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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have taken most of my nearly 4 year old'sDD's Christmas presents away

184 replies

Pinkiemum · 26/12/2011 19:49

And some of her other toys as she scribbled all over a mouse mat we had made to send to my father for his birthday. It had a photo of her and her baby brother on it and now I have had to order another and hope it arrives in time so I can send it to Australia for his birthday.

She was actually being punished at the time for being naughty and should not have been doing anything apart from sitting on the naughty chair in the study. (The reason we took the other toys is we don't think she will really notice the loss of her Christmas presents having only had them for one day)

OP posts:
herbietea · 26/12/2011 20:24

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HowlingBitch · 26/12/2011 20:25

I think she understands what she has done wrong. Ofcourse she does though I doubt she will understand this punishment. I'm a grown woman and I don't understand it.

pinkappleby · 26/12/2011 20:25

It sounds like the whole situation with her behaviour has escalated over the past month. Take a deep breath and start again. Explain that the family wants to be happy with less shouting and punishments and then try and focus on anything she does good, no matter how small. Keep punishments small and consistent. I would carry on with a naughty corner/step but you have to put in the effort to make them do their time with no distractions. If she won't co-operate with the corner I would say a small punishment like 1 story not 2, a favourite toy away, not doing craft etc better than a big one as they have the same impact. In the last resort I have put my DS on a mat and told him to call me when he is ready to be good.

Being a 'helper' as a punishment for half an hour works well too in this house, basically they have to help with any tasks I am doing whenever I say, this is a game but gets everyone happy again.

I'm not going to say YABU because it is flipping hard to see the big picture with bad behaviour and no sleep!

Thebrighteststar · 26/12/2011 20:25

To be honest I think your expectations of a three year old however advanced she may be are far too high and your punishments far too harsh.

D0G · 26/12/2011 20:26

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pantomimecow · 26/12/2011 20:27

I don't think shje is too young to know.A 4 yo at school will most definitely be expected to know that it is wrong to draw on other children's work, tables, mousemats etc.
However rather than punishing her, i would have explained to her the situation she has created.How now her grandad won't have a present in time for his birthday and how sad that makes you feel.

verytellytubby · 26/12/2011 20:34

She's 3. Totally OTT. Poor mite.

bigshinydinosaur · 26/12/2011 20:35

Wow, talk about Scrooge!!

YABVVVU!!

RomanChristingle · 26/12/2011 20:38

I don't know any 3 yos that don't know the difference between paper and a mousemat either although I agree no Xmas presents is massively excessive.
I am shocked that some people are suggesting a 3yo needs constant supervision though.

squeakytoy · 26/12/2011 20:40

chunkythighs Mon 26-Dec-11 20:17:25
Why didn't you go the whole hog and tell her that there is no such thing as santa?

They weren't your toys to take from her op

oh for heavens sakes with that last sentence! a parent is in charge, a parent has every right to dish out punishment, and confiscate toys if they so wish!!!

culturemulcher · 26/12/2011 20:42

You've got a young baby, it's Christmas and your exhausted. I think you may have over-reacted a bit. You're right, a 4 year old should be able to be left with pens and know not to draw on anything but paper that's there for that purpose and I can well understand how angry and annoyed you must have been...

BUT it sounds as though your daughter's got a lot on her plate as well, coping with the excitement of Christmas, a new brother, and tired and possibly grouchy parents as well as school and friend complications. Perhaps she's doing a little bit of that old fashioned concept - attention seeking? Perhaps needs to be cut a little bit of slack and given some extra cuddles and reassurance?

Maybe tomorrow you could have a quite and calm chat with her about how upset / angry you were and about how you know she's generally a very good little girl who of course deserves all the presents Father Christmas brought for her. Then you can hand them back!

culturemulcher · 26/12/2011 20:42

Usually, not generally.

