Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell you about my fcking inlaw bollockses

182 replies

Tortington · 26/12/2011 20:10

Im not doing it again. so i don't know what i'm going to say or do next year exactly, but im not doing xmas again.

listen to this

about three weeks ago sil was kinda saying how her house was too small (they are moving in januaryto a bigger rented place which is what we were talking about) we always alternate xmas dinner - this year it's their year and she said this exactly ' i don't know how we are going to fit everyone in here' so i said
' well you can always have it at ours - lbut let me know soon as the oven is broken and we will get it fixed if you are'

LAST THURSDAY sil was at my house and said '.....well when we are eating here on xmas day....'
'erm...we are having xmas day at my house?' says i?
' well...yes you offeed'
'oh ok' you cook the meat and roasters and i'll do the rest then as i haven';t got a cooker

so that's the scene

its not an unusual scene this - oh no - this is one of many benign neglect, thoughtless, passive aggressive incidents that i am sure ..nay positive all lie in some sibling insecurity - which in itself is laughable as PIL overtly favour BIL in the THE most awful shows of favouritsim that would make you gag - you wouldn't believe it if it was on tv. you really couldn't make this shit up

so xmas day.
lets do the thoughtless gifts and non gifts.

i buy mil vouchers for her fave store
fil whiskey
bil - some man smellies - nowt much tbh
sil - perfume

bils dsd aged 18 some smellies
sil/bil son aged 10 - a rocket science thing - a real rocket that you can set off

they buy me the cheapest regifted smelly set that was clearly not new
dh a t-shirt

my three kids 22 and twins 18 - nothing - not even a box of £2.20 roses

mil and fil buys dh and me nothing
buys my ldest son - nothing
biys the twins - a box of roses each

my eldest son for some reason is too old to have £2.50 spent on him at xmas

in and of itsself in an isolated incident one could brush it off - but this is 22 years of thoughtlessness.

so thoughtless and inconsiderate are they towards my children that my children REFUSED to spend xmas day with them - they are all adults and two have left home now, so they made their choices and
...i then spent xmas dinner and night without my childrenbecuase my inlaws are so fucking mean and clearly favouritise bils children

so out of two couples two of my children got one box of chocolates each after they declared they were having xmas dinner at my house the last minute

..............it gets better

no ones reading this at this point but i have to write it down becuae i hate them

DD and her partner went to partners family for xmas dinner, i said that i would drive them.

sil had previously said that they were coming to mine about 2pm

dd then asked me to pick up her partners mum on the way - the trip was further than i had thought it was going to be and took ages.

i arrived home at 2.30 - through no fault of my own

i then walked in to the whole family sat down to xmas day dinner without me

they came early and even dh didn't say 'hold on lets wait'

by this time i am fuming, pissed off , hurt andd angry.

then
then
then
the men

oh you wont believe the mysoginy -
the men play the wii
sil hints and hints
her daughter says shes bored
the mil says nothing
i have a go - but try and talk to the girls to keep them company - be a good host and all that

after this going on for literally hours

i take sil in kitchen, we sit on kitchen side and pour ourselves a drink and put the radio on

as soon as bil cottons on - fuck me he's all 'ooh were going now' quell surprise
cos sil can't have a good time

fuck them

theres no question or response needed to this tome of sprew ridden vitriol

OP posts:
BellaVita · 26/12/2011 22:00

Flaming hell Custy, that is so shit Sad

You need to set your stall out now for next year, just so they know you ain't going to do this again.

MrsSnow · 26/12/2011 22:00

Copy and mail this to yourself with a note to read in December 2012 Wink

BlatherskitesInFairyLights · 26/12/2011 22:07

You can do it Custy. DH and I have decided that next year we're having Christmas on our own for the first time ever - if we can do it, you can.

Start saying it now and by December, it'll be so 'known' that no one will argue.

I wouldn't bloody argue with you and I'm taller than you! Xmas Wink

OldMumsy · 26/12/2011 22:10

Custardo have a old crusty mumsy hug xxxx

Original poster
Tortington · 26/12/2011 22:11

thanks xxx

i'll try

OP posts:
2rebecca · 26/12/2011 22:12

Does your husband not realise that you are also "other people" when he wants to put other people first?
I was cooking xmas dinner for relatives but I still expected my husband to put my happiness before that of my guests' and vv.
I think you should have said "no, I said we'd have xmas dinner if our oven was fixed and it isn't" to SIL. End of discussion. I'm not sure why you didn't.
The year we didn't have an oven we went to a hotel. There is no way anyone would have manipulated me into staying at home, especially if that meant my kids wouldn't come.
Why couldn't SIL et al go to the inlaws? Next year don't offer anything.

gallicgreetings · 26/12/2011 22:20

There's this really good little word that's quite easy to say once you've practised a bit....NO....start saying it now and you'll have it down pat by next December.

Xmas Grin

A beach holiday also sounds good.

BastedTurkey · 26/12/2011 22:21

What a bunch of knobbers Custy, no wonder you were planning to wreak havoc on MN tonight, I would have been doing that yesterday to them

dontrememberme · 26/12/2011 22:21

what a bunch of rude wankers.

So next year, say oh sorry we havent got room now our 3 are older & all have partners who all want to come to dinner... but we are free for boxing day if your inviting us over... theyll be 8 of us!

