To tell you about my fcking inlaw bollockses

[Tortington]

Im not doing it again. so i don't know what i'm going to say or do next year exactly, but im not doing xmas again.

listen to this

about three weeks ago sil was kinda saying how her house was too small (they are moving in januaryto a bigger rented place which is what we were talking about) we always alternate xmas dinner - this year it's their year and she said this exactly ' i don't know how we are going to fit everyone in here' so i said
' well you can always have it at ours - lbut let me know soon as the oven is broken and we will get it fixed if you are'

LAST THURSDAY sil was at my house and said '.....well when we are eating here on xmas day....'
'erm...we are having xmas day at my house?' says i?
' well...yes you offeed'
'oh ok' you cook the meat and roasters and i'll do the rest then as i haven';t got a cooker

so that's the scene

its not an unusual scene this - oh no - this is one of many benign neglect, thoughtless, passive aggressive incidents that i am sure ..nay positive all lie in some sibling insecurity - which in itself is laughable as PIL overtly favour BIL in the THE most awful shows of favouritsim that would make you gag - you wouldn't believe it if it was on tv. you really couldn't make this shit up

so xmas day.
lets do the thoughtless gifts and non gifts.

i buy mil vouchers for her fave store
fil whiskey
bil - some man smellies - nowt much tbh
sil - perfume

bils dsd aged 18 some smellies
sil/bil son aged 10 - a rocket science thing - a real rocket that you can set off

they buy me the cheapest regifted smelly set that was clearly not new
dh a t-shirt

my three kids 22 and twins 18 - nothing - not even a box of £2.20 roses

mil and fil buys dh and me nothing
buys my ldest son - nothing
biys the twins - a box of roses each

my eldest son for some reason is too old to have £2.50 spent on him at xmas

in and of itsself in an isolated incident one could brush it off - but this is 22 years of thoughtlessness.

so thoughtless and inconsiderate are they towards my children that my children REFUSED to spend xmas day with them - they are all adults and two have left home now, so they made their choices and
...i then spent xmas dinner and night without my childrenbecuase my inlaws are so fucking mean and clearly favouritise bils children

so out of two couples two of my children got one box of chocolates each after they declared they were having xmas dinner at my house the last minute

..............it gets better

no ones reading this at this point but i have to write it down becuae i hate them

DD and her partner went to partners family for xmas dinner, i said that i would drive them.

sil had previously said that they were coming to mine about 2pm

dd then asked me to pick up her partners mum on the way - the trip was further than i had thought it was going to be and took ages.

i arrived home at 2.30 - through no fault of my own

i then walked in to the whole family sat down to xmas day dinner without me

they came early and even dh didn't say 'hold on lets wait'

by this time i am fuming, pissed off , hurt andd angry.

then
then
then
the men

oh you wont believe the mysoginy -
the men play the wii
sil hints and hints
her daughter says shes bored
the mil says nothing
i have a go - but try and talk to the girls to keep them company - be a good host and all that

after this going on for literally hours

i take sil in kitchen, we sit on kitchen side and pour ourselves a drink and put the radio on

as soon as bil cottons on - fuck me he's all 'ooh were going now' quell surprise
cos sil can't have a good time

fuck them

theres no question or response needed to this tome of sprew ridden vitriol

im just going to come straight out with the fact that im not doing xmas but will visit boxing day when it comes up

Custy - they have spectacularly missed the point and so has your DH.

DH needs to understand why you feel the way you do, it's not just a matter of a box of chocolates and them eating before you FGS. He made it seem petty when he said to them what he did and they made it sound like you were (as you said) 'the fraught unstable one' which is so far from the truth it's not even funny. Maybe he needs to read your OP?? You have to sort things out with him.

As for the rest of them - forget them. Literally. Let DH deal with them (or more than likely forget to) but you shouldn't buy another card or present for any of them nor spit on them if they're on fire.

Once you have sorted things out with DH, give it a month or so then start making plans for what you want to do next Christmas. Organise it. DH can join you or go elsewhere, that is his choice, but make it very clear that you will not be doing anything to host his family next year, nor buying presents etc that is his responsibility/problem.

Look at what you do at work, look at what you say on here, look at who you actually are and do not let this bunch of bastards grind you down until you feel like an unstable wreck of a child.

YOU are worth more than that and you need to remember that.