Original poster
Pinkiemum · 26/12/2011 20:43

I didn't remove all of her Christmas presents and she will get them back she has enough toys to play with and totally understands she has to earn them back.

How many people threatened their children they wouldn't get their Christmas presents if the misbehaved, she was so naughty Christmas eve, we told her if she kept misbehaving she would have her presents taken off her, we have done it before with her toys and she has earnt them back. I don't see the point of threatening a punishment and then not following it through.

I have also been told before that when a child is in time out you should ignore them, how could I do that if I stayed in the room with her while she was being punished.

Yes I know she has been through a lot lately, but she does need to learn that no means no, and stop means stop and that she cannot do as she pleases and that bad behaviour has consequences.

OP posts:
namechangerbat · 26/12/2011 20:43

Op, she's 4....Hmm

Ismeyes · 26/12/2011 20:44

YABU, I just couldn't use Christmas presents as a punishment. If she is still naughty, maybe you could cancel her birthday, after all, you've got to hit 'em where it hurts to teach 'em.

I'm guessing that your father would be able to understand that your 3 year old daughter scribbled on his birthday present so it might be late, better than your 3 year old can understand that a new sibling has arrived, she needs to start the big new world of school, its Christmas, she is excited and all her presents have been taken away by her angry parents.

And you want some understanding that you have a lot going on and you aren't getting much sleep. Get a grip OP and make it up to her.

mummytime · 26/12/2011 20:49

I have never taken things away from my kids as punishment, except where it was totally appropriate to the crime eg. ipods when they will not put them away, or balls if thrown in the house. I also found the naughty step never worked for us.
However giving lots of good attention did work. As did time outs when hyper. Also a good use of the word No.

Sorry I do understand you over reacting, and being under stress. But I think you need to deal with your own issues first. If she is being particularily naughty it could be a) feeling neglected with a new baby, b) her age; or probably c) both. My 3 kids all went through a naughty spell at about 4/5.

If she really doesn't notice the present have been taken away then, she has too many and it isn't any kind of punishment.

quirrelquarrel · 26/12/2011 20:50

If she doesn't notice they're gone, what's the point?

OP's not horrible, she can do what she wants with presents.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 26/12/2011 20:51

I am a pretty strict parent.
I do not let my DCs run riot. I am not a hippy dippy parent by any means.

But OP you are wrong. The punishment is wrong because it is OTT and inappropriate.

She is 3. She would not have understood the significance of the mouse mat. She would have known that drawing on it was wrong but not that it was a special, precious object.

I think you could do learning a bit more about child development. Unrealistic expectations of children and the lack of understanding about age appropriate behaviour leads to anger and frustration.

These are best avoided.

thepeoplesprincess · 26/12/2011 20:56

YABU to expect that you can trust a three-year-old with pens unsupervised.

However, YANBU to punish her. Start as you mean to go on.

SeagullsAreLikeThat · 26/12/2011 20:57

OP, if you have the time and the energy, read Bonnie Harris, "When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It". If not now, read it at some point. It makes life with children a lot easier, honestly.

Original poster
Pinkiemum · 26/12/2011 20:57

She is four in three weeks, she helped willingly to put her presents away and she knows she will get them back, if she had done it some othertime I would taken some of her other toys away.

I would never cancel her birthday, that would be mean, her grandparents were here from Denmark and she has been given a lot of attention from them this week, they came when her brother was born and she had three weeks with her grandmother before the bay was born, she will see her again on her birthday.

She has not sat there all afternoon crying for her presents but I understand why some of you think I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 26/12/2011 20:59

Clearly she is crying out for attention since you had your newborn, why not give her some and see how her behaviour changes? It is surely obvious to all those who are not thick she feels left out

pipsqueak · 26/12/2011 21:02

what lovely memories of christmas she will have ...FFS get a grip OP

culturemulcher · 26/12/2011 21:03

you're not your Xmas Blush. I blame the wine.

D0G · 26/12/2011 21:05

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