I was pretty sure I was not being unreasonable but now having spoken to 2 close friends who say I am - I'm now trying to wriggle off the hook by going for an appeal with the MN jury! nc in case they recognise me now!
Been seeing someone for almost 6 months now,early days, we're not living togther). We've had a couple of conversations about porn, lapdancing clubs, etc. we both work in an industry where it is still common for the men to take male clients out to Spearmint Rhino etc so in the context of that awful german news story we were both saying we wished they would clamp down on at that at work because removal of corp cc's has not done to much.
Anyway, he knows my views (ex porn user, read too much and learnt too much about the industry to continue wanking away to other people's misery etc) - I know his (he uses porn, I have no idea what, I have no interest in trying to lay down ultimatums, that's his choice just as I have mine,I don't think I'm anything fantastic but having used porn myself I know it doesn't have to be about betrayal and doesn't make me feel insecure so I treat it same as if one of my friends wasn't vegetarian and I was - choice of ethics)
Right so all that being said, am boxing up DVDs to donate to charity shop and he's laughing saying I'm trying to hide my porn stash from him (stupid joke, was just being silly). And I say oh I got rid of all that ages ago, he says well what do you use now? I say my imagination and my memories I suppose. So then he starts quizzing me on memories, what do I mean memories, and I said just that, you know great sex you've had in the past.
So then I can see he's getting huffy - and basically argument evolves he wants me to stop using memories of great sex I've had because this is a betrayal and means I am thinking about having sex with other people (even if i never intend on having sex with any of them EVER again!). His view is that porn is anonymous (he doesn't have any favourite pornstars apparently - he just looks for latest photos/movie clips on websites) and therefore it is obvious it is not a betrayal but that I am directly comparing him to other men I have actually had sex with in my head. I said there's no comparing, its just remembering but no, major sulk, why can't I use porn like I used to? (not as if that's going to delete my memories but by then i couldn't really point that out because not helpful).
so my thinking is that he's a great big twat who wants to attempt to police my thoughts (and my wanking habits) in a way in which I don't want to do to him despite my own objections to porn. He huffed off (didnt stay over as planned) and no contact today.
Met friends for lunch and had a moan/vent and apparently i AM the unreasonable one in all of this because I have hurt his ego apparently. WTAF? Am I REALLY the unreasonable one in all of this? I just can't see it.
(ps. You know I'm going to be the kind of OP that clings desperately to the one person who says IANBU don't you!)