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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask dog owners to keep their "friendly" dog away from my toddler?

232 replies

CultureMix · 29/12/2011 00:10

Happened again today, we were out for a walk with my two boys (2 and 4), when a big dog bounded along, with the owner miles behind, and charged right up to the boys. Not in an aggressive manner, more just curious, but had DS2 leaping into my arms screaming in fright and DS1 clinging onto my legs.

The owner called out from a distance "oh he's friendly it's alright". No it's not alright, you can tell my two kids are scared, the little one is hollering in terror. Come and get your mutt away right now... grrr.

I'm not against the right of anyone to walk their dogs nor even saying they should be on a lead (this was a local park so perfectly ok to let dogs run). And yes my boys haven't grown up used to dogs as we don't have one at home. But when it's obvious the dog is scaring the children, don't just laugh it off and make no effort to a) fetch the dog asap -that means run not stroll- and b) apologise. How would you like it if a huge creature the (relative) size of a donkey came galloping up to you looking like you'd make a tasty snack?

It's the "he's friendly' that drives me crazy, like that excuses anything and should of course reassure the children, or indeed guarantee that nothing will happen....

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 29/12/2011 00:14

Why don't you help your dc with this? To leap into your arms is a bit OTT! Where has their fears come from?

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 29/12/2011 00:16

YANBU

I'd say that having something bigger than you bounding towards you with no idea what it's intentions are is where the fear comes from. FFS, the onus is on dog-owners to control their dogs, not on parents to ensure that their toddler doesn't become alarmed when an unleashed dog comes running up to it.

Aaaaaand it's all goin to kick off...

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2011 00:18

YANBU of course

But I can't believe how many kids are 'terrified' of dogs these days...WTF is that all about? Confused

GypsyMoth · 29/12/2011 00:20

Me neither Worra....

JjandtheBean · 29/12/2011 00:21

Yanbu.

My dd has grown up with dogs, every family member we visit has one or more. We don't, however we visit a household with a dog 3 or more times a week.

Dd hates dogs, really is scared of them, she avoids all family ones and can ignore them but if they go near her face she will cry. She is 3, and has no reason to be scared at all. If a strange dog approached her she would be very scared.

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 29/12/2011 00:21

Fears don't have to be rational, you know?

JjandtheBean · 29/12/2011 00:22

Oh and I have a ds a year older who loves them, brought up around the same dogs in the same way, explain that!

Me and dp would love a dog but can't due to renting and dd would disolve.

yellowraincoat · 29/12/2011 00:22

Hmm, you're not being unreasonable but at the same time, why are your kids so scared? It's much better for them to learn how to pet a dog safely.

But I don't like it when a huge dog I don't know runs up to me, and I LOVE dogs.

GypsyMoth · 29/12/2011 00:24

Jj.... Renting is the only thing stopping you getting a dog?

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 29/12/2011 00:24

Imagine if a bull ran up to you. You'd shit yourself a bit, right? That's about the same proportion (adult to bull) as toddler to a large dog. Of course lots of toddlers would be scared by that.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 29/12/2011 00:28

We're not dog owners; we go out of our way to NOT instill a fear of dogs into our kids as DH does want to get a dog some day - but, for God's sake, a huge (to them) bounding animal is scary for small children. It just is.

OP - YANBU but you will be flamed to high hell and back by the dog-can-do-no-wrong brigade.

dimplebum · 29/12/2011 00:29

Id be more worried about why your boys are scared of dogs (terribly afraid of them by the sounds of it, not just nervous) - rather than a dog coming over to you to be fussed.

I think your overaction makes this worse for your DSs - poor little things.

I agree that children do need to be made aware of the dangers but we protect our children way too much sometimes.

helpmabob · 29/12/2011 00:29

You know i used to be blase about kids being scared of pets and blithely saying you should sort it out. Now my third dc is petrified of dogs, I have more sympathy and frankly it is not that easy. Yes of course dc should learn to pet them safely but how, how do you do it? I adore dogs and indeed all animals, my other dc love all creatures, we all show no fear yet dc3 is scared of dogs and big animals. So it is a little patronising and useless to the OP to say your dc shouldn't be scared.

