to ask dog owners to keep their "friendly" dog away from my toddler?

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Happened again today, we were out for a walk with my two boys (2 and 4), when a big dog bounded along, with the owner miles behind, and charged right up to the boys. Not in an aggressive manner, more just curious, but had DS2 leaping into my arms screaming in fright and DS1 clinging onto my legs.

The owner called out from a distance "oh he's friendly it's alright". No it's not alright, you can tell my two kids are scared, the little one is hollering in terror. Come and get your mutt away right now... grrr.

I'm not against the right of anyone to walk their dogs nor even saying they should be on a lead (this was a local park so perfectly ok to let dogs run). And yes my boys haven't grown up used to dogs as we don't have one at home. But when it's obvious the dog is scaring the children, don't just laugh it off and make no effort to a) fetch the dog asap -that means run not stroll- and b) apologise. How would you like it if a huge creature the (relative) size of a donkey came galloping up to you looking like you'd make a tasty snack?

It's the "he's friendly' that drives me crazy, like that excuses anything and should of course reassure the children, or indeed guarantee that nothing will happen....

If only all dog-owners were like Toody, instead of assuming (wrongly) that everyone will be simply delighted to have their dog approach them.

I don't think dogs can do no wrong, and my dog is never off the leash if there's people about (not that he bothers anyone anyway, but just in case).

I just think it sounds like a bit of an over reaction. Far better for you to tell them not to be scared if you could see the dog wasn't aggressive.

I do think it's off of the dog owners to be so far away from their dog though.

It's not about smothering your child - we all know that.

But it has to be made out to be this, to make the owners of bounding dogs feel better about themselves and their general lax attitude.

YANBU at all. Common courtesy from the dog owner should be expected and rightly so. I have 2 dogs (pugs would you believe from my username!) one of which gets very very excited for 5-10 minutes when we have visitors. I explain this to any visiting friends, most who have kids. Forewarned is forearmed so they say. Said pug isn't huge but is a chunky bugger and could easily knock over a small child....
I had the misfortune of dogsitting a friends german shepherd earlier this year. Only 6 months old but HUGE. I nigh on shit myself every time he barked and made sure I stayed well away from parks as I didn't know him well enough to trust.

Should big bounding dogs be barred from being off leads in parks?? Even the fittest owner (not me!) would struggle to keep up once Fido sees a couple of kids and wants to say hello.... Common sense all round needs to be applied. Most dog owners don't let dogs with an aggressive streak off the lead but then how often do you see on the news a dog has turned nasty and (allegedly!) this is the first time?

I get big dogs coming up to me and I don't want them jumping and messing up my clothes so a stern 'don't you dare!' often prevents this and then I change tone and say hello to the dog and its owner....

Unfortunately situations a described by the OP must be a daily occurrence and unless in a zone where dogs aren't allowed I don't think there is an answer!!!

YABU

And I say that as someone with a 4 year old who is terrified of dogs. She's also scared of pigeons, but I can't do much to stop them flying over her head.

Animals of a fact of life and it's important to learn how to deal with them so that you don't feel scared if you happen upon one.

Thank you slinking. My dh allthough loves our dog is terrified of other dogs he was badly bitten as a child, he hates it when dogs run over to our dog we always shout to owners to call dog away and I am suprised how often other owners will not call dog.

We used to have a dog that was very nervous of other dogs and would become very barky and was likely to go for another dog if it came too close. He was a rescue and we had worked with him but only got so far. He was fine as long as other dogs didn't race up to him and I can't tell you the times we would be walking along in the park (one with notices saying keep your dog on a lead) with our dog on a short lead and a random dog would race up to him - he'd get upset and be barking and we'd be trying to keep him and the loose dog apart (they never seemed to take a hint!!) while a distant owner would be saying - "it's ok he's friendly"!!

I never understood why they didn't look at the situation and realise that perhaps our dog wasn't friendly!! We had a few bad situations, one where I lost my balance trying to keep dogs separate and fell over while pregnant (i was ok).

In the end it became too stressful and we avoided parks and just did street walks which was a real shame.

We have a dog in our street that is often left loose and is protective of it's house so will run up quite close to you barking aggressively and worse so if you are with a dog. We have reported it to dog warden but it is still regularly out on its own.

Very frustrating!!!

YANBU we don't own a dog and have tried really hard to chat to DS about doggies when walking through the park and will stop and stroke friendly dogs where we know the owners or have spoken to them in the past. But he is still nervous and tbh it's prob for the best until
he's older.

