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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be absolutely spitting with rage at 'D'SD?

479 replies

Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:01

My SD is 10. I have a very difficult relationship with her. I have honestly tried my best with her, but i have reached the end of my tether, She is ignorant, sullen and downright rude to me 99% of the time. My DD is 5 and worships the ground she walks on, yet SD is less than interested in her at best, nasty to her at worst.
DH and i have been together 7 years, married for 6 months and her behaviour towards me has always been the same (kicked me in the stomach when i was pg with DD and saying, "I hope that hurt her" is one of many examples. She was only 4 or 5 then)
Anyway, we only see her on a Sunday. Yesterday morning, DD tells me that "SD gave me some medicine out of the cupboard yesterday".
I ask which medicine, DD said, "All of them." A spoonful each of Calpol, Nurofen, Piriton, 2 adults cough medicine, an adults cold and flu medicine, and gaviscon!!!
I asked why the hell she did it (DD said SD told her she was getting a cold, she isn't, she's fine). I asked where i was when this was happening, DD said upstairs with Daddy hoovering, which is the only time they were alone downstairs so v likely.
AIBU to be so bloody angry i feel like killing* SD?! She could have done DD some serious bloody damage!!
DH went round there yesterday when i rang to tell him what DD told me, he said he went mad at her, asked her what the hell she was playing at and she could have made DD very sick, He said she just shrugged!!!!

She is due to spend Xmas day here, i do not want her anywhere near me or DD at the moment, i know it will spoil the day as i am so angry with her?
AIBU?

*obviously i wouldn't really!

OP posts:

JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 14:54

I have reported this thread, just to let you know.

nkf · 20/12/2011 14:54

And I know you've done a lot for her. But it's her dad she wants.

Original poster

Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:54

mud not really no. Sunday is really the only time DD gets to see her dad too. Although i do understand how it might look to SD

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2011 14:55

I wonder if the GP was of the opinion that since you didn't find out about this until 24hrs after it happened, if your DD was going to become seriously ill, she would have done so by then.

However, I'm sure that doesn't mean she doesn't need toxicology tests of some sort?

dublinmom · 20/12/2011 14:55

It doesn't matter if the SD wouldn't like going to a child psychiatrist/shrink. It doesn't matter if the DH doesn't like it or if the SD's mother doesn't like it. She needs help. The younger girl needs protecting. There's been a pattern of harmful behaviour.

It would make me furious, and very very concerned.

altinkum · 20/12/2011 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cestlavielife · 20/12/2011 14:57

if she really did have six 5 ml spoonfuls in total of all of those i think you would have already seen " listlessness, drowsiness, upset stomach".
how come dd said nothing to your dh?
you have only your dd word for this right or did you get confirmation from dsd? as to how much she actually gave her?

do you know dsd can open the child proof caps? my 11 year old has problems opening them

i think DSD needs some help counselling play therapy express her anger - and you all need help - she isnt just going to go away is she?

why did the mother stop the overnight stays?

MudAndGlitter · 20/12/2011 14:57

Some of the posters on here seem to want to fulfil the evil stepmother stereotype.
Not the OP as much but some.
She needs time without DD but with you and her dad. She needs to know that she still fits into the family unit and that people will love her and she doesn't have to act out. Possibly she was trying to be banned from being around DD? If I were 10 I'd hate to have to share my dad the only day I saw him.
Or is it the wedding and the fact it's just sunk in that this is a permanent set up?

Kayano · 20/12/2011 14:58

I can imagine the GP giving this advice ESP as it had even a full day before op found out and there had been no symptoms or odd behaviours

MudAndGlitter · 20/12/2011 14:59

Sorry just saw its the only day DD sees him as well. I'm all out of ideas!

scurryfunge · 20/12/2011 15:00

Any symptoms do not show for 24hours - maybe the GP thought it was a low amount. If there was any chance of an overdose, immediate action should have been taken.

wannaBe · 20/12/2011 15:02

after over 24 hours a blood test wouldn't show up an accurate paracetamol level in the child's blood stream as it will have worked through the system by then. Aside from that, the only of those medicines that will have contained paracetamol are calpol and the cold/flu medicine. Nurifen is ibuprophen and can be taken in conjunction with paracetamol, and cough mixture and gaviscon are fairly harmless although obviously shouldn't be taken in mass doses.