However, useful practical advice about overcoming fears would be handy.

helpmabob · 29/12/2011 00:30

and the suggestion that it is the op's fault or overprotectiveness that has caused this fear is also deeply annoying and insulting I expect

dimplebum · 29/12/2011 00:33

Just to add, I am not from the 'dog can do no wrong brigade' but rather 'stop smothering your child brigade instead.'

toody · 29/12/2011 00:35

I have a friendly dog but would not let her run up to anyone especially children - at the end of the day she is a dog and you cannot predict how they will behave, equally I don't know how other people will react and what they might do to my dog (kick etc) which could cause her to retaliate. I would never forgive myself if my dog hurt anyone.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 29/12/2011 00:35

Yes, it's all the fault of people who do not want - and choose not to have - dogs in their lives, not making their children more open and friendly and un-scared of dogs.

Bloody people, why can't they just do that, it really would make things so much easier for dog-owners everywhere if non-dog owners would just invest this time.

Dog owners wouldn't then have to exert anywhere near as much hands-on control over their beasts if non-dog types would just play ball a bit more here.

Really non-dog people - just step up to the plate, would you?

SmileItsSeasonal · 29/12/2011 00:36

Yanbu

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 29/12/2011 00:36

Bit presumptious to say that OP has smothered her child. Hmm

My DS is also afraid of large dogs, despite my dad and stepmum having two large labradors that he has known since he was born. No smothering here, he just has a fear that cannot be explained.

Perhaps if dogs weren't left to run about like idiots, then little children wouldn't feel alarmed when a strange one comes bounding up to it.

Feminine · 29/12/2011 00:37

Some children just are scared though.

No crazy parenting ...nothing weird rubbing off.

Some are born that way.

My DD is, my boys are fine.

When she is bigger, I will help her find calmness when around them.

YANBU

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 29/12/2011 00:37

toody - sounds like you have the right attitude.

Goolash · 29/12/2011 00:37

Well, I have mixed views on this. Dogs should be trained not to be overly friendly, if theyre not then they should be under close control. I do lots of hiking and have been nipped in the past, by a curious very happy dog, owner seems to think dog is being friendly and carries on!

I have to say most of my encounters with dogs and their owners have been good. They'll usually apologise and bring the dog into check if they approach and the dog has started to sniff around.

I grew up around dogs but my children have not. My youngest has always been very wary. i always tell them to remain relaxed even if they're scared, if they fuss the dog will think theyre playing. They should not flap or scream, they should look at the signals the dog is giving, is this a dog who wants to play? Or is it aggressive?

I think in such an instance the dog owner should correct the dog, however, they should also not make the sittuation excitable for the kids or the dog.

GreenEyesAndNiceHam · 29/12/2011 00:38

My youngest was terrified of the Hoover. Absolutely terrified.

I didn't worry about it, I didn't analyse why he was scared, I accepted he was terrified and avoided running at him with the hoover. Perhaps I smothered him, I dunno.

tigerlillyd02 · 29/12/2011 00:38

Ds used to be scared of dogs as a baby. But, even when he cried I got him to stroke them and did so myself with a huge smile on my face saying how lovely they are. It took a while but now at 2.1 he loves them. I dont think I'd have been bothered about a dog running up to us in the park even if he cried. I'd have just made a fuss of the dog to show him there's nothing to be upset about and then swiftly moved on. I'm not particularly a dog person - much prefer cats but friendly dogs don't bother me. However, I still made a fuss of dogs, even ones on leads to sort of prove to him that they're lovely animals, not big, nasty, horrible, frightening things.

helpmabob · 29/12/2011 00:38

but where is the suggestion that the op was smothering her child. She did not say what her reaction was only what her child's reaction was. And I most definetely do not smother my child when it comes to animals. I love interacting with all animals and have only ever shown them me enjoying experiencing creatures and being very brisk with them. I have never pandered to fears but tried to turn them around. Hence all my kids love spiders, snakes, lizards etc and my youngest adores our cats yet he has a huge fear of dogs. If dogs come up to us at the park I give them attention and tell dc how lovely they are but he is still scared. At friends with dogs I don't like my friends taking the dog away as I want him to get used to the dog but it has made no difference and he cries and hides behind my skirts. So how, how is that the fault of over protectiveness.

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