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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be 'judgy' over my friend leaving her 8 & 6 year old home alone for 10 mins?

283 replies

nevermore · 06/01/2012 15:52

Popped round to see a friend the other night and her two boys answered the door saying both parents had popped out. Was rather shocked since they are 8 & 6. OK it was a short time and only a few streets away but they went by car (therefore risk of being involved in crash) and it was late evening. I told her I was shocked and thought that if police had called they could have been in trouble. More worrying though to me is fire etc. Am I being a smug suburban mother (am certainly not perfect) but I find this quite shocking & suspect we may fall out a bit over it.

OP posts:
CrispLeCrisp · 06/01/2012 15:54

If it were a sensible 8yr old and they knew who to contact and how if they wew worried then I think I would be fine with it.

D0oinMeCleanin · 06/01/2012 15:56

Meh! I leave mine (very sensible 8 and not so sensible 4) while I nip to the shops. I would never leave dd2 without dd1. Dd1 is fine on her own for upto 15 minutes. If there is a fire she can dial 999 and run to the neighbours. I don't see why the house is more likely to catch fire when I am not there Confused

I don't drive so there is no risk of an RTA but if your friend and her DH were, god forbid, involved in a terrible accident, surely it would be better if the dc were not in the car at the time?

Atropos · 06/01/2012 15:57

It wasn't a big deal when I was young ? although we were always told not to answer the door if someone rang the bell. There is no age legally specified for when it is okay to leave a child alone in a house. This is probably right as children mature at quite different rates.

Methe · 06/01/2012 15:57

Well I wouldn't do it personally but 8 and 6 is completely different for 2 and 4 and it it was genuinely just for 10 minutes it's not worth losing sleep over or falling out with a friend.

I have a 7 year old and although I wouldn't ever do it I can imagine ger being perfectly capable on her own for 10 minutes.

redwineformethanks · 06/01/2012 15:57

I'm with you, OP. No way I would leave such young children alone in a house. Even if you walk to the shops, you could be run over. I think the fact they were in a car is a red herring.

AgentProvocateur · 06/01/2012 15:57

Couldn't get too fussed about this either if it was a short time and the 8 year old was sensible.

OrmIrian · 06/01/2012 15:57

Yes yabu to be prepared to fall out with her over it.

Let's be charitable and assume she knows how sensible and capapble her own 8 yr old is Hmm.

Original poster
nevermore · 06/01/2012 15:58

OK thanks guys I guess I'm being oversensitive and will keep shtum about my opinions.

OP posts:
Doyouthinktheysaurus · 06/01/2012 15:59

YABU

It's her choice to make and really is nothing to do with you.

I knave left ds1 and ds2 (9 and 7) for short periods, nothing has happened! Ds1 is very trustworthy and has been left since he was 8 and a half while I collected ds2.

Ds2 I wouldn't leave alone but I am happy to leave them together for 10 mins while I nip to the shops. Ok, that's walking, not driving but each to our own.

I'm a firm believer in gradual increase of independence starting at an age appropriate to the individual child.

RhondaRoo · 06/01/2012 16:00

I leave DD, 8, for up to 10 mins while I go to the shop (at back of our house). She has the house phone placed next to her and my mobile is on speed dial (she knows how to use it).

NOt something I make a habit of doing, have done it on occasion though.

Pagwatch · 06/01/2012 16:00

She is probably not a great friend if you are prepared to fall out with her over her parenting choices - especially as it seems to arise from your view that you must be right and she must be wrong.

I don't think her choice is unreasonable if the 8 year old is reasonably sensible and it is a short time.

Witchofthenorth · 06/01/2012 16:00

Yanu....no big deal if the kids are sensible. I leave my 8 and 7 yr old. I wouldn't fall out with your friend over it though.

WorraLiberty · 06/01/2012 16:00

The only thing that bothers me about it is they answered the door.

YuleingFanjo · 06/01/2012 16:00

to be fair, if they had taken the kids they could have also have been at risk of being in a car crash!

D0oinMeCleanin · 06/01/2012 16:01

If I am ever run over I would prefer my children to be sat watching Cartoonito, blissfully unaware, as opposed to being in the line of traffic with me, thanks all the same, or even just bearing witness to it. They have access to neighbours and know how to use telehones if I don't return.

I don't get the 'but what if a terrible accident befalls you while you are out' argument, really, I don't. It would be better for the children not to be involved in the accident, no?

8 is a fine age to leave a sensible child at home for a sort time, imo.

valiumredhead · 06/01/2012 16:01

Hmmmm I have more of a problem that they opened the door to be honest, I tell ds he is not to open the door to anyone win I am out, he is 10.

I think it's a little on the young side for the 6 year old but I am not clutching my pearls in horror iykwim?

valiumredhead · 06/01/2012 16:02

when

TimothyClaypoleLover · 06/01/2012 16:02

OP, where had the parents popped out to? And why did they both have to go?

Personally I don't think I would leave two children of 8 and 6 (mine is 20 months and I have one on the way so no experience of older children to know for definite what I would do) but can understand there might be certain circumstances that required it and also if the 8 year old is very responsible.

YABU to fall out with her over this as all parents do things differently.

fatlazymummy · 06/01/2012 16:03

Do people really think 'I might be run over' or 'I might be in a car accident' every time they leave the house? I certainly don't.
So yes, you're probably being a touch unreasonable, or overcautious. And I would leave your friend to make decisions concerning her own children without interefering.

Lueji · 06/01/2012 16:04

The main risk for me is that they opened the door.

If they were not asleep I don't see that fire was a huge risk, particularly if they are reliable children.

Personally, if there were too parents at home, I would have preferred one to stay at home, but I don't find it so shocking.

Mollydoggerson · 06/01/2012 16:05

My husband and I drive to work together while kids are at creche, tbh I think the what if they had an accident line of thought it bonkers. We can't all live our lives being in constant fear of rta's. It's not healthy. If they had walked they could have been hit by a bus.

I'm not sure if I would do it or not, but I don't think it's your place to comment. If you friend is at ease with it and the children are well looked after then I think you interfering a little.

Lueji · 06/01/2012 16:05

and I agree that they might have been safer at home than in the car. :)

loosyloo · 06/01/2012 16:06

I don't see why the house is more likely to catch fire when I am not there

dont you? two little kids in our area played with matches while their mum popped out - they are no longer with us :(

D0oinMeCleanin · 06/01/2012 16:08

I won't leave the house if they are sleeping, in case they wake up and get scared that I am not there, the risk of fire does not occur to me. Since both two smallish fires we have had were caused by me I think my children are possibly safer with me not there Grin

They both know not to open the door. Dd1 locks the door after I leave and lets me back in when I get back.

Pagwatch · 06/01/2012 16:08

You cannot parent based upon the very worst that might happen. Unless you never want your children to grow up.

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