't read the thread.
You have no control over the beast Grin
People won't go away just because you want them to stop. Poor you

IndigoBell · 06/01/2012 16:15

YABU. They are and were fine.

perceptionreality · 06/01/2012 16:16

'No control over the beast' is certainly a good way to describe AIBU!

Original poster
nevermore · 06/01/2012 16:16

Can always turn off I guess! I realise I've been a bit mad about it so hands up that's all!

OP posts:
sleepsforwimps2010 · 06/01/2012 16:17

not ok! if they were so 'sensible' why did they open the door?
parents went in the car so how hard would have been to bundle the kids in the back seat and take them..... they were only ten mins after all.

the whole car crash thing is rubbish otherwise we would all be walking our kids the 5 miles to school because its safer.

D0oinMeCleanin · 06/01/2012 16:19

I'm more shocked at the fact your friends chose to drive 'just a few streets away'. That would be worth falling out over Wink

StrandedBear · 06/01/2012 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/01/2012 16:28

... some parents are 'absent' whilst they are online, I guess... better not to judge, or you'll be judged too.

annh · 06/01/2012 16:31

Haven't read every post but I am shocked that they left two children of 8 and 6 at home. Was the 8-year old supposed to be looking after the younger one? My two are now 13 and 10 and I wouldn't have left them at that age, even though both have always been sensible. I would almost be happier leaving one on their own than the combination of two. It also doesn't seem as if there was any reason to leave the children at home, it obviously wasn't late, they weren't ill/asleep, why could they not have gone with the parents?

Even now, if I leave the 10 year old on his own for a bit I tell him not to answer the door, only the phone. I think that's the worst bit about this scenario, I don't exactly feel the kids might have been kidnapped from their doorstep or anything but I also don't think that any random person offering to concrete your driveway or replace the loose tiles on your roof should be aware that such young children are home alone?

RainboweBrite · 06/01/2012 16:33

I am glad you realise YABU, but you might want to mention to your pal that the kids opened the door, especially as it was at night. I left my DS (who is 9) home alone a few days before Christmas and I impressed on him not to open the door even if the postman came with parcels!

OhDeeeeeryMe · 06/01/2012 16:51

yabu Your friend knows her kids better than anyone else, however, it is worrying that they opened the door perhaps you could suggest to your friend that she advise her children of the dangers of opening the door to people when they are alone in the house!

Bumblequeen · 06/01/2012 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

OhDeeeeeryMe · 06/01/2012 16:52

ooops maybe I should read the whole thread before I post Blush

EdithWeston · 06/01/2012 16:58

Actually, I don't think you were BU to be concerned, and I'd have wanted to find out if it was a literal 10 minutes (which is probably OK) or a metaphorical 10 minutes, which could mean anything (and therefore possibly concerning).

For example, I'd leave mine to pop to the corner shop at the end of the street (literal 5 minutes) but not to go to the Sainsburys Local (metaphorical 10 minutes, but actually could be much longer).

I'd also be concerned about them opening the door to anyone, and would definitely want to know if that had happened. Because if they weren't following the rules about what is and is not allowed during a brief absence, then I'd be doing a major rethink about what I would be trusting them with, and what they'd need to be doing to re-demonstrate trustworthiness and the privileges that go with it.

imoanruby · 06/01/2012 17:05

My dds are almost 9 and 6 but i wouldn't leave them in the house alone, although it seems i might be in the minority?! My eldest is an angel and so sensible but i would still be too worried to leave them - maybe i'm a bit over protective? Like others have said i would have thought that if they'd left them they would have at least told them not to answer the door to anyone, that's very worrying. But i think what other people decide to do with their children is no-one elses business.

bunnyspoiler · 06/01/2012 17:22

Bloody hell, at 8 I was out on my bike all day. How times have changed.

valiumredhead · 06/01/2012 17:25

TBH I think there are more dangers in the home than out playing on your bike.

Ds has been walking 20 mins to school since he was 9 but I have only just felt easy about leaving him for more than 10 mins at a time - he's 10 now,

bunnyspoiler · 06/01/2012 17:28

what do you imagine a 10 year old is going to do in your home to endanger themselves?

annh · 06/01/2012 17:38

I don't imagine my 10 year old would do anything to endanger himself in his own home but I would not want to leave him in the house with a younger sibling either. In this case the children are only 8 and 6. I think it is more the combination of leaving both together that I would worry about, if the younger one wound up the older one and they got into a squabble for instance, rather than any doomsday scenarios about the house going on fire etc.

Pagwatch · 06/01/2012 17:53

But it does depend on the child and your circumstances.

An eight year old child who can call you and is sensible and watching a DVD on the sofa with a sibling may be less likely to have a problem that a twelve year old who is impetuous and wants to build something and doesn't get on with their younger sibling.

What one parent does with their child bears very little relation to what another does. My 18 year old son has peers who I wouldn't leave alone in charge of my dog. They are all different.

If you think your child isn't trustworthy or able perhaps they just aren't ready. That doesn't mean mine isn't. And neither is better - just different.

OriginalJamie · 06/01/2012 17:59

I would think that the 8 year old isn't yet sensible enough to be left in charge if he or she opened the door.

Sparklingbrook · 06/01/2012 18:06

I know people who let their children walk home from school but don't let them have a key to get in. I would rather they were in the house.

My two lock me out (9 and 12) and let me back in. No answering the door or the landline. Keep their mobiles on. Smile

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