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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just be a bit shocked by what I found on our computer today?

573 replies

MrsJangleBalls · 29/12/2011 22:34

Disclaimer - I was not bloody snooping!

Well only a little bit. Long story but bear with me...

I am currently trying to download iCloud. It says to go to Networks and Sharing. Well it wasn't there, but access to my dh's files was. His pictures file. Now I know he collects pictures of nude wimmin because I've seen him looking at them before. So I thought I'd take a peek at the kind of thing he was looking at. It was pretty harmless, just lots of posed pictures of naked women, etc. That wasn't what shocked me.

There were over 13,000 pictures.

It was like a fucking library. There were folders, sub-folders, categories, sub-categories, different fetishes, a whole folder full of folders of different women with hundreds of pictures of them in each one (and each one was named!) not to mention folders of lingerie, etc.

Now I know I probably got what I deserved, but 13,000? That's bloody years of collecting it. There's no way I'm going to tell him I've seen it. I didn't touch it, just looked through it. He obviously doesn't know I can find it.

I feel like I ought to be impressed at the sheer scale of it. I'm tempted to move it and wait for him to start asking panicky questions about whether the computer has gone wrong or not.

OP posts:
ILoveSanta · 29/12/2011 23:47

eau they swap stuff on external hard drives! So he knows what they've all got!

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2011 23:47

I'm almost sure bit torrent and other file sharing sites mean you download them as a whole file/catalogue IYSWIM?

I know it used to do it with music years ago.

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2011 23:49

Who says they dont want to just join in with the bravado when discussing it with the lads 'yeah course I look at it- but dont tell the missus!'? Nobody knows who partakes in what behind closed doors do they?

No, when I said they get their mobile phones out...I meant they then go on the internet to show their favourite sites/porn models.

ILoveSanta · 29/12/2011 23:49

Aaa maybe that's why he has so much then! Would be popular at my DH's workplace then!

EauDeLaPoisson · 29/12/2011 23:49

Looking at porn/knocking one out to a blue movie/ten minute freeview on the horny housewives channel is one thing but to have an obsession like the OP's fella is just weird- and im sure most MEN would agree!

LaurieFairyCake · 29/12/2011 23:49

I find it very hard to imagine that there are 13000 pictures of naked woman without one of them being under age (ie. A child) or an exploited individual.

That's a lot of 'consenting' women. Hmm

My last act as a partner to a man like that would be to delete them and free up a few gig for downloading episodes of House or summat.

Original poster
MrsJangleBalls · 29/12/2011 23:50

Well he never discusses it with me, when I've caught him storing porn under a locked file on our tele he denied the evidence that was there on the screen in front of us and he lies about it.

I do hope he's not lying about anything else. I don't think there's any more on the computer.

It is all soft porn-type stuff. Fannies, tits, etc. Not really any pictures of people actually having sex. Just mainly women in poses.

And none of them look anything like me, they all have fabulous figures.

Although they mostly have the same hair colour as me, which I suppose is a start!

OP posts:
ILoveSanta · 29/12/2011 23:50

I would be surprised if my DH had the time to catalogue it. I know what he does what he looks at it, and it's not cataloging it! Lol

EauDeLaPoisson · 29/12/2011 23:50

No agent I only have 13,000 Daniel O'Donnell pictures on my computer possess nothing of the sort Grin

JustRedbin · 29/12/2011 23:50

"I would hate to find out my DH had kept something from me"
Don't look too hard then.

gallicgreetings · 29/12/2011 23:50

It doesn't really matter if it's 1 or 13000. I'd worry about what your DH thinks of you after looking at the pictures of other women.

If he loves you, why would he want to look at other women? It might be naive of me but I think it's disrespectful.

If your DH wants to look at porn for sexual gratification then it should be shared with you, not hidden from you.

hiddenhome · 29/12/2011 23:51

Why don't you substitute them for lots of pics of naked men? Grin

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 29/12/2011 23:51

It would appear that he's probably got it as a 'bulk lot' from somewhere - so much less time consuming Grin

BecauseImperfect · 29/12/2011 23:52

Why are you bringing me into it? I have not mentioned my or my Dh porn usage and views. I see both sides.

The thing I really dont like a about the porn culture. Even if most do use it privately. Is other women sneering, mocking and name calling those who don't like it. There is no need. Ironically it's actually quite damaging to the pro porn stance.

ILoveSanta · 29/12/2011 23:52

just we've been married nearly nine yrs and together over 12, he's rubbish at lying!

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2011 23:53

I find it very hard to imagine that there are 13000 pictures of naked woman without one of them being under age (ie. A child) or an exploited individual

Dear god what a strange mind you have Confused

How many adult women are there in the entire world? Quite a few more than 13k I think.

ElizabethDarcy · 29/12/2011 23:53

'My last act as a partner to a man like that would be to delete them and free up a few gig for downloading episodes of House or summat.'

Hear Hear! 13,000. That's fanatical.

EauDeLaPoisson · 29/12/2011 23:54

OP you dont sound very secure in yourself tbh, do you feel your DP's obsession with looking at other women makes this worse? If so have you ever discussed it? I cant stand this idea that as women we can never tell our partners 'no I dont like that' for fear as being seen as a) a killjoy b)controlling c)jealous or d)'frigid'

LaurieFairyCake · 29/12/2011 23:58

I don't have a strange mind Hmm assuming that at least one of these images is of a child or an exploited individual.

It's called statistically likely you daft bint Hmm

I'm a foster carer to an abused and exploited child and a counsellor to rape victims.

You'd have to be a right thicky piece of shit to not realise at least some porn is exploited individuals.

You're not thick are you Hmm Wink

BecauseImperfect · 30/12/2011 00:00

Op the tone of your posts. Suggests to me that all is not well. He lies about it , lack of sex, asking if it's ok really.

I'd repost in relationships. Where you are more likely to get a look at the bigger picture.

Rather than it's 13!?!?! K of titty pics get over it or you are deluded type thing.

IMO wank pics is one thing if you knew, but 13k eugh.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2011 00:02

No dear I'm not thick but you seem to be fairly sick to assume the OP's DH would be looking at child porn images just because he has 13k photos of naked women.

And I don't care what you claim to do.

AgentZigzag · 30/12/2011 00:05

When I posted wondering whether there was any illegal pictures, I was thinking about underaged children.

Hiding something like that in 13 thousand pictures is something men like that would do.

Not that I'm saying 'soft' porn = a person who would download pictures of children, but there are just so many.

Selks · 30/12/2011 00:06

Hoping for an update from the OP re the reaction from her DP...Grin

LaurieFairyCake · 30/12/2011 00:07

I didnt say that!

I said it was statistically likely in 13000 images that one would be of child or an exploited individual.

That is all! I cast no aspersions on the dh's partner about downloading or looking at them.

It's just likely that in 13000 images at least one will be obtained through exploitation.

fireandthefury · 30/12/2011 00:07

I don't think Lauriefairycake has a strange mind.

DH used to work for the police and his first reaction (other than why would you want to see the same pair of boobs more than once) was to ask if all 13k photos - that's THIRTEEN THOUSAND PORNOGRAPHIC IMAGES - were legitimate images of CONSENTING ADULTS.

Personally, I think it's naive in the extreme to think that you could catalogue so many images without coming across a single one that didn't involve an exploited or underage person. NAIVE IN THE EXTREME.