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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely spitting with rage at 'D'SD?

479 replies

Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:01

My SD is 10. I have a very difficult relationship with her. I have honestly tried my best with her, but i have reached the end of my tether, She is ignorant, sullen and downright rude to me 99% of the time. My DD is 5 and worships the ground she walks on, yet SD is less than interested in her at best, nasty to her at worst.
DH and i have been together 7 years, married for 6 months and her behaviour towards me has always been the same (kicked me in the stomach when i was pg with DD and saying, "I hope that hurt her" is one of many examples. She was only 4 or 5 then)
Anyway, we only see her on a Sunday. Yesterday morning, DD tells me that "SD gave me some medicine out of the cupboard yesterday".
I ask which medicine, DD said, "All of them." A spoonful each of Calpol, Nurofen, Piriton, 2 adults cough medicine, an adults cold and flu medicine, and gaviscon!!!
I asked why the hell she did it (DD said SD told her she was getting a cold, she isn't, she's fine). I asked where i was when this was happening, DD said upstairs with Daddy hoovering, which is the only time they were alone downstairs so v likely.
AIBU to be so bloody angry i feel like killing* SD?! She could have done DD some serious bloody damage!!
DH went round there yesterday when i rang to tell him what DD told me, he said he went mad at her, asked her what the hell she was playing at and she could have made DD very sick, He said she just shrugged!!!!

She is due to spend Xmas day here, i do not want her anywhere near me or DD at the moment, i know it will spoil the day as i am so angry with her?
AIBU?

*obviously i wouldn't really!

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 20/12/2011 14:16

To reiterate other posters, please go to the Docs or A and E right away. That is VERY worrying. It is a very, very disturbing situation that you are in, not simply with regards to this but generally. I really think your SD needs some help, her behaviour is extreme and she is clearly very upset and jealous. What is she like when she is at her mum's house or at school?

Liluri · 20/12/2011 14:18

So the medicine incident happened yesterday morning.
Have you sought any medical assistance for your daughter?

whackamole · 20/12/2011 14:18

Also, I have a 10 year old DSS, have known him for the same amount of time you have your DSD. He has never displayed any of this sort of rage towards his little brothers, although he was a little older when they were born (7). I don't know what the situation is with her mother, but she sounds very troubled to have this sort of anger and hate when so young. I think her mum and dad, and you if you relationship with the mum is ok, should sit down and maybe arrange some counselling.

Good luck OP, it's hard enough being a step-parent without having such a horrible attitude to work against.

belgo · 20/12/2011 14:19

'belgo blaming her? No. Just pointing out how her behaviour has been to me, even when she was younger.'

Iloveagoodroast: my point was that these problems are obviously going back years, and are only getting worse, and you need to seek professional help for you and your family's sake.

Original poster
Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:19

amber She has a very good relationship with DH, he works mon to sat and only has sundays off so sees her then. She used to stay over on a thursday and then come for the day on a sunday. Her mother stopped the overnight stays when she told us that she was moving the overnight to Friday instead of thursday. DH said no as he works Friday night, and i work every other one so it wasn't do-able. Since then, she hasn't been allowed to stay.

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 20/12/2011 14:19

A 10 year old knows right from wrong, this is really, really worrying.

belgo · 20/12/2011 14:20

If I've understood it correctly, the medicine was given on sunday, and the OP knew about it yesterday morning.

Rinkadinkpink · 20/12/2011 14:20

She is 10 years old. She is a mixed up,angry young child. Amd your response is you want to" kill" her? wow you really like living up to the wicked stepmother persona dont you.

Shame on you.

canistartagainplease · 20/12/2011 14:20

i suggest you get your daughter checked out pdq, also tell the doc,either at hosp or gp, to talk to the step daughter.

She isnt listening to you ,or her father, and another adult figure needs to crack the whip so to speak. For whatever reason, you can think about this later, she needs to accept her culperbility and you cant let it go with a shrug.

altinkum · 20/12/2011 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheTinselsTheWrongColour · 20/12/2011 14:20

op can you clarify for us as many of us have asked and you have not answered

Have you already sought medical advice for your dd or do you intend to ?

