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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want friends to change nappies in my living room?

281 replies

Nappiessmellbad · 30/12/2011 10:07

I have name changed for this as I don't want friends to recognise me and it's my first post in AIBU and I'm a wimp.

About six months ago, we had about 10 friends round for dinner. One couple had a toddler. I was in the kitchen serving up and returned to the dining table in the living room with the food. The parents of the toddler were changing their nappy at the other end of the room and I must admit I blanched - there was poo everywhere and it stunk. The smell lasted through the first course and when they left, my DH and I both said how rude it was.

Last week we had a different set of friends round for a meal on boxing day and again, one set of parents had a toddler. When we finished our meal, the toddler announced he'd done a poo. The parents started changing the child on our carpet with no changing mat and leaving the rolled dirty nappy on our floor.

As this has happened with two different sets of parents, are we the uptight ones or is this gross? We have a perfectly functional bathroom.

(I promise I'm not the poo troll)

OP posts:

Pishtushette · 30/12/2011 11:31

I think a newborn is fine, but I wouldn't change my toddler in front of a group of people.

bemybebe · 30/12/2011 11:33

Anyway, why "newborn is fine"? I do not like the smell of other people's shit even if the people are tiny.

GrendelsMum · 30/12/2011 11:33

Oh God, how revolting. I am feeling absolutely nauseous at some of these stories - and really baffled. None of my family or friends has ever felt the need to change babies anywhere other than the bathroom or spare bedroom, and then they bag the nappies up ready to go straight into the outside bin.

DilysPrice · 30/12/2011 11:35

But newborn baby shit doesn't smell like shit - it smells like fresh baked bread - it hasnt the same vom-inducing smell. It is still shit though, and messy, so the living room is not the ideal place for it.

Original poster

Nappiessmellbad · 30/12/2011 11:37

Bemybebe - that is gross, I think you've traumatised my DH. If they were chocolate biscuits I think I'd be put off for life.

Using a potty in the living room is pretty awful too. I've been subjected to that but luckily not in my house.

OP posts:

bemybebe · 30/12/2011 11:38

"it smells like fresh baked bread"
What??

Agree, not as revolting but it is not exactly baked "$%^ bread smell.

cubbie · 30/12/2011 11:38

Sorry, haven't got time to read the whole thread, but YANBU!!!!!!!!!!!! Definitely not!!! And i have 2 DS who are not that long out of nappies. It's very thoughtless, inconsiderate and downright bloody rude!!!

I NEVER changed mine in someone's living room, not that we visited anyone really! I might have changed a wet nappy at my Mum's, but only a wet nappy, only if it could be done very very quickly, and NOT when my Dad was around. But, I must say, I usually always changed them in the bathroom, or a bedroom, where my Mum or I had set up a changing area.

Wet nappies could go in a nappy bag in the bin, though I always asked if they wanted them in the outside bin. And noxious nappies went in a lead-lined casket, sometimes I even put them in the boot of the car and took with me. I didn't want to leave even the outside bin ponging!

I don't know whether anyone else has mentioned this (don't have time just now to read the whole thread, sorry.) but I also felt very strongly that a toddler (and yes, even a baby) should have their privacy and dignity respected, so that was also a main reason for always taking them away to change them.

I don't go to the toilet in front of others, and I wouldn't expect either children or adults to, either. If an adult or older child was incontinent, would you change them/clean them up in front of others?? I don't think so.

This is just my personal POV and I don't expect others to agree with me, we are all entitled to our own opinion. But I remember when my cousin was a baby and my brother and I were about 7, 8 or so, my aunt would change him in front of us/everyone and would delight in showing us the contents of his nappy, saying how clever he was etc. We were absolutely nauseated and I remember feeling embarrassed for him, even though he was a baby.

I stronly believe that changing a baby is not for public viewing. When mine were toddlers and still in nappies, they would hide behind the curtains etc to have a poo, so why would I then change them in front of people? Poo smells, it's offensive (even when it's your own child's though I had no problem at all changing them) and I wouldn't want the possibility of any getting on the carpet etc.

Apart from anything else, don't people want to wash their hands after changing a yukky nappy??? Especially if they are eating?? It's possible to contract blindness from the bacteria in a nappy. The mind verily doth boggle. I know we go through a LOT of bleach and soap in this house!!!

I would hasten to add that I am in no way a prude, my children come in the bath/shower with me, I walk around with nothing on after a bath etc, so do they. BUT!!!! I don't do it in front of anyone but them, and likewise, I don't think it's appropriate for them to be naked in front of others. I find it uncomfortable when it's not my own children and again, I think EVERYONE has the right to privacy.

And I don't have any problem with poo, it washes off, and i've certainly seen/cleaned up enough to last a lifetime! BUT!!! I sure as hell wouldn't inlfict my children's poo, or my own for that matter!!!!!, on anyone else.

I know quite a few people here thought it was fine to change a yukky nappy in other people's livingrooms, but I DON'T. And if they were in my house, I would politely ask them to take the baby/toddler elsewhere. As someone suggested, point out a suitable place when they arrive.

I don't want to come across as a very uptight person, 'cos I'm really not, but poo is private and should be confined to the bathroom or somewhere suitable!
So, YANBU, but I'm sure some people will disagree with some of my points, that's fair enough.

