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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my bfs other baby mommy

282 replies

Nicc21 · 02/01/2012 23:57

Please does it make me a bad person because i dont want mine and my boyfriends hard earned money to go to a woman that has kids for fun and borderline neglects her children???

OP posts:
CatPussRoastingByAnOpenFire · 03/01/2012 00:13

Its none of your business how many kids she has with other men. It doesnt make any of them any less deserving!

OffDownTheGardenToEatWorms · 03/01/2012 00:14

Ok, I need more details to comment on this, - when you say she has kids for fun & money, what makes you think that? What do you really know of how she treats her children? How old are they? How long were she and your DP together? What income does she have?

At the moment you are coming across as most unreasonable, so I'd be interested to know a little more...

Original poster
Nicc21 · 03/01/2012 00:14

He does feel wanted, he knows we love him and when hes not here we both miss him like crazy so does my daughter, i would give this woman anything she wanted if i thought it would make a difference to his life but i really believe it wouldnt...and shes being investigated by the social services

OP posts:
QueeferSantaland · 03/01/2012 00:15

So he's had 2 children by two different men?

Why is that ok for him but not for her.

Go through the csa.
Get a grip.

CatPussRoastingByAnOpenFire · 03/01/2012 00:15

You dont treat him like your own daughter though do you? You resent his existence. A child senses things like that. Believe me!

Bogeyface · 03/01/2012 00:16

Incidentally, on MN there are a very high proportion of members who are or have been, single mums. And a high proportion of those (myself included) have been stiffed by deadbeat exes who think that paying for a child they fathered is not something they should do. I for one am owed thousands by an ex who has 4 kids with his new wife and refuses to pay a penny for his (and my) eldest child.

So if you are looking for sympathy I am afraid you in the wrong place.

Bogeyface · 03/01/2012 00:17

So he's had 2 children by two different men?

He should sell that story Queefer then the money worries would be over Wink :o

CatPussRoastingByAnOpenFire · 03/01/2012 00:18

As my stepmother found out, what goes around, comes around. Lets hope his next girlfriend isnt as pleasant as you.

Lueji · 03/01/2012 00:20

Your bf could always ask for custody. Then she would have to pay him.

QueeferSantaland · 03/01/2012 00:20
Grin

Oops, it's late. You know what I mean.Wink

Bogeyface · 03/01/2012 00:20

:o

Original poster
Nicc21 · 03/01/2012 00:21

Its her attitude towards her children and the way she has no shame in having abortions when she goes to blackpool and gets pregnant from a one night stands. I know we all make mistakes i certainly have but when i had my daughter i knew i needed to grow up and take responsibility. I dont see her at home with her children but i see the way my bfs son arrives at our house and the constant phone calls from social workers asking questions about him. They werent officially a couple i think it was just sex but im not sure. She is on benefits.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 03/01/2012 00:22

Lueji makes a good point.

If he applies for full residence then the neglect and the money issues would disappear. Would that be an option?

If she is being investigated by SS then I am sure he would be looked on favourably by the courts.

CatPussRoastingByAnOpenFire · 03/01/2012 00:23

WTF does anything that the mother does, have to do with whether or not the father faces up to his responsibilities like a man or not? This is a child, FFS!

Bogeyface · 03/01/2012 00:23

i think it was just sex

So your DP is as bad as her then? I really am at a loss why you are not pissed off with him for him being one of her one night stands but you will happily slag her off for doing it!

Original poster
Nicc21 · 03/01/2012 00:24

I am not looking for sympathy i am looking for advice, i dont know how to deal with this situation and how to support my boyfriend becuase i never know what to say or what to do at the moment i stay completely out of it

OP posts:
EnjoyResponsibly · 03/01/2012 00:24

"I treat him like my own daughter"

But you don't do you? You resent that his father supports him. Which is what his father should do.

YABsuperU

CatPussRoastingByAnOpenFire · 03/01/2012 00:24
lisaro · 03/01/2012 00:24

So it's ok for him to put it about indiscriminately, but not her? Sounds like you've got yourself a catch, there. Actually, you seem a perfect couple.

EnjoyResponsibly · 03/01/2012 00:25

X post with cat

Bogeyface · 03/01/2012 00:26

OP, heres a different perspective.

By kicking off and trying to stop him paying financially towards his childs upbringing you are telling him that you are ok with that. That you do not expect a father to contribute to a child he is not living with.

So, if the worst happens and you split up, he knows that he wont have to pay you a penny for your DD because you have already made it clear that you wont expect him to.

Does that change your view point at all?

hester · 03/01/2012 00:26

What sort of advice do you want, OP? Your opening post suggested you didn't want to pay child support - which is definitely unreasonable, because however awful the mother that doesn't alter your dp's responsibility to his child.

Now you seem to suggest that you are concerned for the child's welfare, in which case let's talk about that and not mix it up with financial support.

OffDownTheGardenToEatWorms · 03/01/2012 00:27

I'm completely missing what catpuss just said Confused

OP. it's not really right that you don't know whether it was a one night stand or a relationship

Bottom line is however £200 a month isn't a lot for a child is it?

Explore your DP taking full custody if you both really believe the child is neglected.

CatPussRoastingByAnOpenFire · 03/01/2012 00:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

OffDownTheGardenToEatWorms · 03/01/2012 00:28

Sorry x post re catpuss by miles..

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