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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask dog owners to keep their "friendly" dog away from my toddler?

232 replies

CultureMix · 29/12/2011 00:10

Happened again today, we were out for a walk with my two boys (2 and 4), when a big dog bounded along, with the owner miles behind, and charged right up to the boys. Not in an aggressive manner, more just curious, but had DS2 leaping into my arms screaming in fright and DS1 clinging onto my legs.

The owner called out from a distance "oh he's friendly it's alright". No it's not alright, you can tell my two kids are scared, the little one is hollering in terror. Come and get your mutt away right now... grrr.

I'm not against the right of anyone to walk their dogs nor even saying they should be on a lead (this was a local park so perfectly ok to let dogs run). And yes my boys haven't grown up used to dogs as we don't have one at home. But when it's obvious the dog is scaring the children, don't just laugh it off and make no effort to a) fetch the dog asap -that means run not stroll- and b) apologise. How would you like it if a huge creature the (relative) size of a donkey came galloping up to you looking like you'd make a tasty snack?

It's the "he's friendly' that drives me crazy, like that excuses anything and should of course reassure the children, or indeed guarantee that nothing will happen....

OP posts:
MrsHeffley · 29/12/2011 19:54

Sorry any dog not on a lead,running around me and my family invading our space is not in control and I come across such animals pretty much every time we're out walking.We walk a lot and live in a rural area.

Dogs not on leads are a major problem round here disturbing nests and at the moment killing sheep.We have hideous photos of the damage they've caused attached to fences as a reminder.

CocktailQueen · 29/12/2011 20:02

Worra- children are often scared of dogs because the dog owners are so bloody irresponsible and let their dogs bound everywhere scaring children!

FlightRisk · 29/12/2011 20:12

OH for gods sake you're one of "them" parents!!!

You're children are scared because you allow them to be why didn't you encourage them to be brave and pet the dog. This will help their fear!!!

Unless it was a pitbull I don't know why you be scared!!!

flapperghasted · 29/12/2011 20:18

I have been known to pick my pup up to stop her from bouncing on small children. It's not the best for the dog, but til she's been properly trained, it's one way I know I can control her and it's a way to make her more approachable for young children!

SeasonsGripings · 29/12/2011 20:18

"You're children are scared because you allow them to be why didn't you encourage them to be brave and pet the dog. This will help their fear!!!"

PMSL - You should move into therapy - you'd make a fortune with that wonderfully simple approach - why didn't we all think of that - DOH!!!

rubyrubyruby · 29/12/2011 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rattling · 29/12/2011 20:25

OP didn't say she was scared - her 2 year old is. I have twin 2 year olds, one couldn't care less about dogs, the other is scared - since a dog stuck his face into the buggy when he was about a year old.

I am working on it, but wouldn't suggest he touched a strange dog unless the owner was right beside us with a hand on his dog. We are mostly working on walking past dogs without him hiding behind me - well behaved dogs who ignore us while we ignore them help this, dogs that come at us so I have to grab them by the collar and hold them away from my son do not.

As OP says, where I take the boys I expect dogs to be loose (only option if I want to take my twins out for a walk away from a road), but I expect owners to control their dogs.

scummymummy · 29/12/2011 20:29

Are you American? I like the word "hollering" used by Americans but it is utterly wrong if you are English.

re dogs, no opinion, really.

suebfg · 29/12/2011 20:34

YANB. My son is nervous around dogs and I've never done anything to encourage this, having been brought up with dogs. It irritates me too!

MidsomerM · 29/12/2011 20:53

It's the dog slobber I can't bear. Dogs lick their balls and sniff other dogs bums, so I don't want their saliva anywhere near my kids faces. It's disgusting.

