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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of people saying 'well, it's alright for you...'

283 replies

itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 19:43

DH and I are very fortunate to be in good jobs, and we are the first to admit this.

However, DH and I were over at a friends house when the topic of money came up. Basically, we were told that our opinion wasn't really valid (a chat about being frugal) because of the amount we earn. "oh, it's alright for you being on that wage".

If it's SO easy; you do it then. I work incredibly hard for my wage; so does DH. We don't broadcast our earnings, but we are fortunate enough to live a nice lifestyle. It feels like other people look at me and think I have it easy; like I do bugger all and somehow a pay cheque rocks up in my account every month Hmm.

We get this attitude fairly frequently from these people ('oh, it's not a lot of money for you I suppose', 'not with what you earn') and it embarrasses and frustrates me. AIBU, or should I think up a decent comeback?

OP posts:
marriedinwhite · 30/12/2011 21:09

OP - you sound like you are doing well and I am pleased and I hope it continues. It may be time to move on and find friends who don't begrudge you.

There have been some interesting comments on this thread. DH's sister who went to an RG university and lives a very unconventional life with her partner and three dc on another continent has never done anything other than a menial job because she is too creative to be fussed with jobs that require application; her dp is the same. She was loved and supported educationally in a hardworking home.

They live hand to mouth, make very snide comments to and about us but have always an outstretched hand. DH has funded xmas after xmas for the dc and stumped up for various essential bills over the years. Her piece de resistance was when she told the ILs they couldn't afford proper beds for the two youngest dc. The ILs priced up nice quality beds and sent £1,000. Hardworking sil and partner bought the dc futons and spent the balance on a sound system Hmm.

We don't make snide comments about them, SIL has never held back about us being capitalist bastards who trample, in their opinion, on the poor and who are laughably conventional - not so laughably conventional though to refuse our money when she needs it. The number of times MIL has remarked that SIL is struggling so much and I have had to bite my tongue and not say "well perhaps she should get off her backside and get a job then, like practical people like me who don't have a degree" grrrrr. OP - I'm with you.

goldbow · 30/12/2011 21:10

True brandy but still you work hard for it to I'm guessing.

habbibu · 30/12/2011 21:10

I do know someone who got promoted for being essentially rubbish. It was to keep out someone who would have been brilliant but who one of the bosses hated. we underlings had to spend all our time doing his work for him. It was like something out of the thick of It.

hwjm1945 · 30/12/2011 21:10

what is your income, really like ot know, so as to be able to judge this better Wink

cerealqueen · 30/12/2011 21:10

OP, Why can't I comment on the thread? That is what it is here for, you posted, people comment?!

Original poster
itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 21:12

habbibu how did you guess that was me? < blows cover>

OP posts:
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 30/12/2011 21:12

I think your friends are being rude but it could be rudeness out of fear. Money worries will make most of us snappy and 'unreasonable'

As long as you were not being patronizing I dont think it was fair of her to make the comment particularly as she has done it before.

Its different when fecking the lady of the manor Edwina Curry lectures us peasants on how to save money. Quite a few on MN seem to think if we all stopped buying plasma telllies and fags we could afford that second holiday in Tuscany.

Or the only reason we are poorer than them is because we simply do not work hard enough or were too lazy to go to university.

I dislike the attitude that we are all jealous too. I am happy for people who live in nice houses and are comfortable. Why would I be jealous?

If you are simply joining in a conversation about saving money I dont see why you should be snubbed.

Original poster
itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 21:13

cerealqueen you were the one who said it was a pointless thread... Why are you still here if it bores you so?

OP posts:
hwjm1945 · 30/12/2011 21:14

go on, tell us your salary? btw, I am with you, unless you are rubbing people's noses in it, I think it is pretty unpleasant to try to put you down jsut cos you are earning well.I have come across this and it generally comes from people who don't actually like me, so prob best to reveiw your friendships.

habbibu · 30/12/2011 21:15

What do you mean, not fair? I genuinely don't understand. I mean I was Bloody Horrible when we lost dd1. Just vile. For ages. And bitter as all hell. But I really am not any more - it was stress talking, and i think I have genuinely become more tolerant as a result. which is good, as i don't think I was very tolerant before.

And you know - what happened to me was nowhere near as bad as happens to other people, really not - great dh and family, wonderful, amazing hospital, had dd2 and later ds safe and sound; so maybe I shouldn't have been so vile. really maybe not. But i was, and I'm not generally a bitter person, so now i get that people behave badly when their circumstances, relative to themselves, do change for the worse. A lot of the tiome they shouldn't, but i am much more prepared to give the benefit of the doubt than I was.

I'm sorry if it seemed like a low blow - it really wasn't my intention. It's just that it is literally the only genuinely bad thing to have ever happened to me, so it's all I have as an example.

goldbow · 30/12/2011 21:15

It really pisses me off that at present in this country if you are doing well you get a pasting. Oh your lucky, you don't know whats its like etc. Working hard/doing well doesn't seem to be something to be admired anymore. Good on you OP.

would help to know a rough salary

cerealqueen · 30/12/2011 21:16

Where did I say that? I think it is an interesting thread, am enjoying reading it thanks,

habbibu · 30/12/2011 21:17

Itsbrandy - do you have a really odd moustache and curiously shaved sideburns?

Moominsarescary · 30/12/2011 21:17

brandy you say you work in a fairly unskilled job, then later on ask how we know you don't work as a nurse

Well nursing is hardly an unskilled job

tethersend · 30/12/2011 21:18

Why on earth shouldn't people with less be jealous of those with more? Confused

Original poster
itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 21:18

Add message | Report | Message poster cerealqueen Fri 30-Dec-11 20:57:08
I've not much sympathy if this is what is bugging you right now, in the grand scheme of things, it's way down there.

Anything else on your mind OP?

Seems fairly scathing to me cereal Wink

OP posts:
RealityNeedsANamechange · 30/12/2011 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cerealqueen · 30/12/2011 21:21

No more than anybody else.

Lynli · 30/12/2011 21:22

I sympathise with you and do understand what you are saying.

I have people say it to me. I have been homeless and broke. I have worked 16 hours a day, 7 days a week. I could write a long list of what I have had to endure to get to where I am today. The way some people talk you would think I won it in a raffle.

Many of the people that say it don't even have jobs because they can't be bothered to work.

You can apply this annoying attitude to anything. I follow slimming world, go to the gym, swim 500 lengths a week. Friends say it's allright for you, you are slim.

goldbow · 30/12/2011 21:22

Go on OP tell us how much you earn?

tethersend · 30/12/2011 21:22

I don't blame you, Reality.

It's my tits isn't it?

Original poster
itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 21:23

Ok, I am a medic in the Armed Forces; meaning I am not as skilled as your average NHS nurse (or as sweet and understanding!) I am trained in battle medicine, which is demanding and quite physical; though I didn't have to have uni training or a levels to get in. My training is totally down to the forces. Hence the luck part.

I am a level 4 corporal, and earn £31,000 a year. DH earns a little more, a few hundred pounds a year I think.

Go on then, flame me. Tell me I'm an evil babykiller...

OP posts:
RealityNeedsANamechange · 30/12/2011 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goldbow · 30/12/2011 21:24

Exactly Lynli there are folk you in the world and then there are folk like me other posters who are fat because I don't do any enough exercise/over eat, choose not to work but my DH earns tons so meh Wink

RealityNeedsANamechange · 30/12/2011 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.