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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely spitting with rage at 'D'SD?

479 replies

Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:01

My SD is 10. I have a very difficult relationship with her. I have honestly tried my best with her, but i have reached the end of my tether, She is ignorant, sullen and downright rude to me 99% of the time. My DD is 5 and worships the ground she walks on, yet SD is less than interested in her at best, nasty to her at worst.
DH and i have been together 7 years, married for 6 months and her behaviour towards me has always been the same (kicked me in the stomach when i was pg with DD and saying, "I hope that hurt her" is one of many examples. She was only 4 or 5 then)
Anyway, we only see her on a Sunday. Yesterday morning, DD tells me that "SD gave me some medicine out of the cupboard yesterday".
I ask which medicine, DD said, "All of them." A spoonful each of Calpol, Nurofen, Piriton, 2 adults cough medicine, an adults cold and flu medicine, and gaviscon!!!
I asked why the hell she did it (DD said SD told her she was getting a cold, she isn't, she's fine). I asked where i was when this was happening, DD said upstairs with Daddy hoovering, which is the only time they were alone downstairs so v likely.
AIBU to be so bloody angry i feel like killing* SD?! She could have done DD some serious bloody damage!!
DH went round there yesterday when i rang to tell him what DD told me, he said he went mad at her, asked her what the hell she was playing at and she could have made DD very sick, He said she just shrugged!!!!

She is due to spend Xmas day here, i do not want her anywhere near me or DD at the moment, i know it will spoil the day as i am so angry with her?
AIBU?

*obviously i wouldn't really!

OP posts:
MudAndGlitter · 20/12/2011 14:04

Could her mum be influencing her? When I was pg with DS, DSDs mum gave her a baby doll called it the name we had for DS and stamped on its head telling DSD that's what she should do.
She is only young, is it possible she's acting out? Are you obvious in your dislike for her?

scurryfunge · 20/12/2011 14:04

The affects of paracetamol are not immediately obvious -get her checked out now.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 14:04

My question is: how did DSD have access to medicines at all?

Bethshine82 · 20/12/2011 14:06

How awful. What is she like behaviour wise with her mom and at school etc? She obviously massively resents your DD. Which is absolutely no excuse for her actions and I would be livid, absolutely livid.
However, she is only 10 and can't be very happy herself. If it were my I'd be encouraging DH to consider some sort of help or support for you step daughter, I'm thinking counselling? It does not sound likely to improve without intervention IMHO.

Kayano · 20/12/2011 14:06

Jealousy? Do you treat them different when they are here?

My neice coloured her newborn sisters eyelids in with felt tip pen and tried to
Smother her when she was 3 - 4

Your DH and sd mother need to be having
Some serious words with her. At 10 she knows that is wrong!!!

TroublesomeEx · 20/12/2011 14:07

Doesnotgiveafig - my DS at 10 would have been able to access medicines in our house. Why is that a problem?

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2011 14:07

Why on earth weren't they all locked away?

And are you sure it really was 'A spoonful each of Calpol, Nurofen, Piriton, 2 adults cough medicine, an adults cold and flu medicine, and gaviscon'?

Because I would have been sick as a pig after all that lot.

Shinyshoes1 · 20/12/2011 14:09

I agree I personally wouldn't have her anywhere near your DD unless it's under VERY close supervision. What's the setup for Christmas day? Is DH likely to be keeping an eye on what she's doing all the time.

Does she enjoy coming to visit?

elfyrespect · 20/12/2011 14:09

You're going to have to lock away hazardous products and medicines etc the same as you have to keep them away from toddlers.

TheTinselsTheWrongColour · 20/12/2011 14:09

I agre with scurry above,get her checked out or at the very least ring nhs direct as paracetamol overdose does not happen immediately and as well as the calpol I would imagine the adults cough and cold stuff has it in too

but no you anbu to be really mad with her but you owe it to all of you to get past it and find out what her problem is

ScroogeHadAGoodPoint · 20/12/2011 14:09

I'd go to A&E. You don't know exactly how much paracetamol DD will have had.

But in the longer term no, YANBU to be angry with DSD - that is way beyond normal step-family drama.

TroublesomeEx · 20/12/2011 14:09

Should have clarified, he wouldn't have accessed them, but he knew where they were and would have been able to had he been so inclined. He just wasn't.

NatashaBee · 20/12/2011 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

belgo · 20/12/2011 14:11

Get your dd to a doctor.

And get you and your family to family counselling, there are clearly some serious problems, especially if you are still blaming her for an incident which occurred 6 years ago when she was 4.

Original poster
Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:11

mud i think i can honestly say no, i try so hard with her, pay her more attention than dd when she is here! Have suggested making cakes, making xmas decs, trip the the cinema just me and her, shopping just me and her. All met with a 'Shut up' or her just totally blanking me. I don't doubt for a second her mother is influencing her, and not in a good way.

doesnot all medicines are kept in a high cupboard in the kitchen. DD said SD climbed up onto the kitchen counter and got them down.

OP posts:
elfyrespect · 20/12/2011 14:11

And the DSD needs some sort of help/reassurance/fuss from her dad - I don't know. But the kicking thing when she was just 4/5 seems a pretty unusual reaction to a new baby for a girl of just that age.

WilsonFrickett · 20/12/2011 14:13

You need to go to an A&E, preferably at a children's hospital if there is one near you. Don't delay, go. You have no idea how much paracetamol she's actually been given. The DSD issue can wait till you have checked out your DD.

AmberLeaf · 20/12/2011 14:13

Clearly this situation hasnt just arisen, if its been going on since she was 3-4-5? then sorry but its down to the adults in her life.

How is her dad with her? what is their relationship like?

Why do you only see her on sundays? has there ever been overnight contact?

She sounds jealous, what has been done over the years to make her feel part of your family and to help with jealousy issues?

Original poster
Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:14

belgo blaming her? No. Just pointing out how her behaviour has been to me, even when she was younger.

OP posts:
whackamole · 20/12/2011 14:14

YANBU I would feel the same way. You would not be unreasonable to say that she can only visit if she is in the same room as her father at all times, and that as she has acted so irresponsibly she will have to treated like she cannot be trusted until she can prove she can be.

I also really think you should call NHS Direct at the very least.

belgo · 20/12/2011 14:14

'Yesterday morning, DD tells me that "SD gave me some medicine out of the cupboard yesterday"'

did you not take her to the doctors yesterday as soon as you found out?

Haziedoll · 20/12/2011 14:14

At 10 years old she is old enough to know better. She is over the criminal age of consent so could theoretically be prosecuted for harming your child.

There are obviously serious unresolved issues. I think your dh and his ex partner need to address her behaviour as a matter of urgency.

scurryfunge · 20/12/2011 14:15

Do you intend to get your child checked over?

IndigoBell · 20/12/2011 14:15

I think from now on DH should take DSD out to McDonalds on a Sun and return her to her Mums. She would not be welcome in my house ever again.

10 is well old enough to understand what she's done.

kelly2000 · 20/12/2011 14:16

Take DD to a doctor (paracetamol overdose might not kick in straight away) and do not let DSD be there at Christmas or be alone with her or other children. However, the doctor may have to call social services. To be honest I woudl also consider taking DSD to the doctors as she obviously has problems -kicking you in the stomach etc. Is there anything else she has done without your knowledge?

Mudandglitter,
What the hell did you do with that one? sounds beyond a nightmare

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