Good for you Custy! If they dont like then tough.

yes will do. might book a couple of days away in europe somewhere. - always fancied going to berlin actually.....

As I said earlier - start planning now.
Pre-prepared responses and all that good shit.
I will mentally be cheering you on for next year.
"Go Custardo"!!
I speak from nearly 25 years of Christmas Shenanigans.
I host every year - it has never been as you describe but that is purely down to good luck that my very annoying and unbearable MIL spoils everybody whilst pontificating on every man and his dog - but my parents are grounded and sensible people. More fool them. .
They cast sideways glances at MIL when she utters her more outrageous comments (usually racist bigoted claptrap) and sit with "tutting" faces.
It makes for some "interesting" chit chat
This has the added value of embarrassing DH and appalling my parents. My DC (grown up and with their own minds) usually end up creased up with laughter at MIL.
I quaff sherry and let it all wash over me.
I don't quite know how I have managed this long

thanks - i will

im looking at hotels in berlin - but can't find flights from gatwick on the 23rd grr

found a lovely hotel too

i think this is the future

See, what I don't understand about Xmas in-law horror stories is a) did they used to be kind, thoughtful and generous but had a huge personality transplant on Xmas eve and b) why does your DH allow others to treat you like crap.

I just think its a bit weird that so many posters on here have slaved to make wonderful food and bought fab gifts for people they must already know will not appreciate or reciprocate the effort.

Not having a go custy but if you leave the house at peak lunch prep time and return later than your own specified lunchtime then I think its to be expected they will start without you.

The presents all sound a bit odd, did they used to buy your kids good stuff?

ah the lunch timing - yes this was mentioned earlier too.

anything oven related was brought to our home by sil and bil and pils. anything hob related was prepped and cooked by dh (note not me - dh always does majority of xmas dinner)

now there is no nigella shit that goes on. this is basically a roast dinner.

sil brought a heated serving tray thing - like something you would get in a restauraunt, you turn it on and each deep tray keeps things warm.

the things that were brought from their oven to my home were cold when they arrived. there was no hurry to eat -whilst-warm or anything.

all the prep in my home by dh was done at 9-10 am. all the potato peeling, carrot peeling sprout peeling....basically it was peeling.

i part boiled some things so that everything would come together at the same time when we turned them on

gravy = meat juices and bisto
stuffing = paxo

the only food dilema was the potatoes and soggy mash. - as i had part boiled them, they wouldn't have taken very long to boil and so - quite frankly i don't know what the fuck dh was doing turning it on and cooking them - but he did and his argument is based on this point - that the mash would have been soggy if he didn't serve- and i let him have it becuase i can't argue any more i feel drained.

they said they would be arriving at 2pm

i was late and i arrived at 2.30 pm

at no point did i think that they would arive and eat in one fluid like motion

they actually arrived earlier than planned

and i thought they all would have had the good grace to wait. and my thought process is to always turn this around and think what would have happened if...if it was my dh
if it were bil

we would have waited

---

the presents -the value of the presents is not the issue.

the very first thing mil said to me when ww went to have a word was 'we can't afford more expensive presents'

not the point they didn't buy one of my children ( all adults now btw and they dont give a shit AT ALL) a box of chocs you can pick up for under 2 quid. but i care, i care very much that they come into my home and 'forget' or 'dont bother' or say

...one of my adult children is too old to be thought about at xmas - but the other two adult children are not ....it makes no sense.

they left out one person for the price of 2 quid - just one person

to compound this bil, sil, dsneice(adult) and nephew came into my home and bought them nothing at all.

then they LATER said they 'forgot'

they should have...if nothing else done it for their own son, to show him that they thought enough of his family.

shit or no presents was just one componant of a day of thoughlessness and rubbishness.to single out each componant is to water it down

Stop buying any of your Inlaws presses, Custardo. Your DH should do the lot of HIS family and if he doesn't then any acrimony should fall on his shoulders, not yours.

Sorry you had such a crap Xmas.

Fuck them Custy. Sorry you had such a crap time. Don't do it again. Just do Christmas for who you want to. Sorted. Cheers.

Custy - it all boils down to their total lack of thought, care and consideration for anyone other than themselves. They are a bunch of selfish, self-centred pricks who probably coerced your DH (although he's not blameless!) into starting the dinner early because they were complaining of being "starving".

