my bfs other baby mommy

[Nicc21]

Please does it make me a bad person because i dont want mine and my boyfriends hard earned money to go to a woman that has kids for fun and borderline neglects her children???

AF perhaps a little baptism by fire but some helpful guidance too shall we say, - I think they've all buggered off to bed anyway and I'm no use to anyone....

I don't have personal experience of being single parent,but my DB had gone through hell divorce and no matter how both of them tried to protect DN from all the conflict,he was the one in the middle. My heart was breaking at the time...So that's why ,as i said earlier on.. Your boyfriend has to be there for his DC,not only emotionally -he should be number 1 to him,before you-but make sure that financial part is settled too. He should give even more than what he is maybe told to pay if he can,it's his son...IT'S HIS SON-can't stress this enough His ex is there (don't get the ss side of it-what is wrong??????)-but if i take that out, to take care about boys whole well being......so for you to indicate boy shouldn't get money it's just plai and simple =====wrong==== for the boy...

you don't judge others ?

ho- kaaaay

and i dont think anyone would understand this situation unless they have been in it thmselves just like i wouldnt understand any of your situations and i wouldnt understand how it is to be a single mum but i was brought up by a single mum so i have some idea

We are judging you, because
1/ you are saying that you dont want DP to pay for his own child.
2/ You are judging the mother for her promiscuous behaviour, which is none of your business.
3/ You have blatant double standards re your DPs promiscuous behaviour.

So why havent you commented on the advice (including a website link I posted) regarding applying for custody?

OP I stumbled upon MN a few years back purely looking for step parenting advice and after a rocky start I did get loads of support and valuable guidance, - have a chat on the step parenting board maybe tomorrow.

I'm afraid there is a lot of suck it up and grip getting to this lark.

You asked a question on open forum. People will express themselves. You might not like some posts,but that's how it is. For some people this particular subject is VERY sensitive,many people were hurt in the past or currently their own kids are going through difficult time cause their fathers OW has got her own strong opinion....

were you really this bad, wormy ?

I should add that I am also a step parent so I know how this goes.

Yes people are being harsh, but think of it as "tough love" or "Cruel to be kind", the earlier you learn about what being a step parent is really about, the better for all of you.

ALWAYS remember,his child is his business and should be his number one priority. Don't try to take that away frm the little boy...

OP - the baby is your boyfriend's child. He had unprotected sex with the child's mother and has to take the consequences - as he is doing so he sounds like a decent bloke. Presumably it was more than a one night stand otherwise she wouldn't have had his details to contact him for money, birth certificate, etc.

I appreciate you are concerned about the boy's welfare but if that is the case presumably he needs to spend more time with you and his father and you may need to consider seeking full time custody with visitation rights for the mother if the concerns are serious enough to contemplate involving social services.

What you cannot do is complain that your bf is paying £200 towards the upkeep of his child.

Mine are rather older but I don't think £200pcm nowadays covers the cost of food, clothes, toys and the odd outing.

It costs me £50pw for school dinners and travel to and from school for each child.

Good Lord, I'm not too up on this sort of lifestyle and wouldn't usually post here but really can you not sit yourself down with a cup of tea and quietly reflect about your situation and the way in which this poor little boy is living.

No AF I dont think I was, but I was already a few years in and at the end of my rope, couldn't do right for doing wrong, sort of thing. I do remember in the early years thinking very bad things about the exW though . It's all turning out pretty good now - DSS 18 turned into a jolly decent chap and DSS 16 is working on it

All in all I think we've find done a pretty good job.

I am sure you have, wormy

This is the first thread I have ever seen, where I have to had to physically restrain myself from typing something that I know will end up being deleted! And I REALLY want to!

never ever ever ever post in AIBU as a Step Parent - in fact unless you want everything you say twisted stick to Step Parenting.

I'll catch up with you on there tomorrow, yes he needs to pay maintenance - but you know that already - you are just venting your frustration in the wrong forum.

You are having him 2 over nights a week? And I assume paying for everything he needs for that time??

You are right - the chances of you getting residency are slim, and the Financial cost of the fight could cripple you, is there any chance you could have the little boy more often?

Cat, do it if it makes you feel better

the world won't stop turning

It would be really BAD!

well, far be it from me to incite a bit of swearing...

oooh does being 'investigated by social services' make a person automatically guilty of something?
If your partner has concerns about her ability to cope, how on earth would cutting her money supplies help?
Surely more support should be offered on behalf of the child, like helping care for him more often?
If he had joint custody perhaps maintenaince wouldn't be so high, because then she wouldn't have every demand on earth put on her shoulders (for his child).

alternatively, cat, put the kekkle on for your hot water bottle and retire to your bed at ease that you kept the higher ground

and this isn't a real person, so don't worry too much about it

I am also thinking....."if it makes you feel better" :o

AF I was worse - I nearly had a complete breakdown with the stress of it all - online - for everyone to read.

I used to feel physically sick for days in the lead up to another weekend with dsd and I used to post it.

We have an excellent relationship now - she spent most of the weekend in my company and as I have the week off is coming up to see me (dh working) - when we dropped her off today she left me a text to day she loves me.

But those first years - god they were hard, so, so, so, so hard all the while putting on a smiley happy face for the DSCs.

I have no doubt the OP loves the little boy - and that money isn't really the issue.

oooh does being 'investigated by social services' make a person automatically guilty of something?

Of course not, but children dont get put on the "at risk" register for nothing.

And being on the "at risk" register still doesnt make it likely the dad would get custody.