To be angry that fil has got the dc Oxfam goats for Christmas?

[lecce]

I'm not sure exactly why but this has seriously pissed me off. The dc are 2 and 4 and these 'gifts' arrived today in the post, though fil will be spending Christmas day with us.

We are not hugely well-off and I suppose I feel that if he thinks the dc don't need yet more toys (they are by no means spolit, but I often get the sense form all the in-laws that they think our dc have too much - odd little comments like, "My goodness, those can't all be your toys surely," etc etc) he could have got clothes, paid for a day out or put money in their savings account etc. I know it probably doesn't show me in a very positive light, but I don't think our dc are so ridiculously priviliged that they need to be taught this lesson. Of course they are well-fed, clothed and have plenty of toys (some of their clothing and toys are second-hand, though admittedly only because there are brands I like that I can't afford new) but we can't afford holidays other than UK camping, expensive days out more than a couple of times a year and some of their Christmas presents are from Ebay. When I think about the future and the dc going to university I feel a bit panicky. Dh also has MS so our future is perhaps a little more uncertain than others'.

Of course we are hugely better off than the people Oxfam help but so is fil and he has not informed us that this is what he is doing and told us to get him a simialr gift has he? No, he will recieve a gift for himself on Christmas day. This is the main part that annoys me. Why does he get to decide that others have too much, while receiving more for himself?

For the record, I try to make the dc aware of others less fortunate than themselves and we often donate old itemss to charity and talk about the children who might be receiving them. However, I feel they are too young to have to worry about this too much and I don't want to make them feel guilty about what they have. In any case, I don't feel it is up to fil to dictate the way in which we appraoch the moral education of our dc.

I am so annoyed - AIBU?

I think that whilst this is a nice gift for older children, at two and four they will look blankly and not get it at all, which leads me to think that this has been bought as a way of sniping at you and is not a "gift" at all but a passive aggressive dig, which is neither charitable, nor in the spirit of christmas and definitely puts your fil in the position of looking quite horrid.

YANBU.

Play "goat" bingo with your DH

See how many times you can incorporate the word "goat" into the conversation.

The winner gets a lie in on Boxing Day.

As in "I'm tired so I'll goat a bed" ? :o

MistyB the OP should get a copy of that outnumbered expisode and ensure it is watched by all on Xmas day

YABU. Everyone gets far, far too much crap they don't actually need at this time of year, it's a nice gesture to let the kids think of other people who have nothing. Get over it.

I can understand you being a bit annoyed but then again my father never bought us or my children specific presents but does give money towards music lessons or hobbies.

I think your fil thinks he is doing the right thing not realising that they are too young for it to have an impact. As well he might be confused about what to buy them. He might (and I am trying to look on the bright side here) bring them a small something to open. I would possibly drop large hints for birthday and next Christmas about such things as the childrens ISA or a savings account or money for music/karate/swimming/horseraddish making courses. That way they get something more tangible. To be honest, I think these 'goat' gifts are better for an older child or more of an aunt/uncle thing. I think a grandparent should be wanting to provide something a bit more useful and direct to the child whilst appreciating that some grandparents go completely the opposite way and buy loads of plastic tat. I would ask him to explain his present to the four year old. That should bring it home to him what is appropriate for a child of that age and either your four year old will understand or, what is more likely to happen, he will realise that it is all too abstract a concept and requires quite some hard work on his part to justify his gift.

I think Oxfam goats are a crap present at any age to be honest. I think they are a bit insulting not a gift at all. If you want to make a donation to charity and buy a poor African a goat then by all means do that, but don't dress it up as a 'gift' for someone else! How disengenuous! It smacks of being preachy to the recipient about how much they already have compared to others in the world, which I am sure they are already well aware of. Unless the person specifies that they would like the donation made on their behalf I think it's arubbish thing to buy someone.

insulting and not a gift at all.

Yes. pretty just seen your post, and that is exactly right - a PA dig!

And YY to aldiwhore too. (I really should read threads first. )

Of course YABU.

Prehaps he is getting them a another present as well.

Otis the alpaca story had me crying while I laughed. What was your sister's reaction when you told her about your visit to oxfam?

Having emerged from the other side of Christmas, I think Oxfam goats are definitely preachy.

SIL gave my DCs some lovely presents. Which was wonderful and much appreciated. She then gave everyone, including my sister and mum an Oxfam goat card.
I find it annoying because a) I don't need to be told how to give to charity - I know how to fill in a cheque, and b) how much SIL decides to give to charity is her own concern - there's no need to tell everyone else what a charitable person you are.

I suppose it depends on whether you think it's a coded message about your children being spoiled or whether you think it's him trying to think of an original gift. I wouldn't do it myself but I do like it when people ask for goats etc instead of wedding/birthday presents. But they key is that they've asked for it.

OP.....please update as to how your day went!

Yes please. How did it go? did he bring something small for your kids to unwrap after all? If not i certainly hope he did all the explaining to them and that you refused to do that while having to cook xmas dinner at the same time!

Oh God yeah! how did 'Goat-gate' go!

I fully sympathise, but I have to add that there were a couple of posts on here that made me howl!

Hope your Christmas went well x

I haven't read all of this but I'm appalled by this post:

I think you need to set up a savings account and ask him if he could give the kids a cheque in the future - that way the money can go towards something like driving lessons or a college fees or a day out at a safari.

If I was told to give a cheque instead of a gift, they would get nothing ever again.

Yeah...giving a gift to someone in dire poverty on behalf of your children, what an evil fucker their Granddad must be. Let's all string him up to the nearest lamp post.

Christ alight, I wish my Grandmother had a scintilla of the awareness about the suffering of others that your children's grandfather has, what a fantastic role model. Dare I say it, it contrasts markedly to your own grasping attitude over this issue.

Your children will have one less gift: big deal. They won't miss it and what a fantastic chance to teach them about their responsibilities to others and the joy of giving as well as receiving gifts. (If that doesn't sound too po-faced!)

I'd echo other people's comments about involving them in all things goaty!

Can you swap them for some of Barbielovesken's chidlren's toys. See other thread about the children with too much.

Compos Hat hmmmm?????!!!!!!!

carernotsaint? What has got your goat about my post (pun intended)

You do realise the first paragraph is very much tongue in cheek don't you?

Going by your user name i was just wondering if you were the FIL in question.
Apologies if i am wrong.

Alas no! I am not he, but I like the sound of her father in law. He seems one sorted, aware grandparent though.

Wonder if he'll adopt me?