Original poster
Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:21

Sorry i should have said in my OP, i rang my GP yesterday morning who advised to keep a close eye on her, as paracetamol overdose isn't always immediately recogniseable, and if i see anything strange to take her straight in or to A&E. Thankfully, she seems fine at the moment

OP posts:
altinkum · 20/12/2011 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scurryfunge · 20/12/2011 14:23

Really?

DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 14:23

Folkgirl it's a problem because stuff like this can happen, but congrats on your mature young one Smile.

Medicines need to be locked away. 10 is old enough to know this is wrong, but not old enough to exactly understand what the effects can be of an overdose and mixing medication.

AmberLeaf · 20/12/2011 14:23

What happens to your other DD on fri nights when you work?

MudAndGlitter · 20/12/2011 14:23

She's acting out because there's another daughter who gets to live with daddy when she doesn't. Does your DH spend one on one time with her or is it always all of you together?
Speaking as a step mum and as someone who had one from the age of your DSD, I would try and get DH to do something with her each week even if it's just a trip to the park or something. She sounds unsettled and whilst I appreciate it's difficult for you at least you are at an age where you can understand why relationships break down etc.
Can DH speak to ex wife about it?

Rinkadinkpink · 20/12/2011 14:25

altinkum-you would want to kill a 10 year old child really?Shock Yes the ds was wrong, very wrong-but ask why would a 10 year old child behave like that? I would presume because she is desperately uphappy-perhaps at seeing her daddy playing happy families and feeling excluded?

The dsd needs help and compassion-not a bunch of harpies painting her out to be some sort of damien childHmm

MudAndGlitter · 20/12/2011 14:25

Kelly2000- luckily DSD lived with us from 4months to 2.5 so we had more 'influence' over her than her mother! Although she did trip and land on DS's head I'm putting that down to clumsiness!

Original poster
Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:26

rinkadink so how would you feel in my position?! Would you say, oh its ok because she might be confused? If she had done some serious damage to my daughter, would you still be saying, oh but she's probably angry?!

OP posts:
waterrat · 20/12/2011 14:27

wow there are some nasty posters on here - suggesting prosecuting a jealous and obviously quite messed up 10 year old - and banning her from the house over christmas.

OP - yes this is horrid, but if she was your own daughter and she treated her little sister like this, you would not be so angry and would not want to ban her from coming at christmas.

If she has been behaving like this since she was very small that is really, really sad - I feel sorry for her - and yes, you, it's tough - but she is the child here and she needs help dealing with her jealousy. you dont know what crap she is being fed by her mum about you and her dad as well.

Get a grip and tackle this properly - there needs to be some family therapy - and just imagineh ow tough it is for her, that another child gets her daddy all the time - you need to begin rebuilding bridges here..

it sounds like you are actually blaming her, aged 5, for her anger to you when she punched you - you really need to start looking for kind and supportive solutions to her anger and jealousy.

catsrus · 20/12/2011 14:27

I think your SD needs some professional help Xmas Sad

I'm a bit surprised by the GP to be honest - the safest thing would be get a blood test which shows the paracetamol levels so an antidote can be given- if the medicines all contained paracetamol she would be given a carbon milkshake to drink to neutralise it (if you got her to A&E quickly enough)

Original poster
Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:27

amber she stays at my mums or grans

OP posts:
Rinkadinkpink · 20/12/2011 14:28

No its not ok op-far from it. However neither do I think we should be forming a lynch mob for a 10 year old child-will keep banging that one out until some of you get itHmm

Liluri · 20/12/2011 14:28

Your husband and his ex need to deal with this situation as a matter of urgency.
I would suggest they speak to the GP to arrange some rapid advice with regard to helping their daughter.
It is something that they need to tackle head on as parents.

"Going mad" at the child is of little help. She is clearly a very angry and unhappy little girl.

I think her parents should also talk to her school, and ask if any professional input can be accessed via that route.

Your role is to protect your own daughter, and this may mean that she does not have any contact with her sister until things are calmer.

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