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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask dog owners to keep their "friendly" dog away from my toddler?

232 replies

CultureMix · 29/12/2011 00:10

Happened again today, we were out for a walk with my two boys (2 and 4), when a big dog bounded along, with the owner miles behind, and charged right up to the boys. Not in an aggressive manner, more just curious, but had DS2 leaping into my arms screaming in fright and DS1 clinging onto my legs.

The owner called out from a distance "oh he's friendly it's alright". No it's not alright, you can tell my two kids are scared, the little one is hollering in terror. Come and get your mutt away right now... grrr.

I'm not against the right of anyone to walk their dogs nor even saying they should be on a lead (this was a local park so perfectly ok to let dogs run). And yes my boys haven't grown up used to dogs as we don't have one at home. But when it's obvious the dog is scaring the children, don't just laugh it off and make no effort to a) fetch the dog asap -that means run not stroll- and b) apologise. How would you like it if a huge creature the (relative) size of a donkey came galloping up to you looking like you'd make a tasty snack?

It's the "he's friendly' that drives me crazy, like that excuses anything and should of course reassure the children, or indeed guarantee that nothing will happen....

OP posts:
Morloth · 29/12/2011 06:28

I think it is perfectly rational for a small monkey to be afraid of a large wolf.

YABU though, what I have learned is that hardly any of the dog owners on MN believe that dogs can be in any way controlled and that they should have free run at all times.

Fortunately MN differs from the real world quite a lot in this way, I think it is a mostly UK attitude.

TenaciousOne · 29/12/2011 06:32

Yanbu

It doesnt matter if your children are scared the dog owner should be with his/her dog when it is interacting with children especially. However, running to the dog like you suggest would be counter productive as the dog would invariably get excited.

Ishtar2410 · 29/12/2011 07:03

DD is wary of dogs. She never used to be - my mum has dogs and she was always fine with them, plus with any others she met.

That was until two boxer dogs bounded up to her, herded her, jumped up at her and frightened her. The owner shouted - from a distance of a couple of hundred yards away, 'oh don't mind them, they're friendly enough'. Yeah...if you aren't 4 years old and they aren't as big as you and jumping at you.

The owner was not apologetic in the slightest and laughed it off. Whenever we see a dog now DD cowers behind me (she's 7 now) - and she has little to do with my mum's dogs either. It's given her a real wariness.

OP: YANBU.

MackerelOfFact · 29/12/2011 07:03

I'm torn, really. I would never intentionally neglect to restrain a dog around a small child, especially if I thought the dog would be interested in enthusiatically greeting the child. But conversely, if I am walking in the park, my mind might not be 100% on spotting potentially frightened toddlers before my dog does, because other people's accompanied children are not generally my primary concern.

Parks are places you can reasonably expect to see both dogs and children. Surely it's the responsibility of the owners of both creatures to make sure they respect and expect each other?

Dustinthewind · 29/12/2011 07:13

As I've said before, if dog owners and dog lovers don't act to solve a problem that the majority of them don't recognise or understand, then the dog fearers and dislikers and haters will. Eventually.
When I was a child, there were very few restrictions or objections about dogs. They were subject to very little legislation and few rules.
That has changed, dogs not in playgrounds and on a lead for certain areas or at certain times of the year is quite common in many areas now.
Keep scoffing and mocking, and those children who have been afraid of the poorly controlled dogs they have come into contact with will grow up to be the parents of tomorrow. And the rules and regulations and restrictions will grow.
Do you want the law to become that dogs are muzzled and leashed at all times outside the home? That compulsory insurance is attached to dog ownership to cover liabilities incurred? For strays to be seized and destroyed within 48 hours? For the problems to be solved by other people who do not prioritise the animals' needs above the nuisance and distress they cause at whatever level?
Because that is likely to be what happens over the next 30 years.

TroublesomeEx · 29/12/2011 07:18

OP, YANBU.

I've always taught my children how to behave around dogs - not squeal/run up to them/grab them... Whenever they went to approach a strange dog as toddlers I always explained that they shouldn't because the dog might not be used to small children running up to it and it might be scared... I've never once made the connection that the dog might be 'nasty' or bite them. They've both had a respect for dogs since babies.

However, at 4, DS was run at and knocked over in June by a large dog on a beach which said no dogs off leads between May and September at any time. I ran over to him to help him, the owner just carried on strolling and when I shouted at him that the dog should have been on a lead as per the sign, he just shrugged and waved the lead he was holding at me. DS was on the floor with a large dog standing over him.

