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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want friends to change nappies in my living room?

281 replies

Nappiessmellbad · 30/12/2011 10:07

I have name changed for this as I don't want friends to recognise me and it's my first post in AIBU and I'm a wimp. Blush

About six months ago, we had about 10 friends round for dinner. One couple had a toddler. I was in the kitchen serving up and returned to the dining table in the living room with the food. The parents of the toddler were changing their nappy at the other end of the room and I must admit I blanched - there was poo everywhere and it stunk. The smell lasted through the first course and when they left, my DH and I both said how rude it was.

Last week we had a different set of friends round for a meal on boxing day and again, one set of parents had a toddler. When we finished our meal, the toddler announced he'd done a poo. The parents started changing the child on our carpet with no changing mat and leaving the rolled dirty nappy on our floor.

As this has happened with two different sets of parents, are we the uptight ones or is this gross? We have a perfectly functional bathroom.

(I promise I'm not the poo troll)

OP posts:
ILoveSanta · 30/12/2011 10:10

I think it was a bit off of them to do this in someone else's house. The polite thing would be to take the child out of the room rather than do it in full view make you smell it of you all.

What is downright bloody rude is the fact that the first couple did it when you were about to eat in the room, and the second couple didn't use a changing mat. I wouldn't want poo on my carpet, my own child's, or another child's, so YANBU at all!

FootballFriendSays · 30/12/2011 10:12

It's gross but I think you get a bit immune to the smell of it all when it's your child. Or just want to get it over and done with asap, not make a big fuss about going elsewhere to change him and forget that others may not appreciate how efficiently you dealt with it... But essentially I agree with you, just going to a different room, esp when food involved, seems reasonable.

What will you do next time?

Listzilla · 30/12/2011 10:13

Visiting babies have always been changed in the sitting room in our house, and now we do the same in the houses of those parents - it's seen as the norm amongst our friends and relatives. We'd always use a changing mat, though one friend of mine uses kitchen paper rather than a mat (none of us has carpet though).

Toddler poo at a dinner party is pushing it though, I'd probably try and find another room for that.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 30/12/2011 10:13

YABU! You obviously dont have kids of your own! Yes, you are being very uptight....changing a nappy is easy and theres no reason to get poo anywhere. If you want friends to keep visiting you then chill a bit!

iFailedTheTuringTest · 30/12/2011 10:14

Er, no I have a toddler, I always take her to a bathroom to change her bum, even if the host says its ok to use living room. Toddler poo stinks, and it lingers. Also from my pov its easier in a room with less distractions, as she will usually make a bid for freedom halfway through. A naked screaming Shit smeared toddler is a great icebreaker! Not.

larks35 · 30/12/2011 10:14

I always go to another room to change my DS but I don't have a problem with others changing their DS's in living room, my DP does though and would agree with you that it is a bit off!

DilysPrice · 30/12/2011 10:16

YANBU, the bathroom floor is the appropriate place (apart from anything else you'd want to wash your hands afterwards).
Unless you only have a teeny shower cubicle without enough room to lie a toddler down, in which case I can see why a blasé parent might decide to do it on the spot (they'd be wrong, but you do become desensitised to poo by parenthood).

breatheslowly · 30/12/2011 10:18

I always ask where to change DD and my friends ask too. Wet nappy - no problem changing in the living room, but poo must be changed elsewhere. You have strange friends.

TheAnnoyingSatsuma · 30/12/2011 10:18

YANBU - it's your house.
FWIW though, it wouldn't bother me, but people do normally ask where they can change a nappy and whether I mind the (bagged) nappy going in my bin.

lemniscate · 30/12/2011 10:19

I always ask where I should change the baby to avoid any situations like this. It is thoughtless and rude, not to mention smelly, to change a nappy, particularly a poo-filled one, in full view of others without knowing if that is ok. Given not everyone may ask, do what I do when we have guests. Decide where you want people to change nappies (your DC's room, the hallway, bathroom and put a change mat/wipes there). Then when people arrive just throw in the 'where they can change the nappy' information as part of the general taking coats, offering a drink, showing them where to put their stuff welcome. Then everyone knows what is expected and you can remind them if they start trying to do it in the same room as the food.

