to be absolutely spitting with rage at 'D'SD?

[Iloveagoodroast]

My SD is 10. I have a very difficult relationship with her. I have honestly tried my best with her, but i have reached the end of my tether, She is ignorant, sullen and downright rude to me 99% of the time. My DD is 5 and worships the ground she walks on, yet SD is less than interested in her at best, nasty to her at worst.
DH and i have been together 7 years, married for 6 months and her behaviour towards me has always been the same (kicked me in the stomach when i was pg with DD and saying, "I hope that hurt her" is one of many examples. She was only 4 or 5 then)
Anyway, we only see her on a Sunday. Yesterday morning, DD tells me that "SD gave me some medicine out of the cupboard yesterday".
I ask which medicine, DD said, "All of them." A spoonful each of Calpol, Nurofen, Piriton, 2 adults cough medicine, an adults cold and flu medicine, and gaviscon!!!
I asked why the hell she did it (DD said SD told her she was getting a cold, she isn't, she's fine). I asked where i was when this was happening, DD said upstairs with Daddy hoovering, which is the only time they were alone downstairs so v likely.
AIBU to be so bloody angry i feel like killing* SD?! She could have done DD some serious bloody damage!!
DH went round there yesterday when i rang to tell him what DD told me, he said he went mad at her, asked her what the hell she was playing at and she could have made DD very sick, He said she just shrugged!!!!

She is due to spend Xmas day here, i do not want her anywhere near me or DD at the moment, i know it will spoil the day as i am so angry with her?
AIBU?

*obviously i wouldn't really!

Ilove she's a confused, angry child. Of course she was wrong and needs appropriate punishment, and thankfully your DD is ok.

Posted too soon - as well as help and guidance!

Op has already said they tend to give DSd more attention than dd as they don't see her as much and try to make
It as even as possible

The length of time and the fact she is 10 says to me this is clearly not working and dsd needs some additional help and support or counselling.

It is horrendous behaviour and it's not like op is new on the scene, even dd is 5
So this is totally unacceptable and the poor dsd card can only be played for so long before she should have to pay for her actions.

How do you get on with dsd s mum op?

Banning contact will make things worse. Could your DD have asked her to give her medicine? Long shot I know but trying to look at all angles.

Yes doesnot-you would think that a 10 year old would be deserving of some help and compassion but apparently not

I was going to say something very similar to MudAndGlitter. Your SD is obviously deeply unhappy and jealous. I am a stepmum and my DPs children don't particularly want to spend time with me, not because theres any bad feeling but because they want time with their dad. My SC would go out for the day with me but would much rather just have time and attention from DP, even if its just drawing & doing homework, than a treat day out with me.

OP - I'm sorry, but I have to admit I'm finding it hard to believe that a GP would advise you to wait and watch for symptoms in the circumstances you describe - medicines of different types given, including paracetamol, with no proof of how much was given if he/she did, then this is really really bad. I would go to A&E.

kayano-how is it "even"-the dsd see hers father once a week. Presumably he sees his other child every day? yep that sounds very "even"

I agree that a trip to A&E is the most sensible option.
I'm surprised that the GP didn't advise this.

I think there are a LOT of issues here.First of all you need to protect your own DD from any more harm.
Secondly -there are obviously issues here with a very jealous mixed up little girl that need to be addressed-and fast.
Also sounds like the birth mother is poisoning her mind-and she sounds pretty bitter and twisted herself.And hasn't forgiven you for taken her DH away from her (in her eyes,not saying that's what happened).
I think there is family counselling required as someone else said.
What does your DH say? Can't he talk to her?
She also sounds very resentful that there is another child,who has her daddy (in her opinion again).

Agree with RinkadinkPink-too many people thinking she is the spawn of Satan.

The fact that she's trying to hurt your DD as opposed to herself shows where her insecurities are IMO. Could your mum have your DD for a day and you, DH and DSD go and have fun?
We offload DD and DS once a month to take DSD out which helps her as she's 4 and beginning to question the home life set up and that DS and DD get daddy all the time

Waterrat. I did not suggest prosecuting a 10 year old child! Read my post properly. I used the word theoretically!

This is rubbish!

Cannot believe you didn't take her to get checked over. The GP would have told you to take her to a&e.

Sorry i should have said in my OP, i rang my GP yesterday morning who advised to keep a close eye on her, as paracetamol overdose isn't always immediately recogniseable, and if i see anything strange to take her straight in or to A&E. Thankfully, she seems fine at the moment

Really?? When my neighbour's DD got hold of paracetemol they did a blood test at the hospital to find out exactly how much was in her body.

Where do you draw the line with compassion though?

When do you say 'right - this child needs some discipline or counselling etc' when your child is in hospital? She does need to be punished but banning contact would prob make it worse

She should go to a child psychiatrist

I think there are many women on this thread whom would love to "banish" their sdcs or in fact wished that they didnt exist

Honestly what a lot of horrible responses.

kayano thank you, its exactly how you have descibed it. Don't get on with ex very well at all, things have been getting better but there have been some very nasty incidents in the past. I am very careful not to make any comments (other than nice ones) about her mum to SD, even though she has made life very difficult for us at times and when she doesn't get what she wants (ex not SD) she will stop contact or threaten me etc.

mud DD says no. Also DH asked SD if DD had asked for it and she said no

I actually don't believe a GP would advise 'watch and wait' with a 5 yo with a potential paracetamol overdose. If you believe your DSD has given your DD medicine, take her to A&E.

Is she connecting not staying overnight with the arrival of DD?
Sorry I understand your anger but I've been that 10 year old hated by her step mum although my crime was purely being female and a link to my dads past and it's horrible. Please don't exclude her for what is a stupid mistake on her part.

rink I said even then she IS THERE. Obv it can't be even in a seperated family but it's not like they can do anything about it. Her behaviour is well beyond acceptable and as I said its not
Like OP ad DD are new on the scene.

Dsd needs help imo

You asked if i had sought medical advice, i told you what the GP said. Whether you believe it or not, that is what he told me!

YANBU - I would have been furious too.......she is 10 so she knows right from wrong! However, 10 year olds do not really think about the consequences of the things they do - she did it because she is jealous of your DD.

Sadly she is the product of the adults (her mum) around her......she sounds like a very mixed up, angry and sad kid who seriously needs some guidance and maybe some counselling to sort her feelings out.

However, sorry situation as it is for her, if your DD was my DD I certainly wouldnt leave them unattended together.....she certainly cant be trusted!

Carting her off to a child psychiatrist may backfire. What if she then thinks she's crazy or whatever and decides that's why she doesn't live with her dad etc.
She's not far off puberty and that's when things could get even more jumbled up in her brain.