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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely spitting with rage at 'D'SD?

479 replies

Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:01

My SD is 10. I have a very difficult relationship with her. I have honestly tried my best with her, but i have reached the end of my tether, She is ignorant, sullen and downright rude to me 99% of the time. My DD is 5 and worships the ground she walks on, yet SD is less than interested in her at best, nasty to her at worst.
DH and i have been together 7 years, married for 6 months and her behaviour towards me has always been the same (kicked me in the stomach when i was pg with DD and saying, "I hope that hurt her" is one of many examples. She was only 4 or 5 then)
Anyway, we only see her on a Sunday. Yesterday morning, DD tells me that "SD gave me some medicine out of the cupboard yesterday".
I ask which medicine, DD said, "All of them." A spoonful each of Calpol, Nurofen, Piriton, 2 adults cough medicine, an adults cold and flu medicine, and gaviscon!!!
I asked why the hell she did it (DD said SD told her she was getting a cold, she isn't, she's fine). I asked where i was when this was happening, DD said upstairs with Daddy hoovering, which is the only time they were alone downstairs so v likely.
AIBU to be so bloody angry i feel like killing* SD?! She could have done DD some serious bloody damage!!
DH went round there yesterday when i rang to tell him what DD told me, he said he went mad at her, asked her what the hell she was playing at and she could have made DD very sick, He said she just shrugged!!!!

She is due to spend Xmas day here, i do not want her anywhere near me or DD at the moment, i know it will spoil the day as i am so angry with her?
AIBU?

*obviously i wouldn't really!

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 20/12/2011 15:10

What has her mum said or done?

Bossybritches22 · 20/12/2011 15:10

Exactly Kayano plus the OP only has the DSD's word for it that it was a spoonful of EACH, she may well have exaggerated, knowing it would worry the parents, but without actually understanding the consequences (probably hoping it would make her vomit or give her the squits)

Can't understand the reporting posters, a bit OTT don't you think? Hmm

Poor lass is obviously attention seeking but this is potentially lethal behaviour, very difficult, OP you have my sympathies.

ChristmasFuckers · 20/12/2011 15:10

Popcorn I am not talking about the medicine thing. I am talking about her anger and unhappiness. Looks like Something horrible must happen before op and her dh takes actions

Original poster
Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 15:11

mud i don't know, i really don't. It saddens me so much. If she is hurting, i don't want her to be, i really don't know what to do anymore.

OP posts:
Kayano · 20/12/2011 15:11

App ops DH then had a go at her but Op wasn't there. Do you know what he said op or if DH told her mother and what she had to say?

The
Shrugging is awful!

SusanneLinder · 20/12/2011 15:11

Hang on everyone-from what I read, the child had one spoonful of Calpol and one spoonful of Adult cold and flu medicine.Plus other non paracetamol medicines .While not advisable, it doesn't merit the whole mass hysteria here, that she is neglecting her child ffs.She phoned her GP immediately,presumable he has a medical degree and we don't.

hiddenhome · 20/12/2011 15:12

The adult cold and flu medicine would have contained paracetamol?

If that's the case then you will have been told by the gp to attend A&E to have her paracetamol levels done, esp. in a child so young.

I highly doubt that you've spoken to a doctor and, if you have and this is the advice you've been given, then you should ignore it and attend A&E. It can take up to a week to die from paracetamol poisoning and there are IV drugs that can be given immediately after ingestion to counteract any liver damage.

altinkum · 20/12/2011 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayano · 20/12/2011 15:13

Everyone turned into a god damn doctor on this thread by the looks of it Hmm

MudAndGlitter · 20/12/2011 15:14

But if she was a DD not a DSD she could t just be banned from the house. She needs to be treated equally regardless what's happened.
Shrugging when asked why she did it may indicate she's scared of answering because of the repercussions

hiddenhome · 20/12/2011 15:15

I'm not a doctor, but I am a nurse and we used to deal with paracetamol overdose in A&E Hmm

waterrat · 20/12/2011 15:15

this is total madness - you have to treat a step child as you would your own. You woudl not banish your own child from the house for feeding a younger sister some medicine...which, you don't even know if she has done, or how muchh.

ban her from the house? she is 10 years old and already sees her dad once a week - and he lives with another family now.

people really need to try and put themselves in the mind of a disturbed and unhappy child here - she needs support and a talking to - this is not 'evil' or mad - it's naughty and attention seeking....good god, takling about SS? what a joke....as if they haven't got better things to do.

it's very very common for people to try and hurt siblings...

