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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to sleep with this married man?

507 replies

pumpkincarver · 22/12/2011 22:09

so. Met a wonderful guy, married, no kids. Am on the verge to start an affair, a fling (I'm not sure what yet) with him. I've never felt such strong attraction towards anyone else, hence my strong desire to go ahead.

I'm separated and single.
Am wondering how this rates on Mumsnet's grand moral scale.
Opinions appreciated, and no offence will be taken : )

OP posts:
XmasFayreToMiddlin · 22/12/2011 22:39

This has to be a wind up.

No one can be that thick.

scottishmummy · 22/12/2011 22:39

is this what you envisaged as a wee lassie,snagging a married
the cop a feel with mr married, and hey no one gets hurt

thunderboltsandlightning · 22/12/2011 22:39

No it can't happen.

Where did you get the idea that it could? One of the reasons that people get married is a statement that they aren't going to do this sort of thing to one another.

Are you really happy about helping a man be unfaithful to his wife and tell all sorts of terrible bare-faced lies to her?

P.S. He's not that attractive, you're just not looking closely because you're in fantasy-land.

BandOMothers · 22/12/2011 22:40

No harm? She WILL find out...and she WILL be hurt as will his children.

Why would you? Yack.

Dawndonnathatchristmasiscoming · 22/12/2011 22:40

And if someone ends up suffering, better me than his dw. So, not only do you want to fuck with somebody's marriage, you want to play the martyr too.
Why are you seperated? Did somebody cheat on you?

hatesponge · 22/12/2011 22:40

Pumpkin, unless you are very controlled in terms of your feelings I think that would be impossible.

I could be in this situation. There's a married man I know who is in looks and personality my perfect man. The first time I met him I literally swooned. I feel hugely attracted to him.

I was recently told he has an open relationship with his wife. This is fairly common knowledge apparently.

Now I could easily pursue it, the attraction isn't one way, I know he finds me attractive. BUT honestly what would be the point? There would be a meal, drinks and some (probably very good, he's the type of guy who does everything well) sex. And then what? Repeat the above a few times, til he moves onto the next. That wouldn't be enough for me given how strongly I feel about him, but it would clearly never be any more to him than something casual.

So for me it's a nice thought, but it will never happen. Sounds odd I know, but it's the fact I feel so strongly about him that means I would never act on it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/12/2011 22:41

That could happen. You would still have participated in something deceitful and dirty. The thing I agreement the most is that you get to choose with all the information, so does he. But the wife gets her freedom to code taken away.

You're being really nasty.

slavetofilofax · 22/12/2011 22:42

No, it can't happen. Well, it could, but the chance is miniscule.

You might fall in love with eachother and end up happily ever after, but the wife would still get hurt.

You might fall in love with him while he calls it off and you will get hurt.

He might fall in love with you and you call it off, then he will start treating hsi wife like crap out of resentment and she will end up hurt. Or he will just leave her and hurt her.

You might not fall for eachother at all, but the wife could still find out and get hurt.

There is a possibility that you won't fall for eachother at all, and the wife will never find out, but something in their relationship will still be damaged more than it already is.

He might end up having an affair with someone else if you won't, in which case you get to find out that you weren't really all that special to him in the first place but at least you have your dignity in tact. Wife woudl still get hurt though.

And think about the karma! What goes around comes around.

BloodyWedding · 22/12/2011 22:42

Better I get hurt rather than his marriage- Arf Grin. How about you keep your knickers on and no one gets hurt? You sound about 16.

LittleJennyRobyn · 22/12/2011 22:43

But thats just it Pumpkin i don't think you are hearing what we are all saying.

You need to take off those rose tinted glasses...seriously!

midlandsmumof4 · 22/12/2011 22:43

Anyf...live up to your name and do one.....

MinnieBar · 22/12/2011 22:43

'But what are the chances of us having an intense, unforgettable fling then moving on with our lives without his dw finding out etc?'

Slim to none. HTH.

scottishmummy · 22/12/2011 22:43

I have never been with man who wasn't free be with me
it's called self worth
or not being fed a line or willing to service a married man

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/12/2011 22:44

Autocorrect went crazy. Freedom to choose.

Original poster
pumpkincarver · 22/12/2011 22:44

Dawn, nope, my marriage didn't end because of cheating at all, but because my ex dh is a selfish, irresponsible, violent individual. I don't want to play martyr, just saying that maybe a bit of heartache is the price worth paying for a lovely, passionate fling.

OP posts:
forthetaking · 22/12/2011 22:44

I'd go for it. MM are usually so mad for action they are the best fucks available. I hope he's older then you though. They are the ones that spoil you. You control the shots. They'll never chance being psychos or careless as they have too much to lose. If they were getting the attention they needed at home they wouldn't look elsewhere.

Xmasbaby11 · 22/12/2011 22:44

YANBU to WANT to sleep with him, but you know it's not right to do it.

It's really tough when it's been a long time since you were attracted to anyone, so I do feel for you. Don't give up - you will meet someone.

D0G · 22/12/2011 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFuckerForBreastorLeg · 22/12/2011 22:45

midlands

how about I stay right here ?

DogQuestions · 22/12/2011 22:45

Nothing wrong with wanting to.

Actually doing it OTOH...

runningwilde · 22/12/2011 22:45

I am howling at fabychic's post from page 1... I dont often agree with her but she is spot on and that post was pure fucking class girl!

slavetofilofax · 22/12/2011 22:46

like I said, better if I get hurt rather than his marriage.

Is he really worth it? Really? Even when the swooony haze of lust hormones have stopped swirling around you, is he really worth causing yourself that hurt? It could hurt a lot you know. You are mad to knowingly put yourself in that position.

Pishtushette · 22/12/2011 22:48

Have you ever known someone who has been on the receiving end of this situation?

It ain't pretty. Don't do it.

midlandsmumof4 · 22/12/2011 22:49

Any-thats fine......

Moominsarescary · 22/12/2011 22:49

I'm laughing that the only two saying go for it are named

Any fucker and
For the taking

Sorry bit pissed! Youve made your mind up allready, Still think you will end up hurt