He was so upset by it, I've never been able to reduce his fear. We don't have a dog, we don't know anyone with dogs, that's just it. Damage done. And he's had so many similar incidents of strange dogs running and jumping up at him (but it doesn't matter because "they're friendly") that he is just terrified of them.

I can accept that children and dogs will meet, and if we're in the park, I do take the attitude that children and dogs will and should be there. I also think it's pretty obvious which are the owners who do respect the fact that other people (children and adults) don't want their dog jumping up at them and I always thank people for any effort they make to restrain their dog when we are passing.

QueenOfAllBiscuitsandMuffins · 29/12/2011 07:20

"my mind might not be 100% on spotting potentially frightened toddlers before my dog does, because other people's accompanied children are not generally my primary concern."

You're right your right mind shouldn't 100% be on spotting potentially frightened toddlers it should 100% be on watching what your dog is doing or about to about to do and reacting to that (which funnily enough might include frightening toddlers)

itsallgoneabitMrBloom · 29/12/2011 07:50

I dont let my dog jump up at children or other dogs, he has been jumped on and attacked twice by dogs that the owners did not have on a lead and were unable to control.
I came home from work and my neighbours 4 year old dc was in my garden kicking him and he was just stitting there taking it (thank god!) knowing that he was not allowed to do anything to a child. Her parents had no idea where she was and what she was up too Shock.

He is a lovely huge well trained black labrador; after spending time with him my dn who would cross the road to get away from dogs now loves him and his fear of other dogs has reduced.
My dc (3 and 5) know not to touch strange dogs but are forever getting jumped on by other peoples with the usual "dont worry its friendly".

I think that children and dogs need to know how to behave around each other and that is down to the owner or parent.

MrsCampbellBlack · 29/12/2011 07:58

YANBU

My DD loves dogs or at least used to (she's 2) until a dog bounded on to our drive as she was about to get in the car and jumped up at her and knocked her over - 'oh she's just friendly' said the dog walker.

I did say to him - well if you'd just been knocked over by an animal that was bigger than you - not sure you'd see it as being 'friendly'. He did then look a bit shamefaced - no apology though.

However have also encountered lovely dog owners who've taken the time to show my dc's the best way to approach and stroke their dogs.

So am not anti-dogs but it is annoying when people do not control their dogs and I think most responsible dog-owners agree with that.

AnotherMincepie · 29/12/2011 08:10

YANBU. Of course dog owners should apologise profusely if their dog comes charging up to someone or jumps on them. It's just bizarre how they never apologise Confused

Sirzy · 29/12/2011 08:22

I struggle to see how the children being scared of strange dogs bounding towards them is the ops fault for "allowing" them to be scared rather than the owners fault for not controlling them!

NinkyNonker · 29/12/2011 08:24

Dd is 16 months and due to our having 2 dogs she isn't scared of them, but is wary of any dogs which aren't ours which we're pleased about. However on Boxing Day we were out for a walk and a half cut chap came bounding up with a huge juvenile dog on a lead, he could barely control it and it was leaping, pulling and rearing up. They came round behind us on and right up to dd who was toddling along, so close I had to move her back or she would have been knocked over.

I was then berated by said chap as his dog was friendly and just a bit over enthusiastic, and I would make her scared of dogs. I pointed out the two dogs with us, one larger than his and said that I wasn't about to let her get knocked down by being head butted by his dog, and that we obviously weren't precious around them or we wouldn't have two of our own. (DH was there, he had been a few paces ahead and as en route back.)

Chap said the dog was a puppy and very strong, hard to control. I pointed out that wasn't my problem, and I had no issue with his dog bar its proximity (still leaping up at her and slobbering), I would just rather he didn't let it get right in my toddler's face, ta very much! DH and the dogs were back by this point, being cheerfully patted by dd (the dogs, not DH) so the chap just mumbled and got towed off.

My first encounter with a slightly naive dog owner!

TroublesomeEx · 29/12/2011 08:29

This So am not anti-dogs but it is annoying when people do not control their dogs and I think most responsible dog-owners agree with that.

This YANBU. Of course dog owners should apologise profusely if their dog comes charging up to someone or jumps on them. It's just bizarre how they never apologise

and this I struggle to see how the children being scared of strange dogs bounding towards them is the ops fault for "allowing" them to be scared rather than the owners fault for not controlling them!

Megatron · 29/12/2011 08:30

I get really pissed off when a dog owner blames a parent for 'making' their child scared of dogs. We have two dogs which DS does and always has adored. When he was 2 a dog much bigger than him, jumped at him in the street and knocked him into a fence. He needed 6 stitches on his back. THAT'S why he's still shit scared of strange dogs, aged 7, NOT because I 'smothered him'. I try very hard to help him with his fear and it's bloody hard sometimes. At the time the dog owner ran up saying 'oh don't worry, he's harmless'. Fucking irresponsible twat.

