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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell you about my fcking inlaw bollockses

182 replies

Tortington · 26/12/2011 20:10

Im not doing it again. so i don't know what i'm going to say or do next year exactly, but im not doing xmas again.

listen to this

about three weeks ago sil was kinda saying how her house was too small (they are moving in januaryto a bigger rented place which is what we were talking about) we always alternate xmas dinner - this year it's their year and she said this exactly ' i don't know how we are going to fit everyone in here' so i said
' well you can always have it at ours - lbut let me know soon as the oven is broken and we will get it fixed if you are'

LAST THURSDAY sil was at my house and said '.....well when we are eating here on xmas day....'
'erm...we are having xmas day at my house?' says i?
' well...yes you offeed'
'oh ok' you cook the meat and roasters and i'll do the rest then as i haven';t got a cooker

so that's the scene

its not an unusual scene this - oh no - this is one of many benign neglect, thoughtless, passive aggressive incidents that i am sure ..nay positive all lie in some sibling insecurity - which in itself is laughable as PIL overtly favour BIL in the THE most awful shows of favouritsim that would make you gag - you wouldn't believe it if it was on tv. you really couldn't make this shit up

so xmas day.
lets do the thoughtless gifts and non gifts.

i buy mil vouchers for her fave store
fil whiskey
bil - some man smellies - nowt much tbh
sil - perfume

bils dsd aged 18 some smellies
sil/bil son aged 10 - a rocket science thing - a real rocket that you can set off

they buy me the cheapest regifted smelly set that was clearly not new
dh a t-shirt

my three kids 22 and twins 18 - nothing - not even a box of £2.20 roses

mil and fil buys dh and me nothing
buys my ldest son - nothing
biys the twins - a box of roses each

my eldest son for some reason is too old to have £2.50 spent on him at xmas

in and of itsself in an isolated incident one could brush it off - but this is 22 years of thoughtlessness.

so thoughtless and inconsiderate are they towards my children that my children REFUSED to spend xmas day with them - they are all adults and two have left home now, so they made their choices and
...i then spent xmas dinner and night without my childrenbecuase my inlaws are so fucking mean and clearly favouritise bils children

so out of two couples two of my children got one box of chocolates each after they declared they were having xmas dinner at my house the last minute

..............it gets better

no ones reading this at this point but i have to write it down becuae i hate them

DD and her partner went to partners family for xmas dinner, i said that i would drive them.

sil had previously said that they were coming to mine about 2pm

dd then asked me to pick up her partners mum on the way - the trip was further than i had thought it was going to be and took ages.

i arrived home at 2.30 - through no fault of my own

i then walked in to the whole family sat down to xmas day dinner without me

they came early and even dh didn't say 'hold on lets wait'

by this time i am fuming, pissed off , hurt andd angry.

then
then
then
the men

oh you wont believe the mysoginy -
the men play the wii
sil hints and hints
her daughter says shes bored
the mil says nothing
i have a go - but try and talk to the girls to keep them company - be a good host and all that

after this going on for literally hours

i take sil in kitchen, we sit on kitchen side and pour ourselves a drink and put the radio on

as soon as bil cottons on - fuck me he's all 'ooh were going now' quell surprise
cos sil can't have a good time

fuck them

theres no question or response needed to this tome of sprew ridden vitriol

OP posts:

OnemorningXmasCockMonkey · 27/12/2011 00:54

Custy, that's bollocks. I feel for you.

Someone upthread mentioned emailing yourself in 12 months time. Have you seen www.futureme.org ? You could email yourself in 10 months (or 6 months, or whatever) and avoid the hassle. And buy yourself some pressies in advance.

((Custy))

Heleninahandcart · 27/12/2011 00:54

OP that has to be the very, very last time you anything for the cunts. Yes cunts. As for your DH serving up the dinner you cooked in your absence, tell him to grow a pair and deal with his family. He also needs to develop some some respect for his wife.

Next year, you say no and mean it. If this doesn't seem likely, tell DH you are all going away where you will be putting your feet up.

Original poster

Tortington · 27/12/2011 00:58

that future e-mail is fucking awesome

thanks again every one

OP posts:

Gay40 · 27/12/2011 02:01

As much as I love my parents, I would not, on pain of death nor boundless reward, spend Christmas with them. It's a recipe for disaster and murder.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/12/2011 02:30

"they buy me the cheapest regifted smelly set that was clearly not new"
Well that's MIL's (or SIL's) present sorted for next year, isn't it? And your DH's balls will look lovely hsnging from your tree. on your behalf Custardo.

2rebecca · 27/12/2011 04:36

Is this a recent marriage? The only reason I can think of for your inlaws ignoring your adult kids is that they are from a previous marriage so aren't actually their grandchildren.
I would have told an adult child to find their own way to relatives Christmas morning if I had people round for dinner. You are either hosting xmas dinner at your house or you aren't. If you are it takes priority over ferrying adults to other houses at lunch time. I think you didn't want to host xmas lunch and should have firmly said so instead of half doing it. Even if the trip took longer than expected you left the house at 1 when expecting guests for dinner at 2 which seems mad to me for a non emergency.
Your inlaws still sound unpleasant though. I would leave their present buying in future to your husband.

Jacksmania · 27/12/2011 04:46

Here, have some more wine and another ((((HUG)))).
Now, can I take them to my house and throw them off my roof? Since I don't give a flying fuck what the neighbors think. If anyone asks, I'll just tell them " oh don't worry, they're not my relatives".

:o

But :( for you.

Jacksmania · 27/12/2011 04:58

Custardo. Look, please take this in a well-meant and supportive way but if it's inappropriate feel free to rip my head off I've been on MN for around three years now and yours is one of strong, no-nonsense, take-no-bullshit voices on MN.
How come you're, in your words, "a lettuce" in RL?
I can't get my head around it.