Nanny0gg · 30/12/2011 11:38

I normally don't have a problem with babies/toddlers being changed wherever. But in someone else's dining room, with others there and food on the table - well that is extremely rude in my book.
And if you're not sure of the etiquette then ask - never just assume that it's okay. Not everyone feels the same about baby/toddler excrement.

Original poster

Nappiessmellbad · 30/12/2011 11:40

Fresh baked bread? Really?? is this your own child by any chance?

Also @ Random pube anxiety

OP posts:

ilovemountains · 30/12/2011 11:40

YANBU. My friend refused the offer of using the changing mat upstairs. Her DS then pooed mid change, over our cream lounge carpet. It was explosive poo and absolutely disgusting. I will never let a nappy be changed in our lounge again. Ever.

bemybebe · 30/12/2011 11:43

Dilys seriously.
You HAVE to change your baker. As in go somewhere else for your fresh bread.

pipoca · 30/12/2011 11:43

I have a friend who went out for lunch with a friend of hers who changed her toddler's shitty nappy on the table in the tapas bar just before the food arrived....and didn't wash her hands. Boak.

buggyRunner · 30/12/2011 11:46

I always ask- and take the nappy home unless at my mums house.

In my house I have a baby and a toddler who is potty trained. Her friends are not so I keep a changing mat in the lounge (as this is where I change my baby and ppl are open to use it)

They always ask

MadameOvary · 30/12/2011 11:47

No changing mat? Slip new nappy under dirty nappy, undo nappy, roll, wipe, then slide off leaving DC on fresh nappy and no risk of escaping bodily fluids.
Disclaimer: I learned this method as DD was in a Pavlik harness so was constrained for a while - appreciate it wont work for everyone!

OP YANBU! I never inflicted nappy changes on company.

AnnoyingOrange · 30/12/2011 11:47

Pre kids one of my friends changed a pooey nappy in my living room. The smell was bad and I was quietly horrified. I didn't say anything though.

Roll on a few yrs and I was potty training my toddler and was in the early stages of having a potty to hand at all times as I had a small baby to deal with as well, so not always easy to get to the bathroom in time. One day, the toddler grabbed the potty and did a poo in front of my lunch guests. I was mortified but my guests were very polite about it.

DilysPrice · 30/12/2011 11:49

bemybebe - I may have overstated it a leetle, but I vividly remember visiting a friend who'd just had her second DC when my first had just turned 3, and she asked "Has Johnny just done a poo?" I lifted her DS up, gave his bum a big sniff and confidently said "no" because there was no poo smell at all to my nose, and I'd forgotten what bf newborn poo smelt like.
DH agrees, it's an actively nice smell - still best kept to the bathroom though.

Pishtushette · 30/12/2011 11:50

Newborn poop doesn't really smell.

perceptionreality · 30/12/2011 11:50

If you're serving dinner, then yes it is rude and I personally would use the bathroom and certainly wouldn't do it on a carpet with no changing mat.

Pishtushette · 30/12/2011 11:50

x post...I'm in the middle of stuff so a bit slow.

LifeIsButtercream · 30/12/2011 11:51

I change my toddler DD in my lounge, on a mat, as it's either there or the kitchen as our downstairs loo is the size of a phone box and I'm too lazy not really up to dragging a protesting DD up and down the stairs every time she needs changing. Nappies are bagged and go straight in the outside bin/by the door if it's tipping it down, guests with babies/toddlers are welcome to do the same (although I did boak when a friend insisted on changing a runny poo nappy without the mat - despite offers - and then dumped it without nappy sack into my kitchen bin).

However, if I had to change DD at anyone elses house I would ask them first where they preferred me to change DD - and now that she is older I do ask to take her somewhere a bit more private. YANBU and your nappy-wielding guests were being rude!

bakingaddict · 30/12/2011 11:52

I do think perhaps at a dinner party it is a little bit offputting but do people really run up and down the stairs all day, especially with very small babies, just to change nappies in the bathroom.

I change my kids on the living room floor sans changing mat in my house, at their grandparents and in my brothers house, would ask anywhere else. I put the nappy straight into the bin outside, it's quick, easy and doesn't stink up kitchen bins and I still get to keep an eye on DS, seems like i'm in the minority though

fortyplus · 30/12/2011 11:55

Wee ok
Breast fed baby poo ok
Any poo past weaning not ok - and if you think it is you're socially inept.
HTH

DilysPrice · 30/12/2011 11:56

I changed mine with water not wipes which is why it seems so strange to change in the living room I guess - so yes I did run up and down stairs to change nappies ten times a day - I lost the baby weight quickly but did develop dreadful contact dermatitis from all the hand washing (but surely you'd need to wash your hands anyway - eurghh at the various visitors who didn't).

WibblyBibble · 30/12/2011 11:56

Did you offer them another room or a towel to change the baby on? If not, then actually it's your fault for being an inconsiderate, thoughtless host- people don't normally assume it's ok to wander round other people's houses without permission, and I would not change a nappy on the bathroom floor because it's cold and generally unchildproof bathrooms are not safe for toddlers (stuff posted into toilet, playing with taps, etc etc). If you did and they said 'no, we'll do it right here because everyone loves poo in their dining room' then they are mental. I'm afraid though that once my toddler has done a poo in a room, it stinks in that room regardless of whether I change the nappy there or not- she's very pungent. Buy air-freshner or open a window?

To2012AndBeyondTheLimits · 30/12/2011 12:01

Oh no, I've never changed DS in a bathroom, always in the room I was in at the time!
MN has given me something else to be paranoid about

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