To have been such a jealous over reacting cow :( Should I say sorry???

[SearchSquad]

Went to spend the New Year at a lovely cottage with two other families. Our DCs are the same age and we are close friends. All was well, barring minor irritants when I felt that the others were not pulling their weight and I was left with the majority of cooking and cleaning. I did not mind this too much as I am quite happy in the kitchen.

Then the other two wives went out for a looooong walk on the 31'st evening without informing me or inviting me. I waited for them to come back and say something to me. But they just came back in, put on some really loud music and started dancing without acknowledging me in anyway.

At that instant I was consumed with such red rage (PMS ???) that I went upstairs and started packing up. I told my DH to inform the others that we were leaving due to some personal work. I was sure that if I stayed any longer I was going to scream at someone or start crying.

Then everyone came to our room and kept asking what the matter was. Finally, I told them that I was feeling left out and wasn't enjoying the break any more. The women said that while they understand my anger, they had just stepped outside for some fresh air and hadn't meant to be away for so long.

We stayed back but I spent most part of the evening sulking. In the morning every one behaved like nothing had happened the night before, were quite considerate and we went on to have two good days with each other.

Now that I have come back I am trying to analyse. Was my reaction unreasonable? Should I now say sorry for my massive over reaction? Or should I just try to forget this episode and try to make up by inviting them over for dinner etc.? These are our closest family friends!

Please please, please do respond as I am going bonkers right now. DH is asking me to let it go but I spent last night awake and sobbing :(

Hmmm, it's probably not the best comment ever to make, but perhaps the friend was nervous and it was a bad attempt at making a joke? It wouldn't necessarily mean that she had horrible racist views. We all say and do things that we regret and think "why the fuck did I do that?" once we've done it.

I just feel it seems a little harsh to ditch a friend over one comment made.

Hully.

So do you thing there is still bullying in my social group hexagonal?

Or would you be happy for your mates to behave like that?

The OP has said she spent time sulking after the friends had explained what had happened. Bloody brilliant that would be a joy to go away with.
You get talking to your mate, go for a walk and chat and then get sulked at because someone needs to be in the act, you aplogize and she is still raging dispite saying she had two more good days with them!

The Op also says the friends took on board what she said and were quite considerate. She says the following morning they acted as if nothing had happened. Isn't this what most people do once you thought you had cleared the air. Why would anyone drag something on once they thought something was resolved. Surely once you have had a row, say with your DH and you both have said your bit you don't bring it up the following day or a few days later after having two good days out with him? So why would this be different?

I agree with HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer. I think it was very rude for 2 out of 3 friends to go out for hours without asking you. They stayed out for a while and left you out upon their return. YANBU for being upset but you could have dealt with it better - you have said this numerous times.

I agree that a breezy sorry and invite for coffee are in order - with some nice cake.

Gosh, glad I'm not in your group of friends then if you ditch a friend over a comment made in a restaurant

That was one example. The wome in question is sneering to people who she thinks are of lower social status as her and it is awful, patronising to people and embarrasing to witness. The waiter remark was one that broke the camels back. Like I said she was a friend of a friend rather than one of my close friends so she wasn't a loss to me and I am honestly glad she doesn't come out with us any more.

Sorry Hexagonal I have x posteed with a couple of times.
Trying to keep up but my fingers aren't working because I'm soooooo cold!!!

Glad it's not just me with cold fingers! :)

By what you've said now about constant comments and her thinking she's better than others, then yes I'd have definitely dumped that friend too.

Not too sure if I'd dump the friend that had sex with a married man though, not if she was a good friend. I'd probably tell her I didn't approve but it wouldn't be something that would make me totally ditch someone.

I'm not sure why some of you are assuming the OP was in a bad mood? It could be that the women that went off for a walk and didn't invite her are just plain rude.

And LeQueen, regarding "Fancy pulling a stunt like this on NYE", the same could be said about the two friends really. Why should they be able to behave as they did and the OP not be allowed to get upset about it and to basically be accused of causing trouble?

Whoops, 3 posts from me in a row on one thread! Best stop talking to myself and go and cook something for tea!

rude people do that you know, they reduce your concerns to you being 'a bit unreasonable' becuase 'they just stepped out for a bit'

well they didn't did they?

if they did just step out for a short amount of time - which they didn't - they wre still rude - so how is this an excuse?

they said nothing the rest of the time becuase they were trying to make it your fault - like some hysterical little girl.

well i tell you right now - they were fuckers. fuck them for making you cry

they aren't friends becuase freinds dont do that

maybe im just choosey about friends?

Quite, Custy.

Custy sums it up - fuck them for making you cry. Spot on.

This sort of exclusionary behaviour is understandable in teenage girls, not so much in adult women.

I think there are a few issues here:

You don't seem to expect the men to do any housework or cooking. That is just ridiculous and you need to address that if that's how it always is in your house.

How close are you to these people? Because any of my friends would feel comfortable calling me on being lazy and likewise, if I felt I was doing all the work, I'd tell them to come and help me. If you don't feel you can do that, it doesn't sound like a very close friendship.

Sometimes when people are acting a bit sulky in the kitchen, and you're not too close to them, it's easier to just leave them to stew. Not the nicest thing in the world, but if you wanted to dance with them, why didn't you? Maybe they thought you wanted to be alone.

Going out for hours without you? I dunno, to me that just wouldn't be a big issue and I'd just ask where they'd been. Maybe I'd be a little miffed, but equally, they could have just got carried away talking.

Sulking after they apologised is silly. You either forgave them or you didn't and playing mind games is just immature.

OP, I'm not trying to be horrible. But I really think that if this kind of thing is happening to you regularly you need to look at your self esteem and your relationship with your partner.

I can't believe you didn't even apologize for your childish reaction. No wonder you are thinking and analyzing about the whole thing.

YABU and should have apologized immediately and moved on from there.

hexagon she was part of the gang but not my closest friend.

It's complicated but we didn't want to get dragged into a load of deceipt and lies. I would have turned a blind eye because she wasn't my mate, don't know their situation etc etc but she was trying to get me, my mate (her close friend and another ) to delibratly lie to her DH (I don't even know him, never met him or anything!!!)

Anyway I don't miss her and the rest of the group ( between 10 and 12 of us although we don't all go away at the same time ssome mates bring new people to the group) are jogging along quite nicely and looking forward to our week in Scotland very soon!!!

I agree that they aren´t friends & they don´t deserve an apology.

Those of you that think the OP was childish and in the wrong, what "should" she have done given that these so-called friends upset her so much?

Upahill, I was chatting with the men at the dining table while the DCs were eating tea. They came in laughing through the front door and walked past us and went to the sitting room. And the music and dance started.

Anyways, I have uploaded the photos on the net and sent them all links with the message "Here are the photos of our beautiful cottage. Hope you all had a lovely time and nobody's got the wrong end of the stick. DS really misses

But sometimes friends can upset you, unintentionally.

The OP doesn't say they have form for this, so even if they were rude, they probably didn't mean to be.

She has the right to be upset, even to cry, but for me it's a bit OTT to drag your partner upstairs and insist on leaving right that second, then sulking all night even after the friends have apologised.

I think it's completely understandable and the OP shouldn't feel too bad about it at all, but she admits she overreacted and therefore I think it can't hurt to send off a quick sorry. Not like falling on your knees mea culpa, just, you know, sorry about that.

oh fuck it

kill them

well done search

exactly what i would have done

been nice to their face then completely cut them off - seriously -thats what i would have done