Original poster
Tortington · 26/12/2011 22:24

rebecca Mon 26-Dec-11 22:12:56
Does your husband not realise that you are also "other people" when he wants to put other people first?

nope

I think you should have said "no, I said we'd have xmas dinner if our oven was fixed and it isn't" to SIL. End of discussion. I'm not sure why you didn't.

becuase im a weak willed lettuce

Why couldn't SIL et al go to the inlaws?
the inlaws travel 300 miles and stop wil bil and sil

Next year don't offer anything.
i'll try

OP posts:
lurkinginthebackground · 26/12/2011 22:27

Custy- I will go away with you.
I am currently sat here alone.
Ds is on his xbox.
dd1 sleeping at my mums
dd2 in bed
dh is still out. He went at 2pm. I am trying not to get angry. He went out yesterday, for a drink, I dropped him off, he asked if I could pick him up and then drop him off somewhere else. This is Christmas day. I said no I am doing the dinner and I am going to have a bloody drink seeing as though I DO Fucking EVERYTHING. He came back at 2pm yesterday.
Yes I will definately go away to somewhere warm, there might be less chance of me wanting to stab the fucker then.

itsstartingtofeelalotlikexmas · 26/12/2011 22:29

Agree with everyone else
It nerds nipping in the bud
Why do you have to alternate Xmas with inlaws?
You should be with your kids
Book a restaurant

dontrememberme · 26/12/2011 22:29

lurking - put xlax in the turkey leftovers, hes sure to come in with the munchies & raid the fridge.
A lovely little revenge leaving him sitting in the loo all night... oh & take the loo roll out of the bathroom too.

Original poster
Tortington · 26/12/2011 22:31

you n me lurking, maybe lockstock and blathers

lets do it

OP posts:
zipzap · 26/12/2011 22:38

Hmmm. Funny how 'Christmas means thinking about other people and putting them first meant ignoring or forgetting about you OP and doing exactly what your dp wanted to do - bet he was perfectly happy serving up roast without you and playing the wii...

lurkinginthebackground · 26/12/2011 22:40

The thing is he tried his best to make me feel bad for refusing to come and pick him up, mid-way through cooking the Christmas dinner, and take him to another pub!
I don't have any laxatives or else that would be very tempting Don.
Yes the sound of the sea lapping against the shore is sounding very appealing now.

blackeyedsanta · 26/12/2011 23:25

Hmmm. Funny how 'Christmas means thinking about other people and putting them first meant ignoring or forgetting about you OP and doing exactly what your dp wanted to do - bet he was perfectly happy serving up roast without you and playing the wii...

my thoughts exactly zipzap!

custardo, you have a real way with words. your dh was really unthoughtful and mean not to wait for you.

Sillyoldelf · 26/12/2011 23:38

Don't ever do it again custardo be strong . I point blank to ever be with my in laws for Christmas or to shop for them for Christmas . It's taken a lot of stress. It doesn't stop my DH ballsing it up though . I feel like putting him in a shed for the whole of Christmas next year . I might take him a morsel or two of food .

ViviPrudolf · 26/12/2011 23:46

It IS hard, but it can be achieved without confrontation. I decided 3 years ago that hell will freeze before we spend Christmas with the PiLs ever again. We never told them as such, but just became evasive if the topic came up, made concrete alternative plans and were just polite but firm, and would not be drawn into any discussions about it.

For this approach to work though, your DH needs to be onside. You just have to be calmly unequivocal in your insistence to him that this is how you feel. And to do that, you have to really believe it yourself. Decide NOW that you will not put yourself through this again. Really mean it, to the point where you accept that if it means spending it alone, then so be it. I found the thought of being alone preferable to putting myself through Xmas with the PiLs, and once DP realised I was damn straight, he knew it wasn't negotiable. The last three Christmases have been blissful.

Oh good luck, custy.

Original poster
Tortington · 27/12/2011 00:08

thanks viv, i will, i will state this as the thing, i might take the bull by the horns and state nicely that im not doing xmas day but will visit boxing day.

or i might just disappear on my own for a few days - but i think that would need more xplaining.

zipzap - you are absolutley right - he has made me feel so unreasonable acutally - and i argued and argued till my eyes were sore and i was weary and tired.

whilst he had his head in his hands saying things like 'well merry fucking xmas' to make me feel guilty.

OP posts:
ViviPrudolf · 27/12/2011 00:11

Yes, we see them the weekend before, its somehow more bearable without all of the pomp and ceremony of the 'big day', boxing day would probably work in the same way.

Try and get some kip and things will be clearer in the morning. We get a whole new day tomorrow Smile

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 27/12/2011 00:12

Fuck it. Lets all do what WE want next year. Why should we have a shit Christmas day when we all pretty much do our best for our families all of the time. I am definitely having a plan b next year and this time I am gonna stick to it.

TheSkiingGardener · 27/12/2011 00:23

What a load of wankers. Custardo, you are lovely and you are strong. If you feel like a lettuce in front of them it's because they have trained you to be that way.

Shake off your limp leaves and replace them with some cojones. That'll give them a fright when they start lettuce-whipping

I may have drunk too much, but you know what I mean!

CatPussRoastingByAnOpenFire · 27/12/2011 00:43

I fucking hate Christmas! Its all a load of bollocks. It causes nothing but trouble and misery and it should be fucking BANNED! I've done the whole family thing more times than I can count, and I'm not doing it any more. One of the others can do all the work! You have my utmost sympathy, and I for one would also do the beach with you at the drop of a hat! {{hugs}}

CatPussRoastingByAnOpenFire · 27/12/2011 00:44

P.s. I know how you feel, my dad always reduces me to lettuce status. It's pants!

Swipe left for the next trending thread