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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to just be a bit shocked by what I found on our computer today?

573 replies

MrsJangleBalls · 29/12/2011 22:34

Disclaimer - I was not bloody snooping!

Well only a little bit. Long story but bear with me...

I am currently trying to download iCloud. It says to go to Networks and Sharing. Well it wasn't there, but access to my dh's files was. His pictures file. Now I know he collects pictures of nude wimmin because I've seen him looking at them before. So I thought I'd take a peek at the kind of thing he was looking at. It was pretty harmless, just lots of posed pictures of naked women, etc. That wasn't what shocked me.

There were over 13,000 pictures.

It was like a fucking library. There were folders, sub-folders, categories, sub-categories, different fetishes, a whole folder full of folders of different women with hundreds of pictures of them in each one (and each one was named!) not to mention folders of lingerie, etc.

Now I know I probably got what I deserved, but 13,000? That's bloody years of collecting it. There's no way I'm going to tell him I've seen it. I didn't touch it, just looked through it. He obviously doesn't know I can find it.

I feel like I ought to be impressed at the sheer scale of it. I'm tempted to move it and wait for him to start asking panicky questions about whether the computer has gone wrong or not.

OP posts:
ILoveSanta · 29/12/2011 23:28

Yep, don't see the problem at all! He was looking at porn before he met me, and it's not a secret.

If he was doing it behind my back I would want to know why he felt he couldn't tell me.

I truly believe that ALL men look at porn at various points in their lives, and if they tell you they don't/ haven't then I think you need to ask yourself why they feel the need to lie about it.

voscar · 29/12/2011 23:29

Lynlynn is probably right. You would have noticed the sheer time away from you/family unit if he had collected them himself. It's a massive hobby to have gone unnoticed.

TheSecondComing · 29/12/2011 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rasputin · 29/12/2011 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2011 23:31

I agree with the others who have said he probably didn't catalogue them himself.

Actually, he might be surprised to learn how many he's got too Grin

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest though

Miette · 29/12/2011 23:32

If everyone whose husband was in possession of naked pictures of women ditched said husband tomorrow, there would not be many marriages left!

HarrietSchulenberg · 29/12/2011 23:33

I know he can't be "done" for having naked women pics on his PC, but I bet he wouldn't want anyone else knowing about them.

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2011 23:34

My DH works in a mainly male environment and you wouldn't believe how many of them have totally convinced their wives they'd never look at porn.

Yet as soon as they get into work, out come the mobile phones! Grin

But the wives truly believe they don't, it would seem.

ILoveSanta · 29/12/2011 23:35

worra they must be naive/ stupid/ deluded/ in denial

Delete as appropriate!

cakeismysaviour · 29/12/2011 23:36

By naked pics do you mean page three type stuff or legs-apart type stuff?

EauDeLaPoisson · 29/12/2011 23:37

This is what I hate in discussions like this- that people have convinced themselves ALL men have pictures of naked women, all men get off on this kind of thing, all men have a quick hand shandy over the gadzillion booby pictures they have been compiling over the years!

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2011 23:37

I don't know what's up with them Santa? Shock

I mean one or two have said their wives are suspicious but by all accounts some are totally convinced they never look at it.

The thing is, the wives would no doubt be furious at the lies...but then again if they don't lie, all hell would probably break loose so they can't win.

ILoveSanta · 29/12/2011 23:38

worra it's the lies that would worry me! I feel no threat from pictures!

AgentZigzag · 29/12/2011 23:40

I'm not asking DH if he's got any because I don't want to know Grin

The thing that would probably bother me the most if he had 13 thousand of them would be that we didn't have the relationship I thought we had.

And if he's OK at keeping that a secret, what else does he see as within the boundaries?

EauDeLaPoisson · 29/12/2011 23:40

Look Worra/Santa- if your fella feels the need to get his rocks off looking at pictures of other womens jebs thats up to them- dont for one minute think all men do/lie to their partners about doing it!

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2011 23:41

I don't know about all men but I do know about the ones who have managed to convince their wives they'd never look at porn.

I do however think most sexually active males would at least look at soft porn if it were placed in front of them and they knew no-one else would know, but that's jmo.

fireandthefury · 29/12/2011 23:41

I'm in the ewww camp, too.

Nice to have a hobby and all that, but if my husband was THIS interested in wanking to pictures of strangers I'd think that he needed to get out more.

There's wanking, and there's this.

EauDeLaPoisson · 29/12/2011 23:42

13k stored and catologued pictures of anything indicates a saddo- whether the pictures are of Cliff Richard or funbags.
The fact its naked women just makes it even odder!

BecauseImperfect · 29/12/2011 23:43

You know what is really depressing. Not the porn fight. I think it's a personal preference. Most people use it or have done. A very small minority don't. Most men have nudy pics of women. Women have pics of whoever.

The depressing thing is tho and this thread shows it. Women and op you have to be comfortable with it or else. You will have other women calling you stupid, deluded and laughing behind your back at your uncoolness nice eh? Quite a backwards step for girl power there ladies.

I think there is more to this you are shocked at the scale. There is a hint of something in your posts which suggests this should have been in relationships.

ILoveSanta · 29/12/2011 23:43

Have just asked my DH and been told that there are loads of men at his workplace who also omit the fact that they look at pornwhen talking to their partners! I think there are a lot of naive people out there!

rasputin · 29/12/2011 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EauDeLaPoisson · 29/12/2011 23:46

Who says they dont want to just join in with the bravado when discussing it with the lads 'yeah course I look at it- but dont tell the missus!'? Nobody knows who partakes in what behind closed doors do they?

ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly · 29/12/2011 23:46

Am I the only one who has visions of pages and pages of Page 3 type shots where Linda Lusardi wears large earrings and not much else.

Sort of a 70's porn obsession?

ILoveSanta · 29/12/2011 23:46

because it comes down to what I said, it's not the porn, it's the lies.
I would hate to find out my DH had kept something from me, and would want to know why he felt he had to. It is naive not to expect your DH to have looked at porn, not many people have as an extensive collection, granted, but it is extremely naive to think they have never made use of porn.

Why hide it from you though?

AgentZigzag · 29/12/2011 23:47

EauDeLaPoisson - Cliff eh?

Got anything you'd like to share with us? Grin