To be angry that fil has got the dc Oxfam goats for Christmas?

[lecce]

I'm not sure exactly why but this has seriously pissed me off. The dc are 2 and 4 and these 'gifts' arrived today in the post, though fil will be spending Christmas day with us.

We are not hugely well-off and I suppose I feel that if he thinks the dc don't need yet more toys (they are by no means spolit, but I often get the sense form all the in-laws that they think our dc have too much - odd little comments like, "My goodness, those can't all be your toys surely," etc etc) he could have got clothes, paid for a day out or put money in their savings account etc. I know it probably doesn't show me in a very positive light, but I don't think our dc are so ridiculously priviliged that they need to be taught this lesson. Of course they are well-fed, clothed and have plenty of toys (some of their clothing and toys are second-hand, though admittedly only because there are brands I like that I can't afford new) but we can't afford holidays other than UK camping, expensive days out more than a couple of times a year and some of their Christmas presents are from Ebay. When I think about the future and the dc going to university I feel a bit panicky. Dh also has MS so our future is perhaps a little more uncertain than others'.

Of course we are hugely better off than the people Oxfam help but so is fil and he has not informed us that this is what he is doing and told us to get him a simialr gift has he? No, he will recieve a gift for himself on Christmas day. This is the main part that annoys me. Why does he get to decide that others have too much, while receiving more for himself?

For the record, I try to make the dc aware of others less fortunate than themselves and we often donate old itemss to charity and talk about the children who might be receiving them. However, I feel they are too young to have to worry about this too much and I don't want to make them feel guilty about what they have. In any case, I don't feel it is up to fil to dictate the way in which we appraoch the moral education of our dc.

I am so annoyed - AIBU?

YABVU.

There is a cohort of MNers who are consistently against charitable gifts such as goats. It is a stance that I find extremely difficult to understand.

YANB at all U. I'd be upset too.

ROFL at Hecate's suggestion.

Not sure what dh will say - didn't have time to show him before he went out tonight. He will probably agree with me but not feel as strongly as I do - tens to be the way it goes in our relationship!

We will give fil his present as planned - don't want to spoil Christmas over it but will certainly be remembering this when it is his birthday and next Christmas. Though I do love that card, WTAF!

What makes me feel sad is that all day on Christmas day now I will feel as if he is judging us - eaxh present the dc open I think he will be thinking, "ridiculous, they don't need that!" Silly as they honestly don't have a ridiculous amount and a lot of what they do have is books, puzzles etc rather than huge plastic stuff.

I'm sorry op i had to chuckle -
I know of two little boys who received 3rd world toilets from granny a few years ago they were a little older - my friend was relieved that they displayed super manners- did not say anything except thank you granny and smiled!!!!

Oh, I don't know if he will turn up with gifts on the day. The amount spent on the goay is pretty much what he usually spends so I doubt it. I may be wrong, of course, but I'm certainly not expecting any.

Am thinking the same as a few others - there may be another gift that he turns up with.

Agree that goats etc are gifts to ask for oneself and not really to give 2 yr old kids.
Do update us after Christmas or I will die of curiosity!!

I doubt he will be judging you. He probably just thinks that, like many kids in the UK, your DC will get a fair amount of stuff, and he doesn't want to add to that. He's not saying they have too much, just that they have enough. And some others don't.

Cheques, cash, vouchers all say I couldn't be bothered to ask what they'd like or to choose something I hope they'll like.
What's a little kid supposed to do with a piece of paper on Christmas Day? Give them the picture of a goat when he's there and say Here's your present from Granddad and hope he feels ashamed of himself.

My friend would much preferred them to be given a goat! Or even a tree would have been ok!

I think they are a bit young to appreciate a couple of goats (which they won't be visiting) in another country.

Generally I like the idea - but more for my brother or sister than for DCs, nephews or nieces I think !

YANBU.I do not see the point of these so called 'gifts' unless you know that the person 'receiving' it has requested one,or will appreciate it. If so that's great,if not you shouldn't give them imho.

I normally hate Outnumbered,but I'm with Karen on this one.It's not really a gift at all,unless in the above situation.