WhyohWhyCantIThinkofaFabName · 29/12/2011 20:57

YANBU - a mahoosive dog came bounding up to my friend and I in the park...the owner was yelling at it to come back (which it ignored...making us crap our pants even more!!!) this breed of dog was large and powerful...the owner clearly had no control...we were scared rigid !! Find it hard to believe that some on here are suggesting that YOU should be controlling your child 's fears when this happens !!! No dog owner can guarantee that their 'friendly' dog won't actually bite you or your child !!
There are plenty of dog owners that are fantastic and take the responsibility seriously and are conscious that some people aren't as comfortable as they are around dogs. Sadly there are plenty that assume just because they are happy to have a dog lick them in the mouth after it's licked it's arse then everyone else must love it too !!!

hugglymugly · 29/12/2011 20:57

I think that one of the best things I ever did when my DC were very young was to get down on the floor, so at their height, and see what the world looks like to them - mostly a minefield of table and chair legs. Fast forward a few years, and they're still pretty small, and what they could see is an unknown animal making a beeline for them. It doesn't matter that the owner of the unknown animal gaily calls out that the unknown animal is friendly - all that the child sees is something quite probably bigger than them displaying a whole load of teeth. It's an evolutionary thing.

I'm no longer a child, I'm an old(er) woman. I'm wary about unconstrained dogs with owners who gaily call out that the dog is friendly - because the dog could be big enough and powerful enough to push me over, and the risk for me is a fractured hip.

ElaineBenes · 29/12/2011 21:14

whyohwhy
I saw exactly the same thing in the park the other day. My dog isn't very friendly with other dogs and his recall isn't great either (adopted as an adult with zero recall) so he's on the lead and I expect other dog owners to either have full control or the dog on the lead.

Anyway, this guy had a big dog who was clearly coming towards my dog even though I was trying to walk away. Eventually the owner appeared and I shouted to him to call his dog who didn't come and the owner had to run up and pull him away. Then, as we were walking off in the opposite direction, I saw the dog bounding up to a group of kids. One girl was obviously terrified and started running away. I could hear the dog owner shouting 'Don't run, don't run' but the poor kid was off, dog was bounding after her, last thing we saw the girl was on the floor with the dog over her. I didn't see what happened because I had to get my dog away but I was furious with that idiot who had no control over his dog. Sure the girl shouldn't have run away but the responsibility is with the owner to have control over his dog.

OP, YANBU

SeasonsGripings · 29/12/2011 21:37

The dog owner can't control the dog - yet they expect you to control your child's fear. Hmm
The dog owner can't control their dog or get the dog to stop running so they shout at the terrified child to stop running and it's the child's fault for running....parents should train their child not to run when they are bloody terrified - that makes perfect sense. Hmm

PickledHegg · 29/12/2011 22:02

OP YANBU

Everyone has a fear of something.....just some people its dogs.

My 30yr old sister won't visit my house as she is petrified of my loving, gorgeous although very large bulldog.

Whereas a huge rotweiler came bounding towards my 4yr old DD a few months ago and she opened her arms to catch the dog Shock LOL, luckily it was a very loving rotty and I happened to know the owner, however it could have ended a very different way.

Inthepotty · 29/12/2011 22:32

OP I'd say you are not BU.

I've always had dogs and would be mortified they ran up to anyone, hence why I train recall like a demon and am hyper alert on walks to avoid this happening!

But Jesus, WHERE do you all live??! I had no idea so many children were being ran up to, jumped up at, barked at, circled etc!

zest01 · 29/12/2011 22:59

yanbu - I HATE it when dogs bound over to me let alone DC. It's not fear, it's the fact that I don't want their dirty paws all over my clothes and their tongues licking us when they have been sniffing at/eating god knows what.

I get that some people love dogs but I am not one of them and I don't care how "friendly" the dog is I just don't want it leaping at me and my DC. By the same token I wouldn't let my child with sticky fingers and a chocolate covered face go and wipe them on a random stranger while calling out "it's ok, he's friendly!" I love my kids but can accept that not everyone does so why can't some (because it isn't all) dog owners appreciate that.

Some owners have excellent control over their animals but if your dog doesn't come when called and you are unable to control it then put it on a lead! Not rocket science.

