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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely spitting with rage at 'D'SD?

479 replies

Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:01

My SD is 10. I have a very difficult relationship with her. I have honestly tried my best with her, but i have reached the end of my tether, She is ignorant, sullen and downright rude to me 99% of the time. My DD is 5 and worships the ground she walks on, yet SD is less than interested in her at best, nasty to her at worst.
DH and i have been together 7 years, married for 6 months and her behaviour towards me has always been the same (kicked me in the stomach when i was pg with DD and saying, "I hope that hurt her" is one of many examples. She was only 4 or 5 then)
Anyway, we only see her on a Sunday. Yesterday morning, DD tells me that "SD gave me some medicine out of the cupboard yesterday".
I ask which medicine, DD said, "All of them." A spoonful each of Calpol, Nurofen, Piriton, 2 adults cough medicine, an adults cold and flu medicine, and gaviscon!!!
I asked why the hell she did it (DD said SD told her she was getting a cold, she isn't, she's fine). I asked where i was when this was happening, DD said upstairs with Daddy hoovering, which is the only time they were alone downstairs so v likely.
AIBU to be so bloody angry i feel like killing* SD?! She could have done DD some serious bloody damage!!
DH went round there yesterday when i rang to tell him what DD told me, he said he went mad at her, asked her what the hell she was playing at and she could have made DD very sick, He said she just shrugged!!!!

She is due to spend Xmas day here, i do not want her anywhere near me or DD at the moment, i know it will spoil the day as i am so angry with her?
AIBU?

*obviously i wouldn't really!

OP posts:
JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 14:42

What did the GP ask you to watch for, OP?

Memoo · 20/12/2011 14:43

Bollocks op!

altinkum · 20/12/2011 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2011 14:43

And did you not notice on Sunday that your 5yr old was acting a bit odd after having 'Calpol, Nurofen, Piriton, 2 adults cough medicine, an adults cold and flu medicine, and gaviscon'? Confused

pigletmania · 20/12/2011 14:44

I would be livid tbh, she does not sound very nice whatever it is she has been through. Yes indeed she sounds very angry and resentful to you, and mabey holds you responsible for breaking up the family or not having her mum and dad together. She does need Counselling to help her through these issues. If indeed your dd has swallowed all of those, you need to go down to A&E and not be here on Mumsnet.

Kayano · 20/12/2011 14:45

Does the child psychiatrist need to be called that? A rose by any other name and all that...

Fear of backfiring is a bit strange considering potential risks of not seeking help at all? She needs a neutral 3rd party to talk to IMO. Op will be stressed due to dd incident, dad will be caught
In the middle and her mother does not get on with OP.

Talking to one of those won't be best and if you leave this little girl to carry on this way the consequences could be severe for everyone involved. She needs some help or someone not involved to confide in before the resentment gets too much for her

Original poster
Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:46

mud no, sd has been staying on a thursday since before DD was born. Her mother stopped the overnight stays a month or so ago.

Jamie any strange behaviour, listlessness, drowsiness, upset stomach, anything i think is "out of the ordinary"

memoo bollocks?! which bit? Everything i have written on this thread is true.

OP posts:
Proudnscaryvirginmary · 20/12/2011 14:46

I feel terribly sorry for your step daughter who is clearly an unhappy child, desperately attention seeking and whose stepmother doesn't like her Sad.

I have a very naughty challenging dd and I know how hard it is - I can't pretend I don't lose it with her sometimes so I'm not ignoring your concerns.

But how I hate the way you talk about her and the way you put 'D' in your OP.

If she kicked you in the stomach when she was four years old she was obviously desperately insecure about the new baby.

And Hmm at the amount of meds...

MudAndGlitter · 20/12/2011 14:46

So all those saying to exclude DSD, if your DC did this at their NRPs you would be saying oh yes don't have DS/DD until you can trust them?
Bollocks would you. You would be posting on here about how unfair it is that your XP won't have DC even though DC was just acting out about the situation

OrmIrian · 20/12/2011 14:46

I'm not sure that she would have known just how dangerous this could be at the age of 10. I don't think I would have done. I think a lot of conclusions are being jumped to that this was malicious rather than a misguided idea of making your DD better.

FWIW none of mine would have bothered to take medicine out of the medicine cabinet but only because they weren't interested in doing so. They would have been aware that 'it isn't meant for children' but I never sat them down and told them precisely why they shouldn't take it. It could be that she genuinely beleived it would help.

Original poster
Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:47

worra no because she wasn't acting oddly, tired but she had had a busy day

OP posts:
MudAndGlitter · 20/12/2011 14:47

Kayano- she's 10, she'll understand it's a shrink whatever you tell her it's called

Kayano · 20/12/2011 14:48

Who said exclude dsd? Most said to get the girl some help and counselling

samandi · 20/12/2011 14:49

OP, you don't seem too concerned with your DD's health if you aren't having her checked up.

10 is quite old enough to understand that medicines can be dangerous. I certainly wouldn't be having her around for Christmas if it was me, and wouldn't want anything more to do with her - her father could take her out on Sundays or I'd go out with the DD.

Kayano · 20/12/2011 14:50

Rather her understanding that she needs to talk through her feelings with a 'shrink' though than not trying to help her at all surely?

MudAndGlitter · 20/12/2011 14:50

There were posters saying ban her from visiting and from Xmas until you can trust her.

Or I dreamt that bit.

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2011 14:50

Ok well your GP will inform SS because legally he/she has to.

I'm guessing they'll hopefully get your DSD the help she so clearly needs.

Memoo · 20/12/2011 14:51

I'm going to report this op

Failing to get a child medical attention when she has potentially take an overdose is extremely negligent.

Original poster
Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:51

proud seriously what can i do?! I have tried having 'girls time' just me and her, she isn't interested. She spends as much time with her dad as DD does, he works til 8pm weeknights so she is in bed when he gets in.
I have bought and wrapped all of her xmas presents this year, apart from her big one which DH bought.
Would i do those things if i didn't like her?! I can't stand her behaviour, not i can't stand her.

OP posts:
Kayano · 20/12/2011 14:51

Oh. I wouldn't ban her from visiting or Christmas but
I would have one eye on her at all times Confused

MudAndGlitter · 20/12/2011 14:52

Does she see her dad without DD?

Mrswhiskerson · 20/12/2011 14:52

I don't think a ten year old would Intentionally posion another child I doubt she would know the effects of too much paracetamol at that age.

She has isssues qnd is clearly not happy , children aren't horrible they react in horrible ways to things they don't understand and don't forget she hardly sees her dad I think yo all need to sit down and sort this out and make I clear she is loved as much as your dd.

Original poster
Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:53

memoo how have i failed to get her medical attention?! I called the GP as soon as she told me, who's advice i have followed! That makes me extremely negligent?! Ok.

OP posts:
nkf · 20/12/2011 14:53

Are you sure that's what your GP said? It seems odd to me.
The 10 year old needs a lot of attention. That is seriously off behaviour. I think it's down to her parents and possible professional help too. But definitely parents.

Kayano · 20/12/2011 14:53

I hope this thread does not
Go because it brings up interesting debate

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