Can you believe I saw a group of chavs young lads walking a Staffie a couple of months back through our park, the dog was holding a baby annabelle type doll in it's mouth?!? WTF?! Was having great fun tossing the doll up into the air and gnawing at it's limbs. Was pretty chilling.

YANBU

But can I also put a plea out to people? I have a very bouncy Lab. I have spent a lot of time training him not to jump up. Yesterday he got a bit enthusiastic and sniffed a dog owner's small child.

I apologised and the dog owner sought to show his child (who was not bothered at this point) how friendly my Lab is by winding him up until he jumped up at the fool. Cue his DS very upset.

I have the opposite problem. Small children bounding over to my even smaller dog just to be friendly and distressing him. I wish parents would keep their 'friendly' toddlers away from my dog.

YANBU. Two little yappy dogs recently ran upto my son (2.2 years) jumped all over him and were all up in his face. He just stood there and screamed. The owner just laughed and said "They're only babies!" Well as far as I'm concerned that's no excuse. Surely teach them from a young age not to jump up at people?
He's now pretty weary of dogs when he never used to be. He is slowly getting less freaked out, but I guess it's always good to be a bit weary as you never know how a dog will react.

When my 2yr old is frightened of a boundy dog I pick her up and reassure her. Not smothering just normal parenting. I love dogs and I know small kids grow out of being scared with more experience of dogs and their behaviours. Yanbu.

YANBU. Dogs should be under control.
My DD does not like strange dogs bounding up around her. She does not scream but she hates it. She has grown up all her life with a very bouncy Lab. A very bouncy Lab who in all her 11 years has never been allowed to run up and scare any children or adults!!! I made sure I that she had excellent feckin recall before I let her off the lead in a public place.

OP here. I certainly don't smother my children and do try to ensure they are relaxed around dogs. Their gran has a wonderful dog whom they love, they have friends with dogs and again are comfortable with those too. I try to give lots of positive cues and encouragement and certainly not instill a fear of dogs, and generally the boys are ok albeit wary with strange dogs. DS2 loves pointing out every dog we pass in the street and those (on leads) are fine. Most dogs racing around in the park are fine too - but not those that charge towards my sons at max speed.

For this particular incident I did try to play it down and calm the children but there was nothing I could do about their initial reaction. But the owner said nothing after the initial "he's friendly", just walked past and waved her dogs on .

I do think it'll improve as they grow up, for one the size ratio will balance out and they will be better able to stand their ground. But while they're little it's an unsettling experience and I do wish some dog owners were more considerate.

The thing is though, no matter what the reason is for the child being scared, they are. A human person should be able to leave their house and not be scared, if it can be avoided - if my child was terrified of dogs, I would avoid the 'dog areas' that are set aside in some parks, and would gradually help them be happy with dogs in friends houses, on leads outside and so on. A great big friendly dribbly dog (I grew up with one) coming running at that child would set them back.
Getting a dog is a responsibility to the dog and to society - it is not fair on anyone to encourage a dog to behave in a way that looks intimidating. You may know they are harmless, but it looks different to a stranger. If you have a 'running up to strangers' dog, you need to exercise them where they can't do that - your own grounds, a dog area or wherever.
It is part of having a dog, like part of having a motorbike is not revving the engine in the middle of the night.

As a dog owner jumping into the fray....

We have Border Collies. Those of you who know the breed, know that they can be very "full on" dogs. One of our bigger boys is fairly young, VERY bouncy, friendly and "in your face" - new people and he's beside himself with excitement. If we take him to a park or a public place and he's off-lead, he "likes" to charge up to people and say "hello" to everyone. That means if he is not supervised, he is like the "big bouncy dog" that the OP describes. (just to give context for my POV, IYSWIM)

BUT as responsible dog owners, we appreciate that not everyone likes a super excited Border Collie who is desperate to say hello. So he is trained and under control at all times. He has superb recall and we can stop him at a long distance (think other side of a football pitch) from charging up to people or other dogs/animals, in that he skids to a halt and trots back to us. That is being responsible.

HOWEVER - at the other end of the spectrum, we also have a collie bitch who is so highly strung, she panics with strange people. If I tell people with children in the same park to NOT approach her (she is usually on a lead), it IS NOT OK to say "oh my child is fine, he/she likes dogs" and let the child approach. I don't give a shit - my dog doesn't like your child.

It works both ways.

I don't like dogs very much - I don't wish them any harm, but if they all vanished overnight my grief would be containable.

I do think they should be under control; it's hardly the same as worrying about pigeons! Pigeons might also be a 'fact of life', but the worst they're likely to do is shit on your head.

