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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell you about my fcking inlaw bollockses

182 replies

Tortington · 26/12/2011 20:10

Im not doing it again. so i don't know what i'm going to say or do next year exactly, but im not doing xmas again.

listen to this

about three weeks ago sil was kinda saying how her house was too small (they are moving in januaryto a bigger rented place which is what we were talking about) we always alternate xmas dinner - this year it's their year and she said this exactly ' i don't know how we are going to fit everyone in here' so i said
' well you can always have it at ours - lbut let me know soon as the oven is broken and we will get it fixed if you are'

LAST THURSDAY sil was at my house and said '.....well when we are eating here on xmas day....'
'erm...we are having xmas day at my house?' says i?
' well...yes you offeed'
'oh ok' you cook the meat and roasters and i'll do the rest then as i haven';t got a cooker

so that's the scene

its not an unusual scene this - oh no - this is one of many benign neglect, thoughtless, passive aggressive incidents that i am sure ..nay positive all lie in some sibling insecurity - which in itself is laughable as PIL overtly favour BIL in the THE most awful shows of favouritsim that would make you gag - you wouldn't believe it if it was on tv. you really couldn't make this shit up

so xmas day.
lets do the thoughtless gifts and non gifts.

i buy mil vouchers for her fave store
fil whiskey
bil - some man smellies - nowt much tbh
sil - perfume

bils dsd aged 18 some smellies
sil/bil son aged 10 - a rocket science thing - a real rocket that you can set off

they buy me the cheapest regifted smelly set that was clearly not new
dh a t-shirt

my three kids 22 and twins 18 - nothing - not even a box of £2.20 roses

mil and fil buys dh and me nothing
buys my ldest son - nothing
biys the twins - a box of roses each

my eldest son for some reason is too old to have £2.50 spent on him at xmas

in and of itsself in an isolated incident one could brush it off - but this is 22 years of thoughtlessness.

so thoughtless and inconsiderate are they towards my children that my children REFUSED to spend xmas day with them - they are all adults and two have left home now, so they made their choices and
...i then spent xmas dinner and night without my childrenbecuase my inlaws are so fucking mean and clearly favouritise bils children

so out of two couples two of my children got one box of chocolates each after they declared they were having xmas dinner at my house the last minute

..............it gets better

no ones reading this at this point but i have to write it down becuae i hate them

DD and her partner went to partners family for xmas dinner, i said that i would drive them.

sil had previously said that they were coming to mine about 2pm

dd then asked me to pick up her partners mum on the way - the trip was further than i had thought it was going to be and took ages.

i arrived home at 2.30 - through no fault of my own

i then walked in to the whole family sat down to xmas day dinner without me

they came early and even dh didn't say 'hold on lets wait'

by this time i am fuming, pissed off , hurt andd angry.

then
then
then
the men

oh you wont believe the mysoginy -
the men play the wii
sil hints and hints
her daughter says shes bored
the mil says nothing
i have a go - but try and talk to the girls to keep them company - be a good host and all that

after this going on for literally hours

i take sil in kitchen, we sit on kitchen side and pour ourselves a drink and put the radio on

as soon as bil cottons on - fuck me he's all 'ooh were going now' quell surprise
cos sil can't have a good time

fuck them

theres no question or response needed to this tome of sprew ridden vitriol

OP posts:
PenguinsAreThePoint · 27/12/2011 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

molepomandmistletoe · 27/12/2011 10:53

I'm gobsmacked. What a bunch of utter cunts.

Glad you are not going to do this again, I wouldnt TBH and just keep saying that we have already made plans and arragements every time they ask again.

quirrelquarrel · 27/12/2011 11:59

Are you Carol Ann Duffy :o

WelshMoth · 27/12/2011 12:14

Custardo, if you were local to me, I'd have you round here for a glass of baileys.

Seriously, massive sympathies, YA so not BU. The rest of them ARE. How thoughtless of them all.

Next year has to change, you can't do this again. Print this off and put it in your diary. Read it every few months to stay strong. I second the idea to text them at the end of Summer 2012 to say that Christmas 2012 will be a small, thrifty affair and for them not to bother with any gifts. Then spend all your pennies on spoiling you and yours.

Your DH needs a font up the rear too - where are his loyalties Xmas Angry?

Lots of Wine for you.

