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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to sleep with this married man?

507 replies

pumpkincarver · 22/12/2011 22:09

so. Met a wonderful guy, married, no kids. Am on the verge to start an affair, a fling (I'm not sure what yet) with him. I've never felt such strong attraction towards anyone else, hence my strong desire to go ahead.

I'm separated and single.
Am wondering how this rates on Mumsnet's grand moral scale.
Opinions appreciated, and no offence will be taken : )

OP posts:
AwayinaKayzr · 22/12/2011 22:19

Did you seriously have to ask that question?

If you do anything with this man then you are a sick vile person

LynetteScavo · 22/12/2011 22:19

Well, he can't be that wonderful if he would cheat on his wife. Hmm

MyChildDoesntNeedSleepAtXmas · 22/12/2011 22:19

This thread can't be real...

donnie · 22/12/2011 22:20

why are you even asking?
It'll all end in tears, of that you can be entirely certain. For all three of you.

HedleyLamarr · 22/12/2011 22:20

You're only not BU if he's left his dw. Otherwise, no. Just no.

Meglet · 22/12/2011 22:20

Wonderful men don't cheat on their wives.

And what Fabby said.

ChaoticAngel · 22/12/2011 22:21

You obviously have the morals of an alley cat on heat Hmm

Then again so does he so you're well matched.

OliNIvy · 22/12/2011 22:21

This will be fun for about a week. Then it will start to feel sleazy and wrong. Then either a) he will get bored of you and nish you off, b) you will get bored of him and nish him off or c) - most likely - his wife will find out and all hell will break loose.

Why go there? For a shag? Seriously? NO.

Original poster
pumpkincarver · 22/12/2011 22:21

nope, I'm thinking along the lines: - I feel incredibly attracted to him - I cannot walk away from this - I don't want to hurt his wife or ruin his marriage

I guess my question is whether I can get away with having a wonderful fling but making sure that no harm is caused.

OP posts:
Animation · 22/12/2011 22:21

I know the feeling OP. Xmas Confused

But you've got to to resist.

Even if your resistance is low.

madasa · 22/12/2011 22:21

You sound like you probably deserve each other...
Just a shame his wife doesn't deserve the pair of you

MyChildDoesntNeedSleepAtXmas · 22/12/2011 22:22

hatesponge But don't all married cheaters give the old 'my wife doesn't understand me and we no longer sleep together' line?

rogersmellyonthetelly · 22/12/2011 22:23

Yabu, it's morally wrong. If he does it to her he will do it to you at a later date. He is committing adultery and you are facilitating it. Think how you will feel whe. He does it to you.
Sleeping with men or women who are already in a relationship is just plain wrong. Do I need to carry on?

ChildofIsis · 22/12/2011 22:23

The op isn't likely to have been told how the marriage is from the wife's point of view is she?

She's clearly believing the 'she doesn't understand me' shite that cheating twats spout so they can have a quick shag meaningfull relationship.

EdithWeston · 22/12/2011 22:23

There is no way you could do this and not cause harm.

Not least to yourself, in settling for furtive second place.

hatesponge · 22/12/2011 22:23

The problem is if you have a strong attraction to someone could you be happy with just a fling? Wouldn't you end up wanting more - and if he is intending to stay with his wife, that's never going to end happily is it?

Kormachameleon · 22/12/2011 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChildofIsis · 22/12/2011 22:24

The only way 'no harm is caused' is if you walk away, NOW!

perfumedlife · 22/12/2011 22:26

OP has he said he wants an affair or is it still unspoken?

LaurieFairyCake · 22/12/2011 22:26

'Incredible attraction' can be avoided you know Hmm

You don't HAVE to act on it, it's not COMPULSORY.

EVERYTHING you do is within your control and this shit never ends well.

I have been attracted to married men before but I have self control.

You're not ROMEO AND FUCKING JULIET you know - it's some sleazy shit fuck that you have to live with forever!!!

and one day you might get cheated on and trust me that feels like hell.

abigboydidit · 22/12/2011 22:27

When I was at school I had a teacher called Mr Lamont who ancient and was on his 3rd wife. She used to say (with a smile) that she would be his last wife as he was too old to cheat on her.

He left her for our geography teacher.

What goes around..

WorraLiberty · 22/12/2011 22:27

I can't get Fabby's residue juices off my mind

D0G · 22/12/2011 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFuckerForBreastorLeg · 22/12/2011 22:27

I am going to get flamed here, but I think you should go for it

You only live once, don't you, and I bet his wife is a frigid bitch

It'll be her own fault for not showing him enough attention

LaurieFairyCake · 22/12/2011 22:28

I'm loving the 'I cannot walk away from this'.

You can, it's called self-respect and not being a twat.