I think this notion that people should always feel compassion and love and sympathy purely because it is a child is a bit bizarre actually. Yes, a child who displays that level of anger/agression/hatred clearly has some deep-seated psychological issues, but it is unrealistic to suggest that a ten year old child isn't or shouldn't be held responsible for her actions.

She knew she was giving her sister medicine. She will know that medicine is generally administered by an adult. She knew what she was doing was wrong.

Yes the child needs to have some professional help but that does not mean she shouldn't be punished for her actions.

nkf · 20/12/2011 15:03

He doesn't see much of either of his children in my opinion.

The dangerous behaviour could have happened with full siblings and people would probably try to think of ways to resolve the serious problem within the family. The banning from Christmas, while an understandable reaction, makes it clear this isn't her home.

She's too old to be doing this. Not too old to feel hurt and pain but too old to express it this way. Yes to counselling but don't be surprised if they see it as a family issue not just her being wicked and dangerous.

MudAndGlitter · 20/12/2011 15:03

OP- if DSD was your daughter and had done this to DD what would you have done?

dublinmom · 20/12/2011 15:04

I wouldn't reward her with time with her dad on her own. If she did it, this is serious misbehaviour and i would bring her world crashing down so she sees the seriousness of it.

It actually gives me a chill to read she just shrugged. I would never, ever leave her with your dd again. even if she apologises, acts sorry, cries, etc. Always watch her.

ChristmasFuckers · 20/12/2011 15:05

Don't you think it's a but too late to deal with issues? If she was unhappy about the baby at 5 her anger and sadness just continued and got worse. Poor, poor girl

Kayano · 20/12/2011 15:05

if I was op I would still take her to the doc and psychologist tbh.
I would be extremely
Worried and cautious as it not normal behaviour for a 10 year old no matter how people may try to excuse it.

If she was my daughter I would shifty eyes giver her a smack tbh

ForeverChangesNothing · 20/12/2011 15:06

OP I really feel for you, what a horrible position to be in.

I had a step mother who I hated, I don't anymore love her to bits now, but back then I hated her. But, that said, at 10 a child knows about medicines being off limits and what your DSD did is unforgivable.

In your position I think DSD should continue to see her father out of your house, but she should only be allowed to come back in as a member of the family when she has earnt your trust. At ten she is a big girl, make her own up to her wrong doing and let her see the consequences. Don't pussy foot around this or god only knows what she might do next.

Original poster

Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 15:07

cest DH asked SD why she had given DD the medicine, she just shrugged. Incase DD had exaggerated, i asked her what coolour such and such medicine was and what it tasted like, she described them correctly so i know she had them all. DD said she used the "medi spoon, the small bit," which i assume is either 5 or 2.5ml of each.
I did say previously but Ex stopped overnight stays as she wanted us to have SD on Friday nights instead of Thursdays, which we could do as DH works

OP posts:

PopcornMouseInAReindeerJumper · 20/12/2011 15:08

Don't you think it's a but too late to deal with issues?
Yeah, let's just write her off

Seriously - she clearly needs some support, some professional help, or she will only get worse as she enters her teens. A trip to the GP is in order, imho.

altinkum · 20/12/2011 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MudAndGlitter · 20/12/2011 15:09

I don't see how spending time with her dad alone is a reward ffs. Surely it's just her right (wrong choice of words poss) as it is any child able to, spend time with her dad on her own.

nkf · 20/12/2011 15:09

I don't understand. She just shrugged and then what? He's not talking to her anymore? No more questions. This is serious stuff and she can't just shrug it off.

GypsyMoth · 20/12/2011 15:10

Those bottle tops ( child safety lids) are bloody hard work, how did she manage 6 or 7 bottles in one go? My wrist would be numb!

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2011 15:10

OP, did your GP give you any indication of when SS will be in contact with you about this?

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