Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to sleep with this married man?

507 replies

pumpkincarver · 22/12/2011 22:09

so. Met a wonderful guy, married, no kids. Am on the verge to start an affair, a fling (I'm not sure what yet) with him. I've never felt such strong attraction towards anyone else, hence my strong desire to go ahead.

I'm separated and single.
Am wondering how this rates on Mumsnet's grand moral scale.
Opinions appreciated, and no offence will be taken : )

OP posts:
mariasophia · 22/12/2011 22:29

I am in the same position, i have left an event tonight to remove myself from temptation - dont do it - i detest cheating, from bitter experience, it would have been the easiest thing to start but the hardest in the long run as you will end up so hurt. I love and respect myself too much to put myself through all of that turmoil. Cheating men are awful, as are cheating women, lying, deceitful, untrustworthy - no exceptions !!

scottishmummy · 22/12/2011 22:29

why you chose to be bit of fluff to a tosser?
and frankly even if you and he did end up making a go of things you'd never rest ease.given circumstance oh how you met, you could up up being the missus as he spins some other loose knickered fool a line

WhiteChristmasontheSierraMadre · 22/12/2011 22:29

The answer is no you can't. As you well know, OP.

Look, no doubt we've all been tempted from time to time, but we don't because we know it will end badly for all concerned. And this close to Christmas?

Sheesh.

ChildofIsis · 22/12/2011 22:29

Or worse still you'll end up with him, with the knowledge of all the hurt you helped cause his wife at your hands.
You'll never be secure, you'll never trust him and you'll spend every day wondering who he'll fall for next.

When a man leaves his wife for the mistress a job vacancy is created!

DeePanCrisPandEeeven · 22/12/2011 22:29

OP - how old are you? Or at least how much life experience do you have? ~And is starting this thread reflective of the attention-seeking habit that has led to you contemplating ruining other's lives on the basis of you fancying a bit and would like the attention of a 'taken' man?

Cherriesarelovely · 22/12/2011 22:30

I know worra! I can't stop laughing....not a laughing matter but...!

Original poster
pumpkincarver · 22/12/2011 22:30

thanks for the honest answers. I haven't dated a married man before so I'm really trying to see if there's any way I can square it with my morals!
hatesponge, I know what you mean, but my point is that I'm not even entitled to expect/want more than a fling. And if I end up suffering, better me than his dw.

ChildofIsis, true!

OP posts:
fanniadams · 22/12/2011 22:30

I guess my question is whether I can get away with having a wonderful fling but making sure that no harm is caused.

Errm no you cant! Have some self respect (and some for his wife whilst you're at it) This won't end well, don't start it.

minceorotherwise · 22/12/2011 22:30

Ok, you were bound to get flamed. Assuming this is real, what do you want from this?if you are expecting to have fling, no harm done, no one finds out.. That is quite unlikey. You will more than likely get drawn in, not want it to end, you get hurt, wife gets hurt, everyone gets hurt. Do you want something long term? Have you any in depth relationship with him ? Has he talked about being unhappy? Is there any reason to think he is about to leave his wife ? Or is it, mutual attraction..thrill of the chase, no real understanding of who he is, what he is etc ?

Moominsarescary · 22/12/2011 22:31

You will end up getting hurt

ElectricSoftParade · 22/12/2011 22:31

May I present my first Biscuit. Horrible.

Kayano · 22/12/2011 22:32

Shut ya legs

scottishmummy · 22/12/2011 22:35

what goes around comes around,you shag a shagger, you loose your integrity

slavetofilofax · 22/12/2011 22:35

There is no way you can do this without hurt being caused somewhere. One of the two women will end up hurt, and there is a good chance it could be you.

If he doesn't want to be with his wife, he won't be, whether or not you have an affair with him. He could just want both of you, in which case, if he is forced into a position where he has to choose, he is likely to choose his wife. Doesn't it worry you that you might end up falling in love with someone that won't leave his wife?

He doesn't even have the excuse that he wants to stay for the children, which quite clearly shows that as bad as he is treating his wife, he does want to be married to her. Just because he wants you too, and because you know more than she does at the moment, doesn't mean that it won't be you that is hurt the most.

LittleJennyRobyn · 22/12/2011 22:35

Who are you trying to kid?? Of course someone is going to get hurt...no good can come of this, Have some self respect woman!

But if you are hell bent on carrying on regardless, then perhaps you both desrve each other

Original poster
pumpkincarver · 22/12/2011 22:36

I hear what you're all saying. But what are the chances of us having an intense, unforgettable fling then moving on with our lives without his dw finding out etc? Can't it happen?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 22/12/2011 22:36

ha ha Worra!

LuckyRocketshipUnderpants · 22/12/2011 22:37

Don't do it. Morals aside, what goes around comes around and you are racking up a whole load of really bad karma.

Why would you want to settle for a man you can't really have? Why would you have so little self respect?

FabbyChic · 22/12/2011 22:37

YOu have forgotton about feelings, what happens if either of you fall in love what then?

ElfOfThePerverse · 22/12/2011 22:37

No, if you have morals you can't square it with them.

His DW will almost certainly end up getting hurt, you say there are no kids but do you have any way of knowing if his wife is in the early stages of pregnancy?

Original poster
pumpkincarver · 22/12/2011 22:37

slavetofilofax, like I said, better if I get hurt rather than his marriage.

OP posts:
midlandsmumof4 · 22/12/2011 22:38

Pumpkin-he's not that wonderful is he if he's contempating an affair or is it just wishful thinking on your part. Xmas Sad

MigratingChestnutsOnAnOpenFire · 22/12/2011 22:38

another Biscuit

AnyFuckerForBreastorLeg · 22/12/2011 22:39

Just fuck him

maryz · 22/12/2011 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.