Gay40 · 27/12/2011 12:27

Mantra for 2012: I will not spend time with people I hate.
And repeat.

DillyTinsel · 27/12/2011 12:59

Aww custy, sounds shit! Just don't do it next year.

Original poster
Tortington · 27/12/2011 13:06

cheers everyone Sad

i simply cant get it out of my head and so will do that steam kettle thing and say something when i see them tomorrow.

i keep repeating a 'pretend' conversation and planning it out in my head. i went to bed doing it and i woke up doing it.

im really fucking miserable and woke up in tears today. i mean who actually wakes up and bursts into tears at the thought of the coming day.

i've just had enough of bloody everyone, the kids, dh all of them.

your posts have been a tonic, thank you

OP posts:
FellatioNelson · 27/12/2011 13:10

You need some gin with that tonic. here you are > Wine

molepomandmistletoe · 27/12/2011 13:11

You need to kick DH out for the day, tell him he's taking the kids with him, run a hot bath, grab a bottle of wine and a good book, get into bath and dont fucking move for the rest of the day.

Later get a takeaway - YOUR FAVORITE.

You really, really need a day to yourself for once.

bringbacksideburns · 27/12/2011 13:13

Go out on your own and visit friends today and stop crying - leave him to it.

I would be more angry with your dh than anyone else tbh. You knew they were twats before they came. Don't buy them anything next year - or some boxes of Roses.
He is not thinking of you or your christmas at all.

Thumbinnapuddingwitch · 27/12/2011 13:15

Custy, you're "inner you" is rebelling - it really wants to shout and scream at them all what a bunch of selfish buggers they've all been and how dare they be so fucking mean to you!
Listen to your "inner you" - do it. [evil Xmas Grin]

I like molepom's idea as well.

MABS · 27/12/2011 13:29

Custy - I am horrified to read this, truly disgusted with dh, it totally unacceptable. You know i am always up for a baileys with you in RL and you know where i am so just text me (that said, bit shit here as FIL taken to hospital xmas eve so am a bit tied up) much love xx

Sidge · 27/12/2011 13:31

CheerfulYank your parcels would be quite safe.

I would only do the chocolate surprise for people that have REALLy pissed me off Xmas Wink

CuriousMama · 27/12/2011 16:17

I'm sorry I really would be doing time now if that happened to me.

noddyholder · 27/12/2011 16:18

Custy this is awful. Have you sat him down and really told him how awful it has made you feel? No one needs this esp at Xmas. They sound totally selfish Sad

Original poster
Tortington · 27/12/2011 16:23

now look what you made me do...

talked to dh for about an hour - awefully upset and then we went to bil in laws house where they were all sat. i bottled it and dh said " custy is terribly upset becuase you didn't buy ds1 anything and that bil didn[t buy any anything, also that xmas dinner was started without her"
i then butt in ...crying at this point "im just so upset at the thoughtless ness and i am a grown woman and you have reduced me to feeling like a child

at which point....

fil gives me a hug

Shock

and there was a discussion about it not being their intention and how we aren't going to fall out about it

Shock

so the future is that it will be all my fault in their heads - BUT... they will have heard me and think on next year /

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 27/12/2011 16:25

Xmas Hmm Well if it washes with you then fine?? So you are going to go through it all again then? Good luck!!

Katisha · 27/12/2011 16:26

So what explanation DO they have for their behaviour then?

FellatioNelson · 27/12/2011 16:27

Oh well done Custy. I hate awkward confrontation too, and I still think they were incredibly rude and mean, but you handled it fantastically and it's so much better to have these things out in the open, and it's great that everyone behaved like civilised adults though they still need whipping.

MABS · 27/12/2011 16:29

not a chance i would have them over next year, no way! but if it works for you hunny then that's good. Does dh see how he cocked up too?

Original poster
Tortington · 27/12/2011 16:31

oh no wont be doing xmas again, but regarding the presents for their grandchildren - they might thnk on

OP posts:
noddyholder · 27/12/2011 16:35

You think you have problems? Dp has man flu I am going to kill him

Original poster
Tortington · 27/12/2011 16:37

crikey! ill people at xmas not what you need
xx

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 27/12/2011 16:44

Well done then.

Aww noddy poor dp Xmas Wink

noddyholder · 27/12/2011 17:28

Definitely don't invite them next year. They should return the favour to you and make it fantastic after this. Families and xmas just don't always go to plan!