CheerfulYank · 27/12/2011 05:19

Aw, Custy. :(

iscream · 27/12/2011 05:49

Custardo, get your dh to read this. I cannot believe that they started eating before the hostess returned. The food would have been just fine. Hot gravy dumped over top would have fixed cooling meat etc.
They were very rude.

I would never host those people again, ever. They are inconsiderate, self centered, unfeeling and horrible grandparents. No wonder your kids hate them.
Nope, next year it is you, your kids, and your dh... if he apologizes enough to deserve it. He helps cook and the kids do the clean up.
Sorted.

iscream · 27/12/2011 05:50

And get your cooker fixed right away. Too bad you can't send the in-laws the bill.

FellatioNelson · 27/12/2011 06:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nooka · 27/12/2011 07:18

It all sounds really horrible and I'm sorry you had such a shitty time. Why don't you ask one of your sons if next year you can have Christmas at one of their houses (with or without our dh). Or book to go on holiday?

It sounds to me that you find it hard to say 'no' to your family or put yourself first - why were you driving your dd about or buying your ILs presents (isn't that your dh's job, and why buy them anything nice when it sounds like they have been pretty horrible for years). I have to admit I really don't understand the logistics of your Christmas day, as surely the last hour is when most of the cooking happens?

MrsMuddyPuddles · 27/12/2011 07:40

Next year: "DH I've thought about what you've said with Christmas being about other people, so I've booked us all in to feed Christmas dinner to the homeless." Said in mid Dec, in front of MIL.

JosieZ · 27/12/2011 07:46

There is a book by Harriet Lerner called the DAnce of Anger and it describes family scenarios and how you could or might react.

V good for someone needing to learn how to stand up for themselves.

I see you can get it for 0.1p on Amazon and you might find it an interesting read Custardo.

DisTwinkleyMincePies · 27/12/2011 07:51

Custy, does your dh put you first at any time of year?

You poor love. They treated you in such an unkind and unthinking manner and that's the thing that always pisses me off - the unthinkingness (not a word, but still ykwim).

Thoughtlessness. That's the word.

Honestly, I'd get them each an individual Roses chocolate and wrap it fucking beautifully. Like a box from Tiffanys. Just to see their faces fall.

Thumbinnapuddingwitch · 27/12/2011 08:19

Custy - look at it like this. Next year NONE of your DC will want Christmas with your ILs - so there's NO POINT having it at your house for just you and your DH next year - you might as well go away or something.

Very for you that you had such a shitty time - next year will be different.

Consider taking an Assertiveness Course to learn how to say No. Remember that No is a complete sentence and learn how to use it, especially to your nearest and dearest (including your Adult DC who requested the lift on Christmas Day - they are Adult enough to get themselves where they need to go!) Practise saying No at every available opportunity NOW so that by the time the holiday (are you mad, woman? ) comes around, you will be able to say it with relative ease, and next Christmas will be a doddle.

Practise saying it to your DH as well - if he's going to put you bottom of the consideration pile, you need to push yourself up it - he'll learn.

Chin up - MN will stand behind you and help you stay firm!

Purdicles · 27/12/2011 08:50

Hilarious! You poor thing! Sod the lot of them I say. Challenge yourself to buy them the most spectacularly shite presents next year I can recommend car boots for some really crap stuff (I'm thinking dodgy ornaments and the like) and then if you absolutely have to spend Christmas with them you can enjoy watching their reaction.

Fluffycloudland77 · 27/12/2011 09:15

Ok here's what you do.

Book a hol abroad somewhere cheap and warmish eg Spain.

Ta da! You could go as a couple or family but you need to start telling dh now that you are not doing Xmas with them again, not nastily just a calm "that was the last time".

They find this more scary than shouting because they can't dismiss it as anger, which men like to do. "oh it's just a hysterical over emotional woman".

I didn't do Xmas dinner this year, just me and dh. I made it quite clear from boxing day last year that I was not doing it. Afaik his family survived.

BlatherskitesInFairyLights · 27/12/2011 10:08

Ooh oh, pick me Custy. I'll come and spend Christmas at Fellatio's with you!

skybluepearl · 27/12/2011 10:22

Start now - send a little note thanking them for their company on xmas day and state very nicely that you plan to have a quiet Xmas with just you and your kids next year. Then over the summer text saying that you are planning only to do gifts for your kids/hubby only as you are on an economy drive at the mo. Then make it your dream Xmas with you special family. Talk to your kids about what would make it special for them and maybe even do a secret santa instead of lots of little gifts.

skybluepearl · 27/12/2011 10:24

Or you could tell your IL's the truth about your kids not wanting to spend Xmas with them - and firmly say that you won't be repeating it again as it's not on.

MissMarjoribanks · 27/12/2011 10:33

and I'm left with the clean up too

the cunts

Made me laugh more than anything else on MN this year. Thanks Custy.

I know we have never met but I would kill to join you and a load of MNers social smoking somewhere hot rather than Xmas with my in laws. We have been here for nearly 72 hours now and I am slowly losing the will to live. They have been lovely, apart from pretending I don't have a job but they are totally and utterly dullsville.

FourThousandHoles · 27/12/2011 10:36

Your dh sounds like an arse custy

I think you have to do that thing where you have a word with yourself, think about what you'd say if it was a mate in this situation and take your own advice.

Becaroooodolf · 27/12/2011 10:39

hmmm...my fleecy housecoat with scottie dogs on and dh's musical xmas tree from PILs are looking pretty good now custy

Sorry it was so shit.

Go away next year and dont buy gifts - or get them a goat from oxfam.

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