my bfs other baby mommy

[Nicc21]

Please does it make me a bad person because i dont want mine and my boyfriends hard earned money to go to a woman that has kids for fun and borderline neglects her children???

What happened between them two happened before he met me and its not about how her children were concieved its about the way she treats my boyfriends son and the fact that she has children that are on the at risk list but she continues to have them. My boyfriend has told them we want custody but they have to have a solid reason to remove him from his mum which i understand she is his mum no matter how much it means to her i know that

OP if you want advice, you need to clearly describe the key concerns you have regarding the situation, without clouding the issue with your opinions.

Well, it sounds as though there is a chance you might end up getting custody. If you don't want to jeopardise that, don't withdraw financial support - social services would take a dim view of that.

Have social services talked to your dp about his views of the situation? If they are investigating her parenting, it would seem likely that they would. Or he/you could contact them to tell them your concerns. You probably need something more concrete and clearly damaging than her having abortions in Blackpool, though.

So which is it?? Do you stay out of it or treat him like a son??
If either of you cared enough and if she is as bad as you say she is, and SS stuff is true, you wouldn't leave him there!

Yes SS need solid reason to remove him BUT he doesn't need a reason to apply for custody of him!

they have to have a solid reason to remove him from his mum

I think you are confusing SS removing the child from her care due to neglect etc, and a childs father applying for residency which is a totally different thing.

Regarding that I would suggest you get legal advice as you are not being advised correctly at the moment.

OP

Whether you approve of her lifestyle or not, the child has to be supported.

If you think the child is actually neglected then contact SS

£200 a month is bugger all, and about right under CSA guidelines for even quite a low income.

Tough shit, I'm afraid.

How you 'deal' with it is by accepting it, and while you're at it stop judging her choices too. Sheesh.

Jeremy Kyle gives good advice in exchange for car crash situations like this. I believe he even has a website.

What could we do? My boyfriend has already said to her that if he doesnt see his money being spent on his son then he will report her to social services but that was 3 month ago and there are no changes. He is paying her whatever she asks of him becuase he knows if he doesnt he wont see his son.

Are you not reading people's replies??

Op ss would have no real say in your dp applying through the courts for a residancy order, they may have involvemt as in writting a report but its not their call it will be through a family solictor and a judge in court.

What you can do is seek legal advice about getting custody.

that has been said several times by several posters, or are you ignoring that because you dont actually want to do it?

Your BF should and MUST support his DC as much as he can ,emotionally,materially...His DC is his and other woman business. Yes,you can feel sorry if you think there is something really wrong,but by saying that,your encouragement and support of your BF to see his DC as much as he can and help him financially ,it's the best what you can do in my opinion.

I treat him like a son when he is here with us but when he is at his mums non of us speak to him and i dont get involved in there conversations regarding money etc. and i dont go along to drop his son off or i wait around the corner

You cannot control or change her lifestyle - but If you have genuine concerns about any of the children the speak to the authorities as others have said.

Be prepared to care for the child full time.

He's not paying a huge lump if maintenance.

To a certain extent you do have to accept the situation.

And if money for legal advice is an issue contact families need fathers here as they can help and advise.

What does he want her to do..produce receipts or something?

How can he 'see' money being spent on his son?

Can you see gas, electric, water rates etc being paid every time you look at a child?

He can go without his dinner Worra, as long as he is wearing £200 worth of clothes!

Worra - you just beat me to it!

ss would also not get involved only in your financial arrangemnts. Is she clothing and feeding him heating her house, have running water? it would be very difficult to prove his contribution is not going towards her sons needs.

And you Bogey, both of you put exactly what I was going to put.

x post worra

Im not sure that she needs to provide 'proof'! If she is on benefits, the money could well be eaten up by essentials, like food and heating. £50 a week is nothing! Just because you dont see new clothes, doesnt mean he isnt getting the benefit. As I have said before, if Dad isnt happy with what he is paying, then apply to the C.S.A!Iim surprised that given the circumstances, this isnt already in place?!