Pascha · 30/12/2011 10:20

I always take the Boy elsewhere as well. I know I could do it there and then but its not nice to watch if its not your own child. Anyway, like iFailed's toddler, mine is likely to attempt the Great Escape midway through Grin.

I wouldn't mind other people doing it in my house, but I wouldn't assume it was fine in someone elses.

tethersend · 30/12/2011 10:21

YANBU

The smell of DD's poo still makes me heave and she's 3.

I don't think it's ever ok to change a toddler's shitty nappy in someone else's living room unless there's some sort of siege situation underway.

Pascha · 30/12/2011 10:23

If it was a hostage situation though tethers, stinky shit-smeared squealing toddlers running in amongst the hostage-taker's feet might be the thing to make them pack up and go home.

Sirzy · 30/12/2011 10:26

I would always ask the hosts where was best for me to change Ds. I would never just do in the a room full of people without checking nobody objected.

LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 30/12/2011 10:28

Wee - OK
Tiny baby - OK
Toddler poo - Not OK

HTH.

halcyondays · 30/12/2011 10:29

They just left the dirty nappy lying on the floor? That's very cheeky, surely they'd bag it up or if they didn't have any with them ask if ou had an old carrier bag, not just leave it on the living room floor.

bigredtractor · 30/12/2011 10:32

I always ask first - and ALWAYS use a mat - or at least a muslin or something.

YANBU - maybe if they're coming you could set up a little change area for them and let them know when they arrive?

Original poster
Nappiessmellbad · 30/12/2011 10:33

Great, glad to hear most people think I'm not BU!

I'm not sure how to deal with it in future - I was thinking I could leave a changing mat in the bathroom (which has lots of floor space) and say that's there, but then I look like an arse to those friends who would be more considerate and not think to do this in the first place.

If I wait for the nappy changing to start then that's awkward too - there's about a 5 - 10 second interval to interject, they're speedy!

Maybe I do have weird friends. I'll make exceptions for hostage situations should one arise. :)

OP posts:
DumSpiroSperHoHoHo · 30/12/2011 10:34

I wouldn't worry about if friends were round for a coffee/chat type thing, but when you're having a meal Shock and without a changing mat is really pushing it.

TBH if they were close friends I probably wouldn't say anything (maybe just keep a spare. cheap changing mat somewhere discreet to offer any repeat offenders), but I would definitely be a bit Hmm.

Oblomov · 30/12/2011 10:37

O.k. I do this all the time. Blush In my own home. On the carpet, no mat ( I used to use a mat and then got a bit lazy), whip it off, so quick, 2 minutes later, settle down and continue drinking my cup of tea while friend chats to me. And yes, the smell does linger. I think I've just become a bit immune to it. Or at my 2 closest friends houses, who have 2 children the same age as our 2. But anyone else, I would probably ask, where they wanted me to change them. And get rid of the nappy quick smart.

LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 30/12/2011 10:38

Is a bit la-de-da but if this happens frequently and you want to avoid, how about creating a bit of a nice changing area in your bathroom? Mat, basket with wpies, bags etc?

Haziedoll · 30/12/2011 10:38

Yes this is a bugbear for me. I always go upstairs to change ds and when I am in someone else's home I always ask where they want me to to it.

None of my friends ever ask they just do it on the floor and don't always use a changing mat either and they stick the nappy bag in my kitchen bin which
I find really minging.

Oblomov · 30/12/2011 10:40

Op, everytime i have been asked to use someones bathroom, it was very cold and hard a bit unpleasant, for changing. maybe bathroom is not the best solution, here?

Original poster
Nappiessmellbad · 30/12/2011 10:41

Halcyon - yep, I handed them a carrier bag and told them where the bin was.

Loopy - why would a tiny baby or wee be ok? I am generally curious as I can be uptight and try not to inflict this on others where I am BU!

OP posts:
Bluestocking · 30/12/2011 10:43

YA so NBU. Shit belongs in the bathroom, not in the sitting room, the dining room or anywhere else in the house. Back in the nappy days, I had a couple of friends who used to change their shitty toddlers in front of everyone and I could never quite believe anyone thought this was acceptable, but was too much of a wuss to say anything. I like your idea of telling visitors that there is a mat in the bathroom - I'm sure your more considerate friends wouldn't be offended, I certainly wouldn't have been!