I have taught my dc not to be alarmed by strange bouncy dogs, who are unlikely to be actually dangerous, just owned by some wally who can't control them; but I've also taught them that they should be wary (don't pat without owner's permission, some dogs aren't good with kids & may snap etc).

So if something the size of a bison comes bounding up, they are quite sensibly going to recoil a bit. & I am quite reasonably going to ask the person supposedly responsible if they can remove the animal which is making a nuisance of itself.

& that also goes for lovely, friendly dogs with muddy soup plate sized paws & drooling jowls. I'm sure he wouldn't hurt a fly, but I'd rather he kept his distance...

My brother developed a phobia of dogs when a 'friendly' one chased him across our local park when he was about 3. He was running, the dog thought he was playing and ran after him, and my brother was terrified he was about to be attacked. Before that he was fine with dogs - after, he was a quivering wreck around them for quite some time.

About a year later we were all in the park again, I was about 2, and a big dog came running up to me, put its paws on my chest, and knocked me over. It was 'being friendly' but that didn't stop the fact that I had been physically knocked over by it. My parents picked me up and the dog owner came over saying, "it's alright. He wouldn't hurt her." To which my dad replied, "Hurt her?! He's just knocked her over. Of course he's hurt her!" Apparently my brother was whimpering and making more fuss than me at this point so my dad added "I've already got one child who's terrified of dogs because of an incident like this. I don't want another one!"

YANBU

I agree that good recall should be in place before a dog is let off the lead. However you do need to do your best to get your children over the fear of dogs, they are everywhere. For the first time ever sniffer dogs were being used even my local, small train station. Interestingly enough the crime figures for carrying drugs and knives are down in my area, over the Christmas period.

The best thing for the dog owner to do in a situation of a dog being near a frightened child would be not to react and certainly to not go running towards them, but to calmly wave them on.

For those saying that they wouldn't care if the dog population disappeared overnight, there are lots of situations were people's lives have depended on working dogs and none working dogs.

It is usually dog walkers who discover murder victims in the woods etc.

But my dc aren't scared of under control dogs at all - they will approach them & ask the person in charge of the dog if it's OK to pat them. No problem with sniffer dogs, or any well-trained dog on or off the leash.

They are (& so am I) a bit wary of great lolloping animals, no owner in recalling distance, that might knock them painfully flying out of over-exuberance. Or just might be the very rare dog that's likely to take a chunk out of you.

I personally could quite well cope with never again encountering any sort of dog - doesn't mean that I don't acknowledge that they're important to other people, & you've got a point re: working dogs.

That said, if I'm ever murdered in the woods, I'm not too fussed whether my remains are discovered by someone's pooch scenting them or not. I'm assuming that it'd be a reaction driven by wanting to eat me, so perhaps not that reassuring in terms of general doggy loveliness!

ds1 is fine with dogs. ds2 hates it when they come bouncing over to him. ds2 likes the dog if the owner has control of the dog ie. hes on a lead or they are holding the dog by its collar. this way ds2 is able to get used to the dog before the dogs jumps all over him.
I'm not that a great fan of dog owners who can't be bothered to pick up the dog mess or let there dog run up to my stuff on the beach and let the dog wee on my bags but that is a different thread!

My ds is terrified of dogs. I take him to see dogs. Take him riding at a farm where dogs roam free. He is fine with dogs he knows. If he doesn't know the dog, he's terrified. He is autistic I'm nit sure if that'd why but dogs running at him is what caused the fear in the first place.

My children are older, but I remember when they were at the 'bouncy' age, before they'd learnt recall & I had to keep stopping them from running up to scared dogs, putting their huge toddler feet on the poor collie/lab, knocking them over, drooling on them, before running off to come back to me with the tibia of a murder victim.

Hard work, and the First Aid certificates they later got just never really made up for it!

My eldest loved dogs as a small child and I had to teach him not to approach them, even if they looked friendly. They are animals after all and how can a small child be expected to tell if they are friendly or not going to be scared of him? He was allowed to pat if the owner was there and said it was ok.
My youngest was terrified after being knocked over by an uncontrolled dog.
I think if I can keep my children from jumping on random strangers, or nipping them, then you should have the same consideration with your animals.

"My children are older, but I remember when they were at the 'bouncy' age, before they'd learnt recall & I had to keep stopping them from running up to scared dogs, putting their huge toddler feet on the poor collie/lab, knocking them over, drooling on them, before running off to come back to me with the tibia of a murder victim."

We cross posted but I love this :o