Original poster
Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 15:16

christmas i have said this many times in this thread, but for all those flaming me, what am i supposed to do?! Seriously, what would you do?! I have tried so much to include her and try and make sure she doesn't feel like an outsider. Any effort i make is met with disdain or a nasty comment.
I don't want her to be upset or hurt but she does not want to let me in. I feel like i can't do anymore than i have done. And now she's potentially hurt my DD, put her in a dangerous position at least. And yes, now i'm very angry. I don't think that makes me a wicked stepmother.

Sorry not all of that is aimed at you, just couldn't stop typing once i started.

OP posts:
Kayano · 20/12/2011 15:16

The thing is Mud that they have no way of knowing if the shrugging may be:

'I don't want to answer because I'm scared'

Or

'Dont really care tbh'

And they are unlikely to get the right answers or help for this little girl
Unless they take her to get help or talk through her feelings

IMO. Again Blush

hiddenhome · 20/12/2011 15:16

No doctor would mess around with paracetamol overdose, esp. with young child Hmm

troisgarcons · 20/12/2011 15:18

I assume your DH has some form of joint parental responsibility? In which case I would be making him do the back-door route, phoning her school and arranging all those services that spring into action behind the scenes - councelling, CAMHs etc and possible SS involvement. Because what is going on in that little girls life isn't normal nor is it easy for her to deal with.

Have you of your DH told the girls mother about this yet? Because she should be told.

I don't tend to do the wild-eyed extreme style of what-if posts - but trying to poison/kill your sister is not normal behaviour. I'm not suggesting she's the next Mary Bell or Beverly Allitt in the making but she might become dangerous. Oh, I'll be flamed, because she's just a child, but if she is that unhinged then action needs to be taken now.

nkf · 20/12/2011 15:18

Sure, you've tried to include her but her dad is hardly ever there. Sorry but that's the case isn't it? It's him she wants and him she can't have.

altinkum · 20/12/2011 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MudAndGlitter · 20/12/2011 15:19

The clue is in the second part of the phrase step daughter IMO. Treat her as you would DD. don't go overboard making an effort, let her have some input etc and you should make progress. Hopefully. I feel for you and her tbh it's a horrible situation but with any luck in 5 years you'll all have a good relationship and this will all be a 'story' and not of significance.
No serious harm was done. It could've been but you don't know if it was done maliciously or not.

Bossybritches22 · 20/12/2011 15:19

I'm sure the OP told the GP on the phone WHICH medicines were suspected to have been given. There are lots of OTC adult medicines that don't have paracetemol in. I'm sure he would have taken that into account.

Calling the OP a liar is not constructive.

MudAndGlitter · 20/12/2011 15:20

She's OPs DHs DD! And as such should be treated as a member of the household.

Fuck trying to say that out loud!

Original poster
Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 15:20

hidden i can only go on what my GP of 20 years told me, and its exactly what i've said and exactly what i've done.
If he had told me to take her to A&E, i would have taken her immediately

OP posts:
ChristmasFuckers · 20/12/2011 15:21

You do not know that, but you just described her as evil,mad child. Sometimes when people are angry they do that, but also trying to say something positive I.e she's naughty and drives me mad, but I love her very much. You didn't say anything positive about her in 6 pages. I am sure she has some positives?!

aldiwhore · 20/12/2011 15:21

Can't offer much advice goodroast and I suspect there's only so much you can do about this situation. Your DSD's behaviour can't continue like this, that's for sure, but its her Dad and Mum that really really need to address her anger, something is eating at her isn't it? !0 is old enough to know better, of course, but I remember when I was 11, hating my little sister so so much, feeling so lost, feeling like I didn't belong (and my folks were together!) that I didi some pretty nasty things. I was vile to my Mum, spewed bile to my little sister (even scraped her knee against a bench so I could phone mum and get a lift home after a walk!).

The medicine incident was potentially dangerous, but I see it as no more evil than anything I did at that age. My brother fed me a whole bottle of calpol when I was little! I guess you're feeling at the end of your tether and completely frustrated, and YANBU for that. Try not to write your DSD off altogether though, she's in pain for some reason. Maybe suggesting to your DH that they try some form of counselling would help to shed light on why your DSD is behaving like this? She may well not even know... maybe she still hasn't learned to deal with all the baggage that came from the split between her mum and dad at such an early age?

Feel for you. Feel for your DSD too. x

EssentialFattyAcid · 20/12/2011 15:22

Clearly your DSD's relationships with the adults in her life are in bad shape and family therapy might be a good way forward.

I think it is your own dd who you need to supervise more closely during visits rather than DSD however.