But they are still a bunch of selfish bastards and you owe them nothing. So give them nothing. Not a thing, no presents, no cards, no thoughts and no invitations - they're not worthy.

Sadly I'm not sure their behaviour can be put down to thoughtlessness. It is so hurtful as to be almost calculated.

i wish they were calculated - it would almost make it better than just simply not caring

Thoughtless twats.

Yes it will become your fault. FIL gets all northern on your ass eh? Well that makes life easier then. When the digs and twattiness starts up next year and you get asked WHY you don't want to do Xmas with them, don't bother to try the reasoning and discussion and all that FLUFFY bollocks, just say 'I don't want to do Xmas together because I quite fancy having a nice FUCKING time for a change' and leave it at that. And start relishing your role as grumpy unreasonable cow who actually gets to tell it like it is.

What a bunch of arseholes.
What I don't get is that Christmas is hardly sprung upon you as a surprise - fuck me I 'forgot' to buy presents but then again I've only known about Christmas since, well, last Christmas.....

When you look at the effort people go to to make presents months in advance if they can't afford to buy them (and if they can, too) and the hand-wringing that goes on over social niceties and do I bring something to say thanks or is it too much? Etc etc. There is just no excuse, they must know it.

TBH I wouldn't wait until next year to say you're not doing it again, you'll go soft in the interim and your dh will discomfit you into submission long before the day. Say it NOW while they think you're a loon and keep saying it as though it's a done deal.

Clearly a dysfunctional family where your PIL have your DH marked out as the one that can be treated badly and that then extends to his wife and children. Your DH will actually struggle to see them in their true awfulness as he is so used to them...placating them is always his first thought and he'll just assume you want to placate them too.

Dump the lot of them, they will actually get worse as the years pass. Your children see the whole thing clearly and did the right thing by buggering off.

Don't let them make out that it is your fault, they do this as they know you feel guilt an emotional they do not experience ever. Nasty selfish people always ALWAYS find nice, kind, considerate people and treat them like shit. Like bullies always find a a victim who won't stand up to them.

Get rid of them!!!!

Come the NY Custy, I think you & DH need to have a chat & then start the brainwashing for next year.

" We're having a lovely quiet Christmas on our own with the DC's thanks but you can all visit Boxing Day afternoon & we'll have a buffet tea"

Nearer the time give them a list of what needs bringing as contributions to the food/drink.

Stick to it, they'll kick off but you deserve better.

Happy New Year!

i just wanted to book next year already so it's done but i can't find anything!

yes will tell them its not happening at all

we had xmas last yr on own own and family boxing day it was lovely,this year we were guilt tripped into have pil again as bil & sil wont host them,we always every year end up with all the family here on boxing day,we buy everything,pil gave us £25 and fil drank most of the beers,he moaned dh wasnt drinking,ermmm thats cos yet again he is doing all the driving so cant! 3 boxes of beer we got and by time dh did get to have a beer 6 bottles were left,kids pointed it out that dad hadnt had any and fil was well i went half of them,ermmm of but you have have had over 2 boxes worth,boxing day i ended up going up to my room as bil,dh,fil & my boys played on ps3 que the shouting and screaming at anyone who walked past the tv,bil seems to think its ok to swear at my kids but god forbid i did that to his girls(which i wouldnt anyway) fil puts it down the the area we live in,cos its a rough estate ermmm yeah ok!

custardo

Cruise??? You can book those pretty early IME.

Perhaps book a cottage somewhere remote over xmas and new year? We just spent a couple of days in the New Forest and loads of people were doing that?

ddubs - sounds to familiar - much sympathy.

becarooo - thanks - great idea -just looked at cruises and much too expensive unfortunatley.

dh and i don't do alone and isolated very well - we need structure. i do anyway, i am alone in my own home all day every day

I really hope you get something sorted for next year...they sound like truly awful people

Fucking hell that was a Christmas and a half!
I think you should kill them. I maintain that Christmas provides mitigating circumstances and you'll get away with it.

Can you just....erm....lie???

Just say you are going away then after xmas say you didnt go due to:
adverse weather
illness
cancellation
act of god

????

I wouldnt normally advocate lying but they sound such awful people, I am totally fine with it!!!!

Prices for hotels and flights are prob not avail yet - try againin a few months and get inquick! Berlin will be lovely over christmas, go early on and take in the xmas markets.

Check travel republic .co .uk