Grumpla · 29/12/2011 08:35

YANBU.

If people say "Ooh, don't worry, little Slavering Hound is ever so friendly!" when it has terrified my DS, I tend to pick him up and respond "well, I AM NOT!" and that usually does the trick.

I would never let my DS run at or scare an animal, particularly one that is smaller than him, I fail to see why dog owners can't exercise the same control.

I was attacked by a dog as a teenager and am working hard not to transmit "irrational" fear of dogs to DS (eg fear just of being in the same place as a perfectly well behaved dog) but being scared of a fucking huge dog racing towards you at face height is not irrational!

misdee · 29/12/2011 08:36

yanbu

i am a dog owner of a big bouncey lab x.

as i know his recall is crap, (a work in progress), he doesnt go off lead and doesnt bound up to people as he is on lead at all times. in parks he is on a long line.

if people ask if they can pet him, i say yes but do tell them he is excitable and may jump (the last month he hasnt so slowly getting there).

small children seem to think he is sweet as he looks like a giant teddy bear, but i do have to ask the children not to fuss him without asking.

misdee · 29/12/2011 08:37

folkgirl i do say sorry if the hound jumps up unexpectadly at anyone.

Triggles · 29/12/2011 08:38

We have always told our children that you cannot approach a strange dog without first obtaining the owner's permission. And whenever we are walking by someone else's dog (as we have a dog as well), we always remind them "you never ever go near or touch another dog without asking their owner first." We make it clear that the other dog doesn't know them and may not like being touched by someone they don't know. Or may be feeling poorly or tired, and not want children near them. and so on... so that the children understand that it's not to be afraid of the dog, but to be respectful of it.

By the same token, I expect dog owners to keep their strange dog away from my small children as well. I don't care if the dog is "really friendly" or "boisterous" or "just excited", nor do I want to hear how the dog "would never hurt a fly." I'll make sure my children respect your dog's space, provided you do the same regarding my children.

Surely, it's not that complicated to understand, is it?

MothershipG · 29/12/2011 08:40

I've been on both sides if this one Blush. When my DC were little we didn't know anyone with a dog so they were not comfortable around them and one day were seriously scared when a tiny, fluffy thing came racing up to them in the park, they didn't know what it's intentions were!

Move on a few years and the kids are ok with dogs now, having been to a lovely childminder with a Nanny dog aka Staffie (they really are fab with kids!) I finally get to have a dog of my own and (cute a fluffy as she is) I swore I would never let her run up to other children.

Unfortunately she loves kids Smile so once or twice she did spot them before me but I would get her back on lead and in a sit asap, apologise profusely and offer a chance for a firmly controlled interaction if the kids/adults wanted it.

whomovedmychocolate · 29/12/2011 08:40

Ah now that explains the other thread Hmm

My kids are nervous around unknown dogs (note the unknown) and partly it's because DS gets asthma when exposed to their fur and so we don't associate with them but yes I get scared when large dogs dash up to my vulnerable smaller humans too.

I was attacked by a bull mastiff when I was a kid - for no reason other than I was in the street. Why would I not be nervous around dogs.

If you don't want to be treated like you are taking a random wolf for a walk, use a lead. You clearly need one if your dog is running up to random children and scaring the bejesus out of them.

SardineQueen · 29/12/2011 08:42

YANBU I think that if a dog has run up to anyone and they are indicating that they really don't want it on them then the owner should remove it. Rather than standing a mile away shouting "oh don't worry she won't bite you" or similar and not making a move to get the dog away at all/

SardineQueen · 29/12/2011 08:43

My toddler got knocked over flat on her back by a dog that ran up and jumped at her once. It then stood there with its front paws on her chest. Did the owner apologise? Take a wild guess.

I don't understand it TBH.

AnotherMincepie · 29/12/2011 08:45

"So, would you be happy for my children to rush up to your dog and jump on it?"

Sirzy · 29/12/2011 08:48

I wonder if these dog owners fail to realise they are probably why the children are scared of dogs!! If something bigger than me came running at me it would leave me pretty scared!

Dustinthewind · 29/12/2011 08:54

I have tried to point out to various people on these sorts of threads that I have a huge hairy teenager. He gets suspicious glances from some people just when he's walking past them, especially at night.
Imagine if he ran up to your child, picked them up, threw them in the air a few times, roaring 'THIS IS FUN! YOU ARE SO LOVELY I COULD EAT YOU!'
Then licked them and ran off.
Would it bother you, owners of indiscriminately friendly dogs?
He's big enough to do that to most adult females...