to wonder if all first time new mums find it hard at some point to some degree?

[Ohnoredundo]

Was having a discussion my cousin the other day (no children). Her best friend has recently had a baby (4 months ago) and I asked how she was finding it. "Great!" she said. "She thinks having a baby is easy and wants another soon." "Oh," replied slightly miffed and a bit jealous. I didn't know which way was up for the first few months of DC's life, but even so...to say it's easy? Really? I said that I thought all new mums find it challenging at some points, and promptly got my head bitten off: "Not everyone finds it as hard as you have...". Ooof. So is it just me? Or are there people who did find becoming a mum for the first time easy?

exactly! I went to a coffee shop with DS and my NCT pals every single day of mat leave. He bf and later on I packed him a banana. WWIII?? What on earth? And not having time for a wee???

implying that becayse I had time for a wee and to put a bit of make up on I was therefore neglecting my son is hugely insulting.

I work with kids for years, have my own and always have been round kids I dont ever think its as you described peoples princess thank god!

So it's pure co-incidence that the only toddlers/babies in the UK that won't/don't sit still in cafes just so happen to belong to me and my friends and familiy?

OK, that's fine. I'm perfectly comfortable with that explanation and I don't thin;k you're lying whatsoever Molly.

I was more thinking of the attempting to kick pensioners an threatening to piss on floor lol! Of course kids dont sit still sometimes but I literally dread the day I have to stop having kids and I wont have one not at school.

I thought it was the easiest thing in the world. Baby sleeps most of the time, wakes eats and before you can do anything else has gone back to sleep

What is hard about that.

I think the ww3 conditions only occur if your unrealistic in what you expect to be able to do!

And if you let you child behave in the ways described by people's princess!

Absolutely yes!!!

Also I had dd when I was 34 after ttc for a year. So, I was over the moon to have her - I should think that makes a difference.

Didn't miss moving on from going out to parties - was ecstatic to swap that for picnic lunches on Clapham Common with my new Mummy friends and their little 'uns !

Top tip - have your dc1 in Springtime
And make some new friends during your pregnancy !

There are so many variables it's frankly ludicrous to compare. I found my first newborn was ok - but went beserk about baby-led weaning and found that extremely stressful - I was going to sainsbury's every day at one point. The whole experience involves learning on the job - some bits you find easier than others, and the learning DOESN'T STOP. I had my second baby five months ago and not only is she different to my first, but I've also had to learn how to be mum to a baby and a newly insecure and scared toddler. And parents of teenagers - how do they do it?

You will also start to detect a lot of bullsht about sleeping, feeding etc, not to mention boasting about infantile accomplishments. Age of walking is a particular favourite with a lot of parents. Practice a serene expression in the mirror at night and remember that the 8-month ambulants won't be walking any better when they're 21.

You have a right to your feelings - don't let anyone belittle them.

Juggling have you thought about the implications of what you've said? So if you have a difficult time, it might be because you weren't really happy to have your baby? That is offensive, and I really don't think it's true.
Also I do not believe it is the practical side of baby-care alone that causes the problems, it's the emotional impact of having your world turned upside down, your identity via your job completely changed, various things from your own childhood coming up etc.

Juggling have you thought about the implications of what you've said? So if you have a difficult time, it might be because you weren't really happy to have your baby? That is offensive, and I really don't think it's true.
Also I do not believe it is the practical side of baby-care alone that causes the problems, it's the emotional impact of having your world turned upside down, your identity via your job completely changed, various things from your own childhood coming up etc.

I don't think those would be the implications of what I said iggi

• mainly I was saying that 34 was a good age for me to have my first baby. And actually I heard some research that women who had their first at 34 were optimally happy with their life situation.

Juggling, you did say "So, I was over the moon to have her - I should think that makes a difference."
I am 18 weeks pregnant after 4 miscarriages, I will be beyond over the moon if I have this baby, but I really don't believe that will make me immune from upset or difficulty.

Juggling, you did say "So, I was over the moon to have her - I should think that makes a difference."
I am 18 weeks pregnant after 4 miscarriages, I will be beyond over the moon if I have this baby, but I really don't believe that will make me immune from upset or difficulty.

I really don't get that 'identity via your job' thing, iggin - I certainly was never defined by mine, and actually find it a bit sad that people don't have enough of a personality that they have to be defined by what they do for a living.

I also don't think Juggling was being at all offensive, merely saying that she was more likely to be happy to have a planned baby in her mid-thirties, when she was settled, financially better off, with a committed partner, that if she'd accidentally gotten pregnant in her teens, with no father on the scene, struggling financially. I am in a similar position, and that's partly why I've found it so easy. Would not be so easy were I a single, poor your mum.

*young

Having a certain reputation via your role at work, an enjoyment of a job you may have worked hard in to get where you are etc, isn't the same as having no personality outside of your work! I remember never having the foggiest what any of the women at baby groups where on maternity leave from, in fact we were usually defined as "Jack's mum" etc - a new and lovely identity to be sure, but definitely a loss of another one!

Having a certain reputation via your role at work, an enjoyment of a job you may have worked hard in to get where you are etc, isn't the same as having no personality outside of your work! I remember never having the foggiest what any of the women at baby groups where on maternity leave from, in fact we were usually defined as "Jack's mum" etc - a new and lovely identity to be sure, but definitely a loss of another one!

At times I wish that I had 'fall out' moments on film to show DH when he gets home from work, namely me sitting on an [unfortunately] public toilet as have been in desperate need of pooh for several hours, DS sitting on surely pissed-on floor shredding up a what looks like to be a used piece of toilet paper whilst screaming as needing a feed from my leaking bosom. Oh and dealing with extreme PNA (head swimming and questioning reality like a Fench philosopher). Or is that just me...I'm very jealous of those of you who've breezed though it.

I agree its obviously better if planned and really wanted within marriage but that doesnt have to be in your 30s.

Better within marriage, Molly?! That's a whole other thread!