MyBestBauble · 30/12/2011 07:27

There is really no way to stop people letting their dogs off lead, or make them train their dogs properly. Perhaps we could be teaching our children how to deal with a situation where a big dog is running towards them. Do not scream and run, as the dog will think you want to play, and it will chase you. Instead, you need to stand still, fold your arms, be quiet and turn your back on the dog. Don't look at the dog. If you ignore it, it will leave you alone.

Dustinthewind · 30/12/2011 07:39

'There is really no way to stop people letting their dogs off lead, or make them train their dogs properly.'

Not as things stand at the moment, no. But that situation will change if the unacceptable behaviour by dog owners continues. The pressure to prevent this level of irresponsibility continuing will increase.
Children, joggers, cyclists, picnickers, and people in general should not have to face a hazard that is avoidable.

'Do not scream and run, as the dog will think you want to play, and it will chase you. Instead, you need to stand still, fold your arms, be quiet and turn your back on the dog. Don't look at the dog. If you ignore it, it will leave you alone.'

That may be absolute common sense, but what if you were ignoring the animal in the first place? Why didn't it respond by ignoring in turn?
Why should I have to worry about whether I'm unintentionally triggering a negative response in some random animal and then feel that somehow it is my fault or responsibility?
All I want is the freedom to go about my business without interruption, annoyance, fear or attack by a dog I have done nothing to. And for the consequences to the dog and the owner to be significant, to avoid it happening again to me or others. If self regulation doesn't work, then outside agencies and legislation need to be involved.

ageperfect · 30/12/2011 09:03

DOGS are ANIMALS and children are NOT. Because of sooo many unreasonable dog owners i really dislike dogs that i don't know.
My friend has golden retriever and in 9 yrs knowing her she never ever went for a walk without lead..she is very careful and understands that not everyone likes dogs. But this summer(she runs a lot) she was bitten by one "SO CALLED SHIT "FRIENDLY" DOG and owner wasn't even bothered. She did say to my friend that dog is healthy dog and the bite wasn't deep so no concern---really??????????? I am telling you,i would be blasted for this, but i would kick hell out of that little "friendly" animal.... It's owners fault know,but still.
Because of the wanker like that my younger DD is scared and i can't do nothing about it...fear is a fear... 3 times on different occasions she was jumped up by the dog (once we were running in the park on the path and dog came from nowhere and jumped on her),on his occasion ,owner was really lovely,but damage was done.
Dog should be let to play and run,but owners are the one responsible for them...bottom line....i am not supposed to be jumping in front of my dd just because owner is irresponsible...it would equal something like ----you are walking in the park and i start to bully you not only verbally but physically...would you like it if i knock you down the same way many little kids are...and then my DP will come and say to you not to worry i am just very bouncy and friendly person.......Xmas Angry
RANT OVER.....

ageperfect · 30/12/2011 09:04

i agree with zest0.1......well said....

Sirzy · 30/12/2011 09:10

Lol best bauble good luck teaching a 2 year old to do that!

OrmIrian · 30/12/2011 09:18

ageperfect - children are animals, so are adult humans. Not sure what that argument has got to do with anything Confused. If you are trying to say that humans have rights that animals do not, I quite agree with you, but this age-old MN argument isn't about the rights of 'dogs' it's about the rights of one set of humans to do something that another set of humans doesn't like. One of the many things that some people do that other people don't like. Like dropping litter, smoking in public, playing their music too loudly......it's no different. It's about lack of consideration for others - and sadly dog-owners don't have the monopoly on that.

OrmIrian · 30/12/2011 09:21

Agree with you potty. Having owned a dog for 6m, and been without one for much longer, I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times a dog I don't know has run up to me and jumped up (in 46 years). Even less for my kids (much to their disappointment). I guess there must be areas of ASBO dogs-owners and we don't live in one.

mousysantamouse · 30/12/2011 09:22

yanbu - at all
my ds is also very scared of dogs but is getting better, he knows the rules (keep still and show the dog your back). most dog owners we meet on the school run know about the fear and are very nice and sensible about it. unfortunately some are not and going to the park is sometimes not nice.

disclaimer, I don't dislike dogs, could never have one due to allergies. but I really dislike arrogant irresponsible dog owners described in the op.