IMHO It's equivalent to donating to charity and sending a note to a friend after doing so to let them know how generous you've been. Nice for the charity,but rather pointless for the friend.

It is an odd gift for small kids. Fine for an adult, imo.

I wouldn't be angry, but I would find it an odd choice, yes.

I think that while you are tucking into your Christmas dinner you should serve your FIL cheese on toast and say that you donated his dinner to the homeless shelter.

If you did want to get some little goat figures the Schleich ones are nice. Appreciate you might not want the extra expense/shopping so close to Christmas.

YANBU and people on here who say its a nice gift are either lying or very sad.

Children arent children for very long, at 2 they should be having presents they will enjoy, stimulate their kearning, whatever, but a frigging goat!!!

Im not saying charity isnt a good thing, i donate monthly and also give extra at xmas instead of buying cards, but im an adult amd thats my choice

YANBU. It isn't a gift for your children at all, since they won't actually be receiving anything. By all means donate to charity at Christmas but why involve others?
There again I probably wouldn't be pissed off as such. I just wouldn't buy him any more presents either, seeing as he seems to be confused by the concept.

Ridiculous.

2&4 is far too young to take any kind of lesson from this at all. I'd uninvite the miserly auld git.

But I am due to start my period any moment now so I may not be the best advisor.

The reason people are against these type of 'presents' is that they are a do-gooding ego trip for the giver and not a present at all. It's the equivalent of saying "hey, look how caring I am, I give to charity and, guess what? I'm using your money to do it".

If you want to give to charity, fine, well done. But don't pretend it's for someone else's benefit.

Interesting thread, as my best friend (and my dd's godmother) "bought" them a goat and then chickens for a couple of years when the dc were small. I did think it was a strange choice, but I know and love my friend, and I am absolutely sure there was nothing sneery or preachy intended by it- that is the kind of person she is, and my dc don't go short of presents at Christmas. The dc were mildly amused at the idea of the goat/ chickens, but then couldn't understand why they weren't coming to live with us!

I think a lot of your indignation might stem from your relationship with your FIL. As I say, I know and love my friend. She could give my dc a lump of coal and I would shrug and think she had her own reasoning behind it! But I'm sensing you don't feel the same about your FIL. In which case, yanbu.

And at that age, if you or he talk to them about it, they'll be asking where are the goats and can we ride on them etc. So, you can't even talk about it with them hence no present really from Grandpa. But maybe he hasn't thought it through/ doesn't appreciate how young they are/ is trying to make a point/ is a bit random with presents ?

If you think supporting a goat is a good idea, please make a donation to Oxfam of 25 pounds, give them gift aid and they'll get 31.25 to spend on goats. Buy a goat to give as a gift and they'll get just 25 pounds and spend at least a quid delivering it to the person you're sending the gift to. If just 3 people did it, there'd be a whole another goat.

Charity gifts are very STUPID, because of Gift Aid, if you just told people you'd made a donation it would be fine, but buying a gift is madness.

YABU - at that age they won't really get that they havent had a gift from their grandparents
.
My DS loved getting a toilet and a goat a couple of years ago. TBH they all get so much stuff that it was good for them to talk about it. DS2 was 5 at the time and was the first thing he told everyone.

You obviously have to sell it to them as a concept.

Ooh, how about a goats cheese starter to stir things a bit at Christmas lunch ?
My Mum made a tasty beetroot and goat's cheese filo pastry thing recently

I know I'm onto a losing battle, it's one I've had a few times on MN. But if there is a chance that crushing poverty could be even slightly alleviated, and at the same time my child doesn't receive another over-priced, mass-produced, made-by-a-kid and imported from China, piece of plastic, I'll take it. It might be "showy-off" in some people's eyes, but so is buying the biggest, shiniest new toy. I know which I'd rather receive, and spend my money on.

I can't believe people are so cynical that they think that people giving to charity is somehow showing off. This thread depresses me.

They are too young to understand that the gift will help others.
They will be expecting a gift from grandad.
YANBU. I wouldn't be pleased.