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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not leave him...

197 replies

NewYearNoChange · 30/12/2011 20:45

...even though he punched me in the face earlier this evening?
His is in bed now.
We have DC together.
He is clinically depressed, takes no responsibility for his feelings, says he hates me and is verbally abusive.
I hate him at the moment and am venting on here TBH.
He (strangely) doesn't scare me even though he is a big bloke and aggressive. I think it's because I am numb and he is ill.
I don't know why I am not running as fast as I can?

OP posts:
rhondajean · 30/12/2011 21:58

Are the children there?

Dawndonna · 30/12/2011 21:59

New Year, in which case it's a job he really shouldn't be doing. Please get help.

Original poster
NewYearNoChange · 30/12/2011 22:01

DC are at friend's houses for sleepovers.

OP posts:
ThatVikRinA22 · 30/12/2011 22:01

listen - he has to take responsibility for his own actions. sounds like thats the problem - why are you thinking for him?
if you cant phone police then you must call WA.
he will not loose his job if you call womens aid. its confidential - its advice

why not call them?

you must stop taking responsibility for him. this was his choice to hit you. i have arrested people from all walks of life for DV.
he wont lose his job.
one offence will not cause him al oss of a job - in all likely hood - if you have never had him arrested before - he will get a smack on the wrists - he could end up with a caution. tough bananas. he needs a caution. somewhere along the line he has to see there are consequences to his own behaviour, that are not up to you.

if you cant manage the call to the police then you absolutely must call Womens aid.
if you dont know how to leave they will tell you.
if you honestly want help - then get it.

Dawndonna · 30/12/2011 22:02

In which case you are in the perfect position to get out.

olgaga · 30/12/2011 22:02

OP, agree with the other posters here. You are in danger. Your kids are also potentially in danger. I think you should leave as soon as you can.

Please don't go on excusing this behaviour. It isn't going to change, it'll only get worse.

For you kids' sake, you have to leave this situation.

imoanruby · 30/12/2011 22:03

I hope you're ok...no one can give you the answers or the strength to do what is right, they are both in you, you just have to dig deep to find them, i hope you do x

rhondajean · 30/12/2011 22:04

Good.

You need to get to casualty. Tell them you have been assaulted. You can tell them as much or as little as you want but I think with a real person In Front of you, you can talk now.

Can you call a cab?

They will be in touch with any other service you need. It will also go on your medical records.

Can you do that?

hellhasnofury · 30/12/2011 22:05

NYNC-I'm not sure he's medically fit to be doing his job anyway but that is NOT your fault.

You deserve better you know.

Original poster
NewYearNoChange · 30/12/2011 22:05

Thanks to all, I'm calling WA to talk.

OP posts:
olgaga · 30/12/2011 22:06

The Women's Aid national helpline is 0808 2000 247.
The website is here.

hellhasnofury · 30/12/2011 22:06

That is good and it is a brave step to take. Good luck NYNC, you'll be in my thoughts.

rhondajean · 30/12/2011 22:06

Well done.

ThatVikRinA22 · 30/12/2011 22:07

btw - domestics have to go to CPS, strictly speaking.

they will decide. But it would give you a few hours thinking time - time to be alone - time to get a phone call to WA made.

he will spend a few hours in a cell. he needs it.
if he has been drinking he will be bedded down and dealt with when sober
if he is not drunk he will be dealt with tonight, but will have a few hours to think about and face up to waht he has done.
he will have to sit opposite a police officer in a uniform and explain himself.
he deserves it. he should be called to account.

but if you think that is too hard, too difficult, then at least phone WA.
every time you let him do this and he has no consequences you are giving the wrong message. if he truly ahs autism you are not helping him.
you certianly are not helping yourself and you are not helping your kids....

ThatVikRinA22 · 30/12/2011 22:07

oh x post

well done op. well done.

we'll be here if you need us after.

SiamoNellaMerda · 30/12/2011 22:08

OP he doesn't seem to be spending the same amount of time figuring out YOUR outcomes. Do you really think you owe him anything?

fuzzynavel · 30/12/2011 22:09

Agent - there is a place for my comments and believe it or not it gears people up to do something about their situation. It also gears up others on MN to come to the fore.

fuzzynavel · 30/12/2011 22:12

Well done OP!

FutureNannyOgg · 30/12/2011 22:13

Go. Whatever it takes, whether it means calling the police or packing a bag and going to a friend's place, take this opportunity and just let go.

I have been in an abusive relationship with a depressive, I shouldered his sickness until I was sick myself, it took years of treatment to put me right. It was hard to do, I broke up with him, to his face, then took a month trying to get him the hell out of the house (I moved into the spare room and he camped and festered in the bedroom). You have to be strong, you have to be brutal, this is about your well being and that of your children. The details will sort themselves out. Get yourself safe, now.

MaureenMLove · 30/12/2011 22:13

I don't normally post on these threads, because I have no experience of them, but VicarInaTutu is your angel tonight. Stick with her and you'll be OK.

Lots of luck to you OP. x

thepeoplesprincess · 30/12/2011 22:14

Do you necessarily have to be the one who leaves?

Does he have an understanding father or adult brother or close friend who you can ask to come and remove him from the house?

MaryPoppinsMagic · 30/12/2011 22:15

op you came here for advise but you have not really replied to any advice you have been given?!

what the hell does it matter if he lost his job? he is a violent man who has HURT you!! come on and THINK about this properly

MaryPoppinsMagic · 30/12/2011 22:15

advice

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/12/2011 22:17

OP please be one of the women who gets out and moves on not one of the women who die. Please. Make the first move away tonight.

ArthurPewty · 30/12/2011 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.