Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have taken most of my nearly 4 year old'sDD's Christmas presents away

184 replies

Pinkiemum · 26/12/2011 19:49

And some of her other toys as she scribbled all over a mouse mat we had made to send to my father for his birthday. It had a photo of her and her baby brother on it and now I have had to order another and hope it arrives in time so I can send it to Australia for his birthday.

She was actually being punished at the time for being naughty and should not have been doing anything apart from sitting on the naughty chair in the study. (The reason we took the other toys is we don't think she will really notice the loss of her Christmas presents having only had them for one day)

OP posts:
BandOMothers · 26/12/2011 20:08

Mean.

squeakytoy · 26/12/2011 20:09

4 year olds don't get the only on paper unless told x1000!!

I would have thought they should. I did. My stepkids did. My grandchildren do.

BandOMothers · 26/12/2011 20:10

Lady no....this is a real poster.

Original poster
Pinkiemum · 26/12/2011 20:11

So my daughter has been behaving very badly for the last month or so, we cut her a lot of slack because she has a lot going on in her life, new brother, starting school soon ( already had three mornings at school, we do not live in the UK), her friend moving to another country.

We told if she kept misbehaving we would take her presents off her and put them in the loft and we will give them back when she shows us she can behave. The naughty corner does not seem to work and I was in tears when she did this, as I am exhausted as my son kept me most of the night, this was a joint decision with my husband who is also at the end of his tether.

Did not realise their was pens there, there is not normally and did not know my husband had left the present where she could get to it. he put her in the study as she would not do what he asked her to do instead sat there screaming for 20 minutes until he had enough.

I would like to add she does not normally do things like this and knows better, if this makes me horrible I am sorry.

OP posts:
naturalbaby · 26/12/2011 20:11

She's 4. You should have been supervising her. She shouldn't have been in time out within reach of a pen. Therefore it's your fault.

Now go sit on the naughty step, think about what you've done then apologise to your DD.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 26/12/2011 20:12

She is old enough to know that's naughty (though still at that age where self control can be somewhat patchy!!). I would definitely have punished her, but would have picked something that she would have been bothered by such as the loss of playtime in the bath. I can't believe how many people think her behaviour was your fault or to be expected - people are treating (almost) 4 year olds, like 18 month olds - what's with it?

BandOMothers · 26/12/2011 20:12

squeaky I have an almost 4 year old....they KNOW the difference between paper and other stuff but when an urge to express themselves comes over them they dont often stop and think...plus SHE didnt know it was a mousemat did she?

BandOMothers · 26/12/2011 20:13

I would get the toys out again OP...she's been told. (too much for her age)

HeidiKat · 26/12/2011 20:13

Are you planning to give the stuff back if she earns it back with good behaviour? If so then you are still a bit unreasonable and OTT but we have all reacted badly in anger sometimes, if she is not getting them back then you are completely unreasonable and cruel to ruin a little girl's christmas.

chunkythighs · 26/12/2011 20:13

Quit with your crappy excuses!

Her behaviour has changed because her world has changed! Cut her some slack ffs!

You're the adults so teach her about humility and apologise to her!

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/12/2011 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Northernlurker · 26/12/2011 20:15

I think your behaviour is apalling. Give the toys back and stop overreacting. If you want to keep things safe from young children you put them out of the way.

HeidiKat · 26/12/2011 20:16

X posted, fair enough if she is able to earn them back. Sleep deprivation makes everything seem much worse.

LisaD1 · 26/12/2011 20:17

YANBU to punish bad behaviour, however I think YABU in the way you have punished on this occassion.

She is 3yrs old and by your own admission has a lot of things going on in her young life which are all none of her making.

The fact you are exhausted from her little brother keeping you up is also none of her making.

There were 2 adults in the house, one of you could have supervised her or moved the important mouse mat or the pens but chose not to.

She, aged 3, chose not to sit on the naughty step/corner, unfortunately that is often what unsupervised 3yr olds will do.

To take ALL her toys away is imo ott.

I know how annoying they can be, we have a 4yr old too, who has been pushing our buttons for the last week!

chunkythighs · 26/12/2011 20:17

Why didn't you go the whole hog and tell her that there is no such thing as santa?

They weren't your toys to take from her op.

fuzzypeach1750 · 26/12/2011 20:18

Wow! I'd hate to have a mother who did this to me! How bloody mean and petty can you be! Angry what are you going to do when she is older and is really deliberately naughty?!

BlissfulMistletoe · 26/12/2011 20:18

Cut her some slack, there has been alot Of changes in her life.

HowlingBitch · 26/12/2011 20:18

Ok I understand you are stressed and it can be so trying with a 3 year old and it also sounds as if she has had a hard time herself recently. DS is four and I think anyone who has had a toddler will have sympathy but this is a punishment she simply will not understand.

How has she reacted to this?

RomanChristingle · 26/12/2011 20:20

Yanbu to punish her imo. She's nearly 4 not 18 months! DD and all her friends would have known not to do that at that age. I would probably have made dd pay for the mat from her pocket money or something. Removing all Xmas presents is excessive and you haven't really got anywhere left to go punishment-wise if she does something naughtier than scribbling on a present.

malakadoush · 26/12/2011 20:20

OP - you sound exhausted and that is probably why you have over reacted.

You DD is still very young and so this seems a harsh punishment.

My daughter is also being incredibly difficult at the moment and I have tried to stop telling her off and instead focus on the good behaviour - so I've reintroduced her star chart (my DD is 7 btw) - and so I have started to focus more on the positives. I only started this afternoon and already things feel better.b

Maybe this is something you could do?

abbierhodes · 26/12/2011 20:20

That is a very OTT punishment.
I disagree with those who are saying she's too young to understnad though...she's 4. That is not a toddler, 4 year olds go to school and are certainly expected to understand that drawing is for paper.

If I were you, OP, I would sit her down and explain to her that you were very angry, and explain why...because Grandad will be sad without his present. Tell her that she can have her toys back, but give her a more suitable punishment...perhaps take away one toy for a day?

She does need to learn that bad behaviour has consequences, but I think you've gone over the top.

herbietea · 26/12/2011 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ZZZenAgain · 26/12/2011 20:23

I wouldn't take away Christmas presents tbh. I am sure your dad will understand if the present arrives late and appreciate it anyway. I would.

thebigkahuna · 26/12/2011 20:23

"We told if she kept misbehaving we would take her presents off her and put them in the loft and we will give them back when she shows us she can behave"

No no no no no.

Completely inapprporiate 'threat' for a three year old - you shouldn't have threatened that. You've seen it through because you obviously feel you have to be seen to be carrying it out but it sounds completely disprportionate to me.

Why was she on the naughty step in the first place?

RomanChristingle · 26/12/2011 20:23

Do I live in some kind of parallel universe where